Man Word Blog

Good vs. Courageous?/Live It!

2008-12-07T00:01:00.005-07:00

Fear holds us back!
It's the river, according to Gus Lee, that the good person refuses to cross. And that's unfortunate, because on the opposite bank lies the land of the courageous.

Again, understanding the premise of why good isn't all a leader needs is found in Lee's definition of "courageous."

In his book, "Courage," Gus defines a courageous leader as the person who boldly stands for principles and for all others. He supports values, and doing so he does not play favorites.

The most important core values of the courageous leader, then, are these:

Integrity--This leader discerns right from wrong, acts for the right despite the risks, and teaches others from that act.

Courage--First, this leader stops wrong in himself. Then, he challenges wrongs in others and always follows through.

Character--This leader sustains integrity and courage, always in an effort to maximize integrity.

Here's the rub: adhering to these core values requires a leader to confront. It's not enough to recognize when someone isn't measuring up. You must confront the behavior that is wrong--in every case.

I don't care who you are, that is scary. I'm trying to discern why that's so in my case. After all, if the behavior is wrong, why would confronting that behavior be difficult?

You would have to be confident, and by that I don't mean arrogant. For me, this confidence should come from an uncompromising belief in the values you live and espouse, plus an absolute conviction that confronting people who deviate from these values is protecting your team as well as improving the people you confront.

You would have to overcome the lack of confidence that comes from uncertainty, over-sensitivity to others, and your own complacency towards the values that will make your team successful.

I wonder if any of this is close to Lee's advice in the rest of his book? I'd better finish it and find out.

Thanks for working through this with me. I want to be that courageous leader.

Good vs. Courageous?/Go Deep

2008-12-06T14:50:00.010-07:00

When is good not good enough?
In Gus Lee's book, "Courage--the backbone of leadership," just being good doesn't cut it in executive positions. You need to be courageous, he says.

If you're confused, welcome to my world. But it helps to know how Gus defines good. A "good person" avoids personal wrongs, but doesn't take unpleasant stands for principles (which makes him prone to standing, at times, for favorites rather than values).

A good person is good, adhering to the principles of honesty, honor and ethics. But, a leader should be more.

Gus uses the analogy of how a boxing coach confronted him and others to make them the best they could be. He did not hesitate to translate his values to his young students, peppering them as much about ethics as about how to defend against a right jab. Also, he was diligent about confronting every breach of ethics that he witnessed.

The coach wanted only the best for those he mentored. And that included not allowing them to get away with disrespecting themselves by breaking those values.

That, according to Gus, is a true leader. Never satisfied to see people fall short of the best, he communicates the standards and then holds those within his care to account for living up to those standards. That, Gus says, is what it means to be courageous.

The impression I get is that Gus believes a good person is all right. It's just that, if you're just good, you should not aspire to be a leader.

There's the challenge. Can I be courageous? How can I be a courageous leader? Early in his book, Gus gives some clues.

Good vs. Courageous?/Think About It

2008-12-02T20:20:00.008-07:00

I'm reading a challenging book.
It's titled, "Courage--the backbone of leadership," written by Gus Lee, a business consultant.

According to Lee, no one wants to consider himself a coward. Yet, few, he says, fall into the category of courageous. Instead, they fall into a lesser category, "good." I'll get into more of the difference between the two later.

For now, I want you to struggle with me. I've always thought of myself as a courageous person, and a leader. But, I've also known that I am conflict-adverse. Apparently, most people are. Perhaps, even you?

The question is whether you can be a "courageous leader" unless you conquer that fear of conflict and confront the negatives that you see in the workplace. Honestly, that's not where I live. I tend to take care of myself, watching my P's and Q's and making sure I measure up. That other person? Well, he's responsible for himself.

So isn't example an adequate approach to leadership? Apparently, it takes both in Lee's estimation. It's obvious that you can't confront other's negatives effectively unless you are first living up to the values you espouse. But, just living up to those values isn't enough. You must confront those who are failing to live up to the values that will bring success to the operation.

I'm just beginning this book, so I'm trusting that Lee will provide more of the tools that help you know when to confront and how. But, for now, it's significant enough that I'm struggling with Lee's proposition. I may have to settle that personal issue before any practical steps will be of help.

How about you?

Together/Live It!

2008-11-28T00:01:00.004-07:00

Be thankful for the friends you have.
They provide more than you think and a whole lot of what we need in life.

Again, a collection of "Quotable Quotes" from a Reader's Digest delivered some great reminders of the benefits of friendship:

Acceptance. "Getting people to like you is only the other side of liking them."--Norman Vincent Peale. This fits very neatly with the principle of being a friend to make friends. Friendship brings with it acceptance, a nutrient we all crave.
Encouragement. "Friendships multiply joys and divide griefs."--H. G. Bohn. In good times and bad, friends provide encouragement that feeds our soul.
Support. "Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer."--Ed Cunningham. That is rare. Are you one of those who listen when others need to share?
Effectiveness. "No matter what accomplishments you achieve, somebody helps you."--Althea Gibson. The longer I live, the more evidence I see that this is true. Never forget the friends, the co-workers, that help you achieve.
Mentoring. "Men are men before they are lawyers, or physicians, or merchants, or manufacturers; and if you make them capable and sensible men, they will make themselves capable and sensible lawyers or physicians."--John Stuart Mill. We all need mentors; yet, there's a dearth of good coaches these days. Perhaps you can become one?

Friendship is such an essential--worth the thoughtfulness, intentionality, and effort to create and maintain. Try it. You'll like it!

Together/Go Deep

2008-11-26T00:01:00.005-07:00

"Strangers are friends that you have yet to meet." --Robert Lieberman

I used to complain that I had few close friends, until I realized that the bulk of the problem lay with me. Friendship isn't something that just happens. It's something that you work at making happen.

It starts by realizing the wealth that comes from a close-knit group of friends who are investing in each others lives. Or, the poverty that exists in a vacuum without shared interests and experiences and support.

I found a compilation of "Quotable Quotes" from Reader's Digest that take it from there:

Friends develop from the pool of acquaintances you have around you. "One does not make friends. One recognizes them." --Garth Henrichs

Seeking friends is an unselfish process if done correctly. "The only way to have a friend is to be one." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

You put other's interests ahead of your own. You prove your worth as a friend first before expecting others to befriend you. "You can make more friends in a month by being interested in them than in ten years by trying to get them interested in you." --Charles L. Allen

Don't look for perfection in a friend. Look for (and model) loyalty. "A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes." --Doug Larson

Don't expect true friendship to spring up overnight. It's a process that takes time. "True friendship is a plant of slow growth." --George Washington

Friendship is a life essential. The fact that so many have thought (and written) so much about it is proof that it is a cherished and necessary component of living. I've decided I need to work harder at building true friendships.

I've found other quotes that speak to the benefits of a "team of friends." More on that later this week.

Together/Think About It

2008-11-24T00:01:00.002-07:00

I watched a rip-roarin' football game Saturday night.
It was the Oklahoma Sooners that were rippin' up the #2 Texas Tech Red Raiders. And it was the OU fan base that was roarin'.

A little one-sided, to say the least, as the #5 Sooners romped over the Raiders to the tune of a 45-point margin.

Headed into the locker room at halftime, behind 42-7, the Tech coach told a reporter, "We just never got the players settled down." That's shorthand for, "The team is not playing like a team."

Too hyped, too nervous, too charged or too whatever, the individual Tech players were unable to concentrate. They weren't executing individually and lost cohesion as a team. It wasn't apparent that Tech was a team until their final drive, when they put together 12 plays for 99 yards and a rare touchdown.

This was a team that was 10-0 coming into Norman, Oklahoma. They had regularly romped over their opponents, having only one close game this season (vs. Nebraska, won in overtime). Both the quarterback and the team were racking up all sorts of records, too many to summarize in this post.

The team's complete disintegration in the face of a strong OU performance was a big reminder to me of how important teamwork is. Individuals do not win games. Excellent individual performances come together in a pattern of success that achieves mutual goals--yards, first downs, touchdowns, the win.

Even the very best QB--a Heisman Trophy contender Graham Harrell--can't do it alone.

Then why is it we, as men, tend to go-it-alone? Many times in pride, sometimes out of convenience, and at times out of unfortunate necessity, we tackle some of life's hardest challenges as Lone Rangers. When we do, it often ends in disaster.

Think about your tendency to rely only on self. Think about what would be different with a close-knit troop of friends who could be true team players with you. Then we'll go deep on Wednesday.

Full Cycle

2008-11-15T08:48:00.006-07:00

I've been out-of-pocket this week, attending a memorial service of a friend of the family.

In fact, you know the family.

In "When Mortality Calls/Think About It" (Oct. 13, 2008), I talked about my father's death. One of the first persons to arrive at my parent's house was my brother-in-law, Tom. It's 23 years on the other side of that day, and Tom's father has passed away after battling a brain tumor for a period of months.

Tom was a godsend to my family on that fateful day 23 years ago. The experience profoundly affected Tom, who was a young man at the time. His first stop after leaving the hospital that day was to stop by his father's house and spend time with him.

I believe it changed Tom's perspective. He always loved and appreciated his Dad. But, from the day of my father's death, he seemed to cherish every time he had with his dad. And they had 23 more years of projects, fishing trips, family dinners, special occasions and the like. A blessing that became more real to Tom because he saw early on that life together is not a guarantee.

An interesting full-cycle happened during the past months.

My sister-in-law is a nurse who serves with a cancer doctor. It turned out that her doctor was assigned to treat Tom's father. So my sister-in-law, my brother's wife, was privileged to serve Tom's father and family during this ordeal. I considered it God's grace that a family member from my side was able to be there for Tom when time came.

It's a reminder of how everything is connected. Treat others in a way you would want to be treated. Chances are, life with orchestrate a pay-back.

I'll be back in the swing of a regular post next week. Till then, take care. ch

Signs of the Times/Three

2008-11-08T16:01:00.009-07:00

Most bumper stickers are just for fun.
Like the one I saw this past week: "What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?"

Other than a good laugh, the only residual impact I took away from this auto eye candy was having that song stuck in my head. Nothing more.

Is it possible others take the sentiment as something a little more serious, though? Hard to say. But for people without a solid sense of purpose, it seems that even a hokey pokey reference could throw them for a loop.

That could be the reason Rick Warren's book, "The Purpose-Driven Life," is such a huge seller nationally and internationally. Rick does a great job of matching our need to find purpose with solid, understandable direction from God's Word.

There was another "life philosophy" bumper sticker I saw this past week. This one was designed to look similar to Colorado license plates, with a green mountain range and a white sky background. The message simply read, "It's all good." Now, this one made me think.

I'm assuming the meaning (for the car's owner) was that everything was made good because he lives in Colorado. That interpretation came partly from the mountain range reference, but the well-worn SUV was the best clue.

I can see individuals living by such a philosophy. If you've ever been around four-wheeler enthusiasts, life is nothing but good when they are looking forward to a weekend in the mountains.

But I can't see that as an enduring life philosophy. In the first place, it's not all good And those things that are bad can't be made good by what is. Life is a mix. We take it as it comes; but the goal is to not let the bad "color" your life in the negative. We need to see the bad realistically, and deal with it in as positive manner as we can. Then, we need to enjoy the good as it happens, not allowing the bad to take away the joy of little pleasures.

I'm preaching to myself, here, folks. I've been allowing the bad to color too much of my world lately. It's an easy pattern to fall into. But how ridiculous it would be to drive around with a bumper sticker on the back of your car that reads, "It's all bad," allowing the bad in life to negate everything good.

Signs of the Time/Two

2008-11-06T19:25:00.005-07:00

It is all about me, isn't it?
Well, in fact, it is, if we're honest about it.

Starbucks knows that better than anyone and proved it with a simple and effective billboard I saw this past week. The board had very little to it: simply a cup of coffee with the Starbucks logo on it, then the words "Reward Yourself" followed by a couple of addresses.

That was it. Actually, it was perfect.

Rule of thumb for outdoor boards is to have no more than eight words. I think it should be no more than eight elements. In other words, for me, a logo counts as a word. It has to be seen, understood, and translated into meaning, just like a word.

From a moving vehicle, most people only have about seven seconds to see, read, understand and respond to a billboard. Think of that the next time you see an outdoor board with 10 words, a photo, a logo, and a long address line.

In contrast, think of the Starbucks example: two words, a graphic and logo combined in one element, and two addresses. Plus, the meaning is quickly understood and easy to respond to. Why? Because it really is all about me!

How many times have you said, "I deserve some kind of a reward for this." Or maybe the sentiment was, "I don't deserve this! I need something good to happen to me to even this out." Starbucks just taps into that mind set, offering both the means and the opportunity to even the score.

We seem to keep a running tab in our heads of the pluses and minuses we experience, sensing that a truly just world would allow the positives to outweigh the negatives. But, alas, the real world crushes that dream. So we're left with a void that needs satiated: "I want justice. I want some payback, even if I have to go buy it."

If this sounds familiar, take note. There are other companies aware of this tendency in us, and they don't mind tapping into your need to "reward yourself" to sell their products.

Caveat emptor! (The buyer beware.) In most cases, you're buying only a temporary feel-good substitute for true justice. You won't find satisfaction in a cup of over-priced java. Likely, just more calories than you truly need.

Signs of the Times/One

2008-11-03T00:01:00.010-07:00

Are bumper stickers and billboards accurate measures of the state of the country?

If so, we're in bigger trouble than I would hope.

I've been spending a lot of time on the road, recently, and so have had time to catch up on bumper sticker philosophy. When I see a compelling message on the back of a car, I always have to catch up and look at the person in the driver's seat. But not in every case.

I saw a sticker on a domestic junker recently that seemed to speak to the political climate of the day: "I'd like to see things from your perspective, but I just can't get my head that far up my (bleep)!"

Well, all right then. The first thing that popped into my head was the condemning look of the church lady on Saturday Night Live years ago. My second thought was, "That pretty much sums up how people on opposite ends of the political spectrum think of each other nowadays."

Have you noticed this election cycle how vitriolic the language is getting, from both sides? We're in the last few days of the campaign and the airwaves are filled with fear-tactic messages trying to scare people away from either a candidate or a ballot issue.

How can people work together when they've shoveled that much dirt on one another? Even people within the same party disparage each other during the primaries.

The country is in deep trouble in a variety of ways. It seems we should be pulling together and trying to find ways to work toward the common good. But there's a definite "all or nothing" attitude at election time that carries over into the in-between times when legislation is supposed to happen.

We've been suffering, at times, from legislative gridlock that keeps us from having decent energy, environmental, and economic policies. Yet, everyone continues down the same ultra-partisan road that condemns us to inaction.

Hey, it's funny on a bumper sticker. But in real life, not so funny.

A Week Off

2008-10-28T21:30:00.006-06:00

Hi folks!
Sorry I'm a day late on this.

My Monday started at 2:15 a.m. when my wife and I received a call from our daughter who was going into labor. Happily, our second granddaughter was born at 8:43 a.m. the same morning, healthy and wide-eyed.

At some point late Monday night, I realized that (1) I had been going for 20 hours straight after having only had 3.5 hours of sleep the night before and (2) I hadn't started my blog.

Still recovering, I'm going to take a break this week, try to catch up on my sleep, and enjoy this new addition to our family.

I'll be back with a new blog on Monday, November 2.

Don't forget to vote!

Learning "Marriage"/Live It!

2008-10-25T18:53:00.006-06:00

There's a reason that couples who have been married for many years seem to be a lot alike.

They typically were attracted to each other because they had a lot in common in the first place. And, after many years of working together toward common goals and bringing issues to resolution, they become even more like-minded.

That's a key fact that young marrieds need to remember. At times, it seems like things will never get better. In the heat of the moment, it can feel like there's no hope of a smooth-sailing relationship. Give it time. As a variable in the marriage relationship, time together can make a big difference.

There are two other components to a successful relationship that men and women should pay attention to--love and respect. Dr. Emerson Eggerich, a former pastor and a psychologist, wrote a book on how these two courtesies build strong, lasting marriages.

But, Emerson wasn't the original. Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesians, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Eph. 5:33)

Dr. Eggerich says in his book, "Love and Respect", that couples get into a downward cycle. The wife perceives that her husband isn't loving her because he is being unsympathetic or isn't showing her attention. So, she disrespects her husband. The husband responds with more behavior that indicates to the woman that he doesn't love her, and the descent to a broken relationship continues.

The cycle can only be broken when one or the other responds in love or respect. Since this is a blog for men, I'll give you a few tips on how you can show love to your wife:

Listen--When my wife asks, "How was your day?" I know that that's actually an invitation to a conversation. The woman is the one with a need to verbally relate her day to the man. But she does genuinely want to know how you feel about your day. So relate not just the events of the day, but how you feel about how things are going. Then reciprocate. Ask how her day was and really listen.
Gifts--A woman needs to feel that she is your one and only choice for a life mate. One way you can do that is with unexpected gifts. Nothing elaborate. A card with a simple note, reminding her that you want to be with her. Flowers given "just because" are a lasting reminder of your affection.
Time--A surprise date fits into this category. Take a little time off work and arrange a special time together. Whatever you do, make sure it is a quiet place that allows for conversation (the listen thing).
Reassurance--You need to always be aware of what your wife says and think about why she is saying it. There are times when my wife says, "I know you'd rather be doing something else." That's an opportunity to reassure her that there's no place else I'd rather be.

If you are certain to deliver regular doses of love to your wife, you'll be surprised with how much respect you get in return. It fits under the golden rule principle. If you want to be happy, make the one closest to you happy first.

Learning "Marriage"/Go Deep

2008-10-22T21:00:00.006-06:00

Toilet lid: leave it up or down?
Tooth paste: squeeze the tube in the middle or from the bottom up?
Toilet paper: over or under?

These weighty issues are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the conflicts newly married couples have to work out.

My advice to young marrieds starts with recommending an attitude of foreverness. (Not a word, but it communicates.) You may have thought marriage was going to be perfect. But when you found out it wasn't, that doesn't change the fact that you've made an agreement, a covenant, to remain together forever.

If you both agree on that premise, then you leave yourselves no option other than working through the conflicts. You need to learn how to talk openly and honestly about your feelings, without putting your mate down. That sounds like, "I feel like this..." rather than "You always do this..."

Always seek the win-win solution. So, if it requires two separate, yet equal tubes of tooth paste, work it out. If you practice on the smaller issues, it won't be as hard to tackle the really difficult conflicts.

That does bring up a related point: don't major on the minors. A couple needs to be a team. There are plenty of enemies "out there" that have to be confronted. If your relationship is constantly being hampered by conflicts over piddly stuff, you won't be an effective team when tackling life. Let go of the things that aren't significant.

That united front should be consistently shown in public. One of my biggest mistakes as a newly married man was bringing up an issue "in front of company" that my wife and I had disagreed about. Stupid. Did I think I'd get some cover from people outside my marriage? Didn't work. I just embarrassed myself and my wife.

Join me later this week for more marriage-keeper tips.

Learning "Marriage"/Think About It

2008-10-20T19:25:00.011-06:00

I have both a son and a son-in-law navigating the sometimes rough waters called "new marriage relationship."

They are both doing well, but not without putting in some work. Bringing together two distinct personalities from two totally different backgrounds into a marriage and making them "one" is not an easy thing.

I had the privilege of counseling with a young missionary a few years ago who was struggling with that relationship-building thing. He was originally from Australia, but had entered an international language school after surrendering his life to missions. At school, he met a beautiful young Asian woman who also had committed her life to missions and was studying the same language.

Other than the mutual attraction, I believe the similarities stopped there. Nonetheless, they fell in love and married before venturing out onto the mission field.

The young man explained that "it was hard" to connect and to work together as a couple. My response to him was, "No kidding!" The first thing I wanted him to know was that he was not alone. Everyone--and I mean everyone--has a bumpy time at first.

Think about it. You're bringing together two individuals and are attempting to make a couple. There are two different backgrounds, two viewpoints, two sets of habits that now have to become compatible. There are differing (and sometimes diverse) tastes in foods, in fashions, and interior design. There are chores that have to be divvied up. There are questions about budgeting and spending that must be answered. There are spiritual matters, career matters, and family matters that must be explored.

Forget about obsessing over whether the toilet lid stays up or down. That's the least of your worries.

Now, add to all that the challenge of blending two cultures and the stress of moving into a strange country and culture where there is virtually no support group. That's where this missionary couple was living. Whew! Yes, I would say, "It's hard!"

But, it's far from hopeless. I'm not a certified marriage counselor of any kind. But, I have been married for nearly 35 years and have been exposed to a lot of marriage helps (yes, because I needed a lot of marriage helps). So I shared what I could in the short amount of time we had together.

I'd like to share some of those newly married tips this week, some of which I discussed with my young missionary friend, and others that I wish I had remembered at the time.

In the meantime, how is your relationship doing? Or, more importantly, how do you want your relationship to be doing? Think about it!

When Mortality Calls/Live It!

2008-10-18T16:18:00.005-06:00

Christian writer and C. S. Lewis gave dimension to his thoughts on pain and suffering in his book, "The Problem of Pain."

The questions he seemed to be exploring is "Why do we suffer?" and "What kind of a perspective should Christian's have when we face pain?"

Here's what he said:

"The Christian doctrine of suffering explains, I believe, a very curious fact about the world we live in. The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast.

In other words, Lewis' experience was that, in life, we do not find a permanent sense of peace. Troubles come in and out of our existence, keeping us from reaching that place of rest that we all seek. On the other hand, those things that bring us joy and happiness in life seem to be fairly plentiful and scattered throughout our days.

Lewis continued: "We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency.

"Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home."

He brings a simple, yet insightful, life principle to light. It's a perspective that only Christians can possess. Those things that bring pain and suffering in life should be viewed as reminders that this life is not our destination, not our home.

Christ said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." (John 14:1-3)

We have a place waiting for us. And this world is not it. But God gives is little pleasures along the way that do brighten our world, when we let them.

When Mortality Calls/Go Deep

2008-10-15T20:06:00.006-06:00

Death is cruel, and not a respecter of persons.

No one gets a pass. Death comes to all at some point in time. The only questions are when and how. And then, for those who survive a loved one, why?

It's a deep question that cries out for an answer. Christian writer C. S. Lewis observed the cruelty of death during World War II. He asked the questions, and then wrote and spoke about what he found.

In a sermon he preached, called "Learning in War-Time," Lewis said, "War makes death real to us, and that would have been regarded as one of its blessings by most of the great Christians of the past. They thought it good for us to be always aware of our mortality. I am inclined to think they were right."

Lewis goes on to postulate that the basic instinct of an unregenerate man is to seek to build up a "heaven on earth." Think about it. Many in our world today are working to do just that. They surround themselves with worldly toys--possessions, women, trophies. And many succeed, shielding themselves from life's unseemly side, insulating themselves from suffering, and propping up a view that life is wonderful.

For Lewis, war had savaged this illusion. War shows us in no uncertain terms exactly what kind of world we live in. We are forced to face death as a brutal reality.

Lewis continued, "If we thought we were building up a heaven on earth, if we looked for something that would turn the present world from a place of pilgrimage into a permanent city satisfying the soul of man, we are disillusioned, and not a moment too soon."

This improper attitude--that we can somehow conquer death on our own and hold it off while seeking and fulfilling our own pleasures--is shattered in the face of our mortality.

Then Lewis pointed to the proper attitude: "But if we thought that for some souls, and at some times, the life of learning, humbly offered to God, was, in its own small way, one of the appointed approaches to the Divine reality and the Divine beauty which we hope to enjoy hereafter, we can think so still."

What I get out of that statement is that life should be lived from a humble vantage point. Realize that we are mortal. Understand that we live in a fallen world that delivers death as the ultimate judgment for a sinful life. But also, know a loving God that doesn't leave us in this wretched state. Live life, and learn what it means to be held by God's saving grace, even when we face untold sufferings.

When we do that, we somehow move closer to the life we hope to live in eternity. And so, even when facing the grim cruelty of death, we can find purpose.

Lewis added dimension to his point through a passage in his book, "The Problem of Pain," published a year later. We'll look at that at the end of this week.

When Mortality Calls/Think About It

2008-10-13T20:09:00.005-06:00

I remember the moment as if it were yesterday.

I was in a meeting, and a man interrupted with a stiff face and a flat statement, "Your father has had a stroke. You need to get to the hospital."

My thoughts were swirling as I excused myself and headed for the car. "Dad's too young to have had a stroke," I rationalized. "This must be a mistake." I was only partially right. It was a heart attack.

When I arrived at the hospital, a youngish ambulance driver with red hair and an ashen face was just coming out of the emergency entrance. He seemed visibly shaken and downcast.

As I entered the waiting room, my mother was already present. She was part of a circle of three, holding hands and praying. She was squeezing her eyes shut tight, as if by straining she could make her earnest prayers change everything. But the tears flowed through the seams just the same.

My brother-in-law, Tom, was part of the circle. His eyes were wide open, even as the minister prayed. He had followed the ambulance to my parents' house by intuition, having just happened to drive by the neighborhood at the right moment. His face struggled with disbelief at what he was experiencing.

When the hospital clergyman realized who I was, he ushered me close to the room where doctors and nurses frantically worked on my father. For over a half hour, they attempted to save him, but to no avail. The artery that fed my father's heart had exploded and the damage done was too extensive to make resuscitation possible.

My two brothers were out of town, so I represented my mother as the head nurse explained all that would happen next--a short and difficult course on attending to the business of the dead. She handed me a clear baggy with the personal possessions my father had on him when he arrived at the hospital. His wallet and comb, keys, some change, and his wedding band. I fought back the tears, trying to listen intently, and asking the necessary questions.

Shortly after that, I had one moment alone with my father. I reached out and touched his lifeless body and the realization came to me in an instant. "Gone!" I involuntarily looked upward and an audible gasp escaped my mouth.

Perhaps needless to say, it was the most difficult moment of my young life. My father was only 59, and I was just 30. It shouldn't have been. But, it was. How do you reconcile the unfair pain of such a moment? Or can you?

Let's explore the discussion more mid-week.

A Time of Drought/Live It!

2008-10-11T10:28:00.008-06:00

What goes down must go down?

That's not the way I remember that saying. Yet, here we are a full business week on the other side of the presumed answer to our economic woes, a $700 billion bailout, and the market has plunged another 500 points or so.

Looking at my third quarter retirement fund statement Friday was probably similar to experiencing a slasher movie--you can't stand to see it, but you can't look away.

That's why I don't go to slasher movies, by the way. But, we can't ignore real life, and that's what we're experiencing with this economic disaster we're facing. All the pundits now are saying that we're in for a long recovery. There won't be any quick fix, no short-term suffering here.

Elijah entered into a period of suffering that had an undetermined time frame attached to it. All God told him, and all Elijah conveyed to King Ahab, was the bad news that a drought was coming. Period. It was meant to make a point and to draw the nation of Israel back to God. The covenant God had struck with Israel promised woes if they turned their eyes to false gods.

Yet, there were many good people--even people within Ahab's own officer core (I Ki. 18:3-4)--who would have to suffer along with those who had turned their backs on God. But, in the midst of the calamity, God showed His plan, protection, and provision for Elijah. Here's how I see it:

God's Plan--God always has a plan for His people. In I Ki. 17:3 & 9, God revealed what He wanted Elijah to do during this trial. God moved Elijah geographically and culturally, opening his eyes to how big the Lord is and how mightily He can move. But, at that point in time, God intended Elijah to be scarce.
His Protection--Israel needed to suffer by itself for a time. Ahab looked for Elijah, probably wanting him to put a stop to the drought, but couldn't find him. Part of God's plan was to protect Elijah from Ahab's vengeance.
His Provision--While God was executing His plan and protecting Elijah, He was also providing for his basic needs. Note that I said basic. Elijah wasn't living in the lap of luxury, although it might have been exciting each day to see what the ravens brought (I Ki. 17:6). It was probably also thrilling that the widow's jar of flour and jug of oil never ran out (I Ki. 17:16). But, can you imagine eating the same thing every day for 3-plus years? Elijah did suffer, but his needs were met.

In the midst of this financial crisis we're facing, it would be natural for you to question where God is in all this. I've seen a few crises in my lifetime and will gladly tell you that God was faithful to provide for my family through them. They were not easy times, but we grew through the experiences.

We were drawn closer to God, relying more and more on Him and less on our own ingenuity. I don't know for certain if we are stepping into such a time right now. But I am confident that, if we are, God is present with His plan, protection, and provision.

A Time of Drought/Go Deep

2008-10-09T18:31:00.007-06:00

Ahab was one of the most evil kings to sit on Israel's throne.

He took over in about 874 B.C. and ruled the nation--or rather, ruined the nation--for some 22 years.

This was during a time when Israel and Judah were split. The southern kingdom, Judah, had Jerusalem, the Temple, and a good king every now and again; so Judah remained closer to God's Law. By contrast, Israel not only built a competing temple, the nation intermingled with its evil neighbors and veered far from the path God had set.

Part of what made Ahab so bad for the kingdom was his marriage to Jezebel, the princess of Tyre. Her father, Tyre's king, was originally a high priest of the pagan god Baal. Little Jezzy determined it was her purpose in life to turn Israel to the dark side, Baal worship.

She was pretty much succeeding, too, except for this pesky prophet Elijah. Elijah had a habit of telling Ahab and his household exactly what the true God thought.

In I Kings 17, we see Elijah delivering one of those messages from God. A drought was coming, bad news on a number of fronts, but also a slap in the face to the fake god Baal, who was supposed to provide rains and bountiful harvests.

There are so many lessons in this story. But, here's the one for this entry.

God delivered a drought to Israel to achieve His higher purposes. Elijah was one of the good guys; but he had to endure the drought along with many others who didn't deserve the headache.

In the midst of the hardships, though, God showed Elijah His plan, His provision, and His protection. Let's finish this lesson on Saturday.

A Time of Drought/Think About It

2008-10-06T21:05:00.006-06:00

Our country appears to be moving into a time of economic drought.
What was my first clue, you ask?

My rapidly shrinking retirement fund for starters. Then, the media frenzy surrounding Congress' passage of a $700 billion bailout. And, of course, there's the souring political fortunes of John McCain (a bad economy is always bad for the incumbent party).

The bailout's passage was supposed to turn the Dow Jones around right away. But, it didn't happen. Today, the market dropped close to 400 more points on the news that global markets were seizing up at the news of America's failing financial health.

Soon, people won't be able to buy a vowel on Wheel of Fortune. (We can kiss it all goodbye when that happens.)

Most of us are looking around wondering, "What in the heck happened here?" We were doing our part, working hard, paying debts, watching our P's and Q's. But someone wasn't watching either.

Blame it on poor oversight by our government, greed among government-supported mortgage companies and their executives, and a national media that no longer searches out and spotlights truth, but instead runs interference for left-leaning causes.

Knowing this, unfortunately, doesn't make it go away. We appear to be in for a bad time--an economic drought. In spite of the fact that most of us did not cause this, we will still take part of the hit.

So what should our response be in the face of this injustice? Why are we having to experience it? Where is God in all this?

Read a story about another drought and the people who had to endure it, and we'll talk more mid-week. You'll find the biblical account in I Kings 17. Read, and then think about it.

What Is Good/Live It!

2008-10-04T18:23:00.007-06:00

Micah was the inspiration for this blog.

A prophet to the people of God, Micah warned of the coming captivity, a punishment on the nation Israel for not following God's Word. For Micah, God's direction was pretty straightforward:

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8)

Again, the same two themes are present. The first is to love God ("...walk humbly with your God.") and the second is to live in harmony with your fellow man ("...To act justly and to love mercy...").

The key to accomplishing both is acknowledging that we can't do either without God's help. God gave us the Ten Commandments, in fact, to show us just how desperately incapable we are of being righteous on our own. So leaning on God (which requires humbling yourself) is the first essential step.

From that point, we begin a daily walk with God. Imagine walking with someone very important and meaningful to you. Let's say, the President or a famous author or an accomplished authority in your career field.

As you spend time with that person, wouldn't you avoid doing things that would offend him or her? Instead, you'd try to say and do things that would impress the person. Also, you'd try to learn what you could from the person while you're together.

That's all God asks of us. Then, He expects us to apply what we've learned in practical living.

My desire is to grow closer to God. It's a goal that's hard to achieve. Somehow, I let things get in the way. I struggle, like the Apostle Paul, against this human nature that draws me away from God.

Maybe, just maybe, if I keep my personal vision and mission statements at the forefront of my mind, I'll do a better job of getting there. We'll see. It's better than giving up.

What Is Good/Go Deep

2008-09-30T20:06:00.008-06:00

I'm just wondering.
What is it that takes me so off track from the course God sets for me?

God makes it simple. I tend to complicate it.

Consider the Ten Commandments. The first four are focused on how we should relate to God. The final six govern how we should relate to our fellow man. There are only ten, easily grasped.

Jesus summarized them in two simplified statements: ". . .'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' ; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "--Luke 10:27

I've worked on vision and mission statements for several organizations. If done well, those statements can be used as a guide for making decisions that will keep an organization on track to achieving its goals.

But, I've never created personal vision and mission statements. Seems like a good idea. The model I've used goes like this: the vision statement is a concise statement of your overarching goal and the mission statement expresses how you plan to reach that goal.

Here's my attempt:

Vision - My goal is to grow ever closer to God as I conform my spiritual and physical walks to the example of Jesus Christ.
Mission - I will (a) love God and (b) love mankind in Jesus name.

The theory is this. Using these two statements as my guide, I should be able to evaluate whether the activities of my life help or hurt my reaching the goal. Then, as I have opportunity to add new activities to my schedule, I can use these guides to add only those things that will move me closer to the prize.

Good in theory. How will it work in practice?

What Is Good/Think About It

2008-09-29T00:01:00.004-06:00

What is good.
That's a statement that we tend to turn into a question.

Partly because it's the tendency of mankind to make complicated what God has made simple.

The Pharisees in Jesus' time were perfect examples of this. These religious lawyers took God's Ten Commandments and expanded them into literally thousands of rules and regulations that burdened life and obscured the true image of God.

"How so?" you ask. The original Law painted a picture of the holiness of God. To truly know Him, you need only to study His Law. Later, Jesus came as the incarnate Word, giving us an even clearer sense of who God is and what He desires of us.

Yet, the Pharisees had so complicated the Law of God, they didn't even recognize Jesus when he came on the scene. In their heart of hearts, the Pharisees probably thought they were pleasing God. And they worked very hard at it, too. The problem was that in their zeal to please God in their own strength, they substituted their laws for His.

God's people seemingly have always had this problem--that is, losing sight of what God has made so very plain.

In Old Testament times, when the people would get off track, the prophets were there to spell out (once again) who God was and what He demanded of His people. Micah was one of those prophets, and his assignment was to speak to the people of Israel and Judah just prior to the Captivity of Israel.

With God's judgment about to fall, Micah took time to remind the people why they had been chosen and set apart for God.

Questions for you to consider: Are you one of God's chosen? Then what does God expect of you? Has life's complications (and your own efforts) obscured your picture of who God is?

Think about it and we'll continue this discussion mid-week.

Well Said/Live It!

2008-09-26T19:31:00.004-06:00

Answer: "Not me! Not me!"
Question: What does Dad hear when he asks the question, "Who broke the lamp?"

That's all the proof you need that human nature is essentially evil. Children act irresponsibly. They break something. Accountability shows up at their door. They lie to avoid the consequences of their actions. You've done it. I've done it.

You would think that every human being, if pressed, would have to concede that human nature is self-seeking. Yet, it seems to be that the opposite is true. So many people in places of influence in this country believe just the opposite, and they act accordingly. This skewed world view has radically impacted the workings of our educational and judicial systems in particular.

Well, we can't fix the world. At least, I can't write out a prescription in this blog. But what can we do in our part of the world? Here are some thoughts:

The first step is acknowledging the evil side of your own nature and to commit to work on yourself.

Actually, that's just one thought. But, if you can come even close to accomplishing this, imagine the changes that would occur in your life and in the lives of those around you.

How would it impact your thoughts? Would you check your thought life against a concrete standard of right and wrong? Would you adjust your thinking to include the needs of others, not just your own wants. Would you be as hard on yourself as on others?

How about your actions? Is it possible you might adjust your actions to align with that standard of right in ever-increasing fashion? How would you live out meeting the needs of others around you? Would you "remove the plank in your own eye" before pointing out the splinter in your neighbor's eye?

How about the impact on those around you? Would you become an example, even a leader, that inspires others to live by a higher standard of right? How many would benefit from your integrity, your sensitivity to their needs, and your guidance? Would your kids benefit from a solid understanding of right and wrong and take responsibility for their own actions as you do for yours?

It's amazing how big an impact might result from a single decision.

Well Said/Go Deep

2008-09-24T19:45:00.004-06:00

My eyes were bigger than my tummy.
I've put more on my plate than I can possibly handle with this series of posts.

The topic is human nature--are we inherently good or evil? American author and keen observer of humankind Mark Twain seemed to fall squarely on the side of keeping a close eye on his fellow man. Not that mankind could never be trusted, but Twain seemed a firm believer that you should never turn your back for long.

I agree wholeheartedly. You only have to look to today's headlines for confirmation. Our country finds itself in a financial crisis. You can take all the expert commentary, all the technical economic explanations, and all the debate surrounding this situation and boil it down to a single catalyst--greed.

There were a lot of people looking out for number one, working whatever deals seemed expedient (and profitable) at the moment without thought about the ultimate outcomes on individuals or society. Their actions are being called "reckless irresponsibility" by some. Why not just call it what it is? Evil.

The essence of evil is acting entirely out of selfishness. I'm in the camp that believes every human being is born with a selfish nature. The biggest battles we have to fight are to overcome the evil that resides within. We have individual responsibility to live as moral a life as possible. When we don't...well, just look at today's headlines.

However, the accepted axiom in most circles today is that mankind is inherently good. Therefore, what evil exists in the world is the fault of circumstances that have turned good people into bad.

Extrapolate these two positions and you see a world of difference in not only how people view the world, but how they react to the occurrence of evil. There's no way I can possibly treat this topic thoroughly. But I can explore one aspect of a vast subject.

See you on Friday.

Well Said/Think About It

2008-09-22T20:17:00.006-06:00

I enjoy a good turn of the phrase, especially if it comes from a consummate observer of human nature, like Mark Twain.

There were times Twain was dead on. Particularly when he addressed human behavior.

This is one of my favorite Twain quotes: "Always do right. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest."

That sentiment deserves to have it's own space. But here's my two cents. There's just not a down side to doing good. Yet, we see so many doing bad. Why?

For a man considered to be non-religious, Twain seemed to have a keen insight into how Christianity works. It showed in this saying: "Heaven goes by grace. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."

These two insights have something in common that runs counter to a common axiom in today's world. Can you see it?

Think about it.

Persevering/Live It!

2008-09-17T21:01:00.007-06:00

Trusting God is easy in the good times.
It's during the hard times that we begin to wonder (and possibly wander).

"Is God there? Does He see what's going on in my life? Does He care?"

For James, persevering means more than just outlasting a trial. It involves maintaining your faith when everything around you is calling that faith into question. "Did God really say you would go through trials? Do you deserve this?" Can you hear the hissss?

So how do we remain faithful during times of hardship? Alistair Begg shared four principles we can remember that will help us to trust God during trials. Here's a quick summary of each.

Understand that when you are experiencing a trial:

You are still within God's will. Scripture makes clear that God has a plan for the one's He loves and that plan is not voided by trials. In fact, God takes the trials and turns them into good things for those who put their faith in Him.
You are still within God's keeping. Likewise, God's watch care over us does not stop during a trial. Even though Job suffered some hard stuff, God was there setting limits. In fact, Scripture promises God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we're able to stand. (I Cor. 10:13)
You are still within God's training. Hardships can be part of God's equipping regimen to prepare you for an assignment He plans in your future. Consider how you might grow through perseverance. Then, consider how you might help others who are confronted with the same trial you're now experiencing.
You are still within God's timing. We can't see the end of trials we face. But God can. Our job is to trust that God knows the length of the trial, that he knows how much we can take, that He knows when He has perfected you in this area, and that He will bring the time to a conclusion. Usually, in the nick of time.

By keeping these principles, we can endure the crunch of trials with our faith intact. You've got to admit, it's more constructive than "Run it out!"

Persevering/Go Deep

2008-09-15T21:19:00.009-06:00

"Gut it out!"

Seems like coaches have just one answer when players find themselves experiencing a muscle cramp or a sprain. "Rub it...tape it...get up and run it out!"

James 1:12 is not that: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

James wasn't saying, "You will be blessed if you gut it out!" That's an incorrect interpretation that we men tend to make based on our life experiences. We think that--when hit by a trial--our job is to take it stoically and just survive.

God has much more in mind for "those who love him"--those who have a relationship with God through His son Jesus Christ. Notice the language used in this verse.

First of all, James calls a trial a "test." God doesn't create hardships for us; this fallen, sinful world does. But God uses the opportunity of trials to test us. Do you believe that God is sovereign? Do you believe that He is good and that he rewards those who love Him? The only way you and others know for sure is in how you respond to hardships.

Notice also that James says "persevere," not "gut it out." To persevere indicates a continuing movement forward in the face of hurdles that slow you down and have the potential of stopping you. In this case, James is saying that believers should maintain their faith in God (a positive attitude) and continue to progress and grow in their relationship with Him and to obey Christ's teachings in terms of how we treat others--all in spite of the trials we are facing.

Now those are attitudes and actions God can reward.

Easier said than done, you say? I hear you. That's what I liked about Alistair Begg's message the other morning. He quoted from a classic Christian thinker who outlined things we can focus our minds on that will help us trust God through trials.

Those we will look at on Friday.

Persevering/Think About It

2008-09-15T20:40:00.007-06:00

I heard a great word this morning.

My typical start-up includes a cup of coffee, a shave and shower, and the radio tuned to a variety of Christian programs. It's been my habit for many years and, I have to admit, Christian radio is responsible for much of my spiritual growth.

This morning, Alistair Begg was sharing a message from his latest series, "Faith that Works" out of James (www.truthforlife.org). The message caught my attention because it was so applicable to my life, and I'm assuming to most others as well.

My wife fell down a flight of stairs about three years ago and severely broke her right leg. About 18 months after that, she received a knee replacement in the same leg because the damage of the original injury demanded it.

Immediately after that surgery, she began to show signs of complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS), a condition affecting the nervous system that began causing pain in her injured leg 24/7. For my wife, the best her leg ever feels (with a full dose of medication) is as if she has a really bad sun burn. Imagine your worst sunburn. That's the best it ever gets.

Doctors tell us there is no cure. The CRPS can go away in a year. It could last for 10 years, or longer.

My wife is the epitome of the person James was describing in chapter 1, verse 12: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

Persevering is not just surviving the trial. It's standing in a particular way as the trial bulldozes through your life.

Think about what that might look like in your own life, and we'll go deeper Wednesday.

Wading Through Muck/Live It!

2008-09-12T21:18:00.011-06:00

No, I'm not talking about an episode of "Dirty Jobs."

Although, covering the job of a presidential campaign manager would probably make a pretty good series on this popular cable reality show about the dirtiest jobs. Oh, reality show. That could be an issue. I mean, how can you tell what's real in an election anymore?

So, what are we to do? Awhile back, I came to a personal conclusion about elections: I needed to stop being lazy. I needed to get better informed. And I needed to quit expecting to be entertained. I'll take them in reverse order:

Stop seeking entertainment. Our brains can't possibly take in all the impressions that this media-rich world brings our way. So, we throw up shields to avoid the deluge. Therefore, the communications have to become more clever in order to "break through" the filters in our minds. They entertain us. We need to understand that just because something is entertaining doesn't make it right. Be discerning. And for goodness sake, be discriminating. Just because something is funny, doesn't mean it's good for you. Evaluate and eliminate.

Getting better informed. I'm amazed at how many people make a political decision based solely on emotion. Feeling strongly about something (or someone) is fine. But feelings should be informed in order to be validated. Counting on the candidates alone is a poor strategy. Unfortunately, you can't count on the news media for unbiased information either. Learn to recognized carefully crafted talking points. They are designed to create impressions rather than inform. Search out non-partisan organizations that develop voter's guides in your area. They aren't very entertaining; but you'll get the clearest picture of each candidate's views on the same issues.

Lazy won't get the job done. If all this sounds like work, it's because it is. I'm a bit of a news hound, so it's somewhat like a hobby for me. I start paying attention to elections six months or so in advance. By the time the election roles around, I've marked my voter guide with my choices for candidates and initiatives. All I have to do is transfer those choices to the ballot (and now that ballots can be mailed, voting is a whole lot easier).

Can you tell I take voting seriously? Look at it this way: Right at 50% of the adults in this country determine what direction we all take. Does the other half just not care. Are they not disciplined enough to participate. Or are they just too busy to get involved?

It's a free country. But, as you've seen on a bumper sticker, insuring freedom isn't free. Make sure you register to vote this November, study the candidates and issues, and vote your conscience. Ignore the cynicism of the day and make your founding fathers proud.

Wading Through Muck/Go Deep

2008-09-10T00:01:00.006-06:00

I was a rookie in the advertising field when negative advertising hit the fast food scene big time.

Working for a local McDonald's co-op was a challenge in those days with up-and-coming Burger King and Wendy's as competition.

Imagine in the board rooms of corporate BK and Wendy's as the Executive VPs of Marketing made their cases for negative advertising: "McDonald's is number one...we have to erode their market share...we have to differentiate our product from theirs...let's go negative."

So rather than saying, "Our burgers are bigger," Wendy's came out with the humorous classic, "Where's the beef!" Instead of touting their burgers' great taste, Burger King blasted the air waves with "fried versus flame broiled." Both were accompanied with exaggerated parodies of the actual McDonald's product.

The negative, sarcastic approaches seemed to fit the cynicism of the day--the days following the end of the Vietnam War and Nixon in the White House. There was a certain segment of society that really liked the attitude. They were the same folks that enjoyed the sniping political humor delivered in the Doonesbury comic strip.

And later, the wise-cracking commentary on Saturday Night Live about Ford's clumsiness and Reagan's old age. And later still, the left-leaning, late night barbs of David Letterman. And even later, the biting, right-leaning volleys of Rush Limbaugh against the left in this country. I could go on.

Do you see the trend? No doubt a majority of our voting-age population has been exposed to years of negative argument that is low on accurate information and high on sarcasm. We've rewarded the approach with high ratings. We've validated it by supporting its sponsors with our buying power.

It's no wonder that we've seen a proliferation of the tactic in virtually every aspect of culture. This is a general statement, but I fear there is much truth in it: we've become lazy, ill-informed and we demand to be entertained. Which also means we can be fooled and easily spooked by half-truths and shallow accusations.

I'm on my soap box, I know. Just be glad you're not around when I talk back to the television set. So, where do we go from here? Let's wrap up the week with that conversation.

Wading Through Muck/Think About It

2008-09-07T21:36:00.008-06:00

We're thick into the "hip-deep in sludge" season--election time, that is.

You would think most Americans would gladly exercise their hard-fought right to vote for the candidate of their choice in local, state and especially national elections. Yet, voter turnout in this country is lousy.

Statistics I just reviewed from the Federal Election Commission indicate that only 43.6% of the voter-age population actually pulled the lever in the 2006 elections. That statistic goes up in presidential election years, especially when the contests are high-interest. During the 2004 presidential race, 55.3% of eligible voters cast a ballot.

I still consider that pitiful. But is it any wonder people are fed up with the process of electing our national leaders. Instead of informing citizens of their credentials and exciting voters with their proposed solutions to major national problems, candidates barrage their opponents with negative advertising.

Apparently, it's a more effective strategy in today's world to scare people off your opponent than it is to win them over to yourself. What is the impact of all this negative political talk? In a word, cynicism.

Life is way too busy to spend time trying to wade through all the misinformation being disseminated by candidates and their surrogates. (Indeed, the primary qualification for being a campaign manager must be a poker face. Watching them spin the facts is like watching a late-night reprise of the Exorcist.)

Is it any wonder that close to half the voter-age population tune out and opt to, what, wash their car, organize their tool box, clean up after the dog? Something productive. (See, cynicism.)

I don't think I'm telling you anything you don't already know. So here's a question to ponder: How much of what the candidates peddle is our fault? Think about it, and we'll talk mid-week.

Releasing Burdens/Live It!

2008-09-05T00:01:00.005-06:00

If only I could fully implement the wisdom I find in Scripture.
Life would be more like what God intended it to be.

I want to draw on three insightful words that urge releasing the failures of the past and the pressures of the present. Jesus is the author of one and the Apostle Paul the other two.

There's a practical application and a spiritual one with each statement. Together, they offer an elegant counter to this impulse we have to carry useless burdens in our life.

Jesus said: "...do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes." (Luke 12:22-23)

It's a universal. We all carry the burden of the day-to-day with us. Yet, practically, Jesus said that by worrying we can't add one single hour to our life. And since that is true, why worry about the rest. Simply put, worrying is not a productive (nor a healthy) exercise, yet it takes a major toll. Work for the things you need, but don't worry.

From a spiritual perspective, Jesus said flatly that worrying signalled a shallow faith. He pointed to the birds in the sky and the flowers of the fields as proof of God's faithful provision for His creation. So have faith that the God who provides so well for birds and flowers will do even more for you who are MORE valuable.

In terms of carrying today's hardships, Paul instructed: "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) The practical lesson is that we shouldn't go through life as a loner. Most burdens are too heavy for one person. By sharing the load, we spread out the weight and each of us carries a lighter burden.

The spiritual application is that by reaching out to someone in need and helping to carry their burden, you are fulfilling what Christ commanded--namely, love God and then love other people. When the people of God are at their best, they are together in unity, stronger because of the support they provide each other. And by doing so, they move closer to God in faith and practice.

In terms of carrying our failures from the past, Paul knew all too well what he was talking about when he said: "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 3:14)

Paul had some major failures to look back on. But he knew that Christ had taken care of his guilt. Also, he knew that looking back made it very difficult to move forward. As a practical matter, putting our failures under a constant microscope is another unproductive exercise. It gains us nothing, except heartache and a loss of confidence.

From a spiritual aspect, Paul saw life as a forward race in pursuit of living up to the gift of grace that Christ captured for us through His death on the cross. I say "pursuit" because there is no way on earth that we can live up to that standard. But, we should chase it, according to Paul. A Christian's life is about growth and maturity, achieved though facing life's challenges in a godly fashion.

So let go of the worry, share the burden, and quit carrying around those mistakes. Plus, be sure to lift with your legs.

Releasing Burdens/Go Deep

2008-09-03T20:30:00.003-06:00

There is a burden that is too much for a man.

King David knew it all too well.
"My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear." (Ps. 38:4)

David withered under the load of guilt that he himself could not remove. His sin caused him physical pain, failing health, severe mental anguish, and agonizing isolation. There was only one answer to his need: "Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior." (Ps. 38:22)

Guilt is easy in the making, but impossible in the living. Guilt is like slow death, sapping energy, creativity, vitality, and zeal for life. Guilt is also what makes death so unbearable for the person who does not know God. Without relief, guilt will crush a person in life and condemn him for eternity in death.

So when Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Mt. 11:28)," he wasn't making some shallow political promise. Jesus was speaking to the central need of mankind. And, he wasn't just talking about it, he was doing the work necessary to remove completely and forever the burden of that guilt from all mankind.

I've been fortunate to live guilt-free for the majority of my life, having accepted Christ's gift of grace when just a teen. I say "guilt-free" with the full knowledge that I still mess up and have to ask for my Savior's forgiveness. But I never have to carry that guilt any longer than it takes me to let go of my pride and submit to His will.

What I do tend to carry far beyond the point I should are the failures of my past and the pressures of my present. Both can consume the best of what life has to offer, and they deserve to be jettisoned from your life. In fact, Christ and the first century Apostles gave clear guidance about how to handle both.

We'll clear the way to a burden-free weekend by covering both on Friday.

Releasing Burdens/Think About It

2008-09-01T12:12:00.008-06:00

"That's all right. I have big shoulders," I would hear my father declare when he was being buffeted by storms on several fronts.

It wasn't that he needed to boost others' confidence in his abilities to handle the onslaught as much as it seemed he needed to verbalize his own determination to hang in there. It was an age of self-reliance when men--just by virtue of the fact that they were men--were expected to stand against whatever came their way.

A John Wayne philosophy of manhood, my Dad's mindset had both merit and flaw. On the merit side, it is so important that a man hang in there when the going gets tough. Often, I have heard of men who drop-out when a wife contracts a life-threatening, long-term disease. Too many times, I've seen men fold when the economy goes south and they see their career plans slip away with it.

My family benefited so much from my father's strength and faith in hard times. He always seemed calm in the face of troubles and always communicated a faith that things would work out. Yet, I know he secretly held doubts and worried a great deal about the negative outcomes that were possible.

He shared many of those doubts with my mother, but he held many of them within himself, and it took a toll.

My father died after a massive heart attack shortly before his sixtieth birthday. Some 45-plus years of smoking and eating fatty foods were major contributors to that attack, but doctors agreed that stress played a definite role in triggering the event.

So, contrary to the John Wayne playbook, there are burdens men should not carry--at least not alone. A word to consider this week from Jesus: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Mt. 11:28)

What burdens have you been buckling under lately? Think about it and we'll talk more mid-week.

The Future Son-in-Law Talk 3

2008-08-29T21:36:00.005-06:00

Protecting your wife begins before you're married.

I think just about every man enters marriage understanding and accepting the role of protector. It's one of those responsibilities that a father transfers to the man who marries his daughter.

But, I proposed to my future son-in-law that the protection begins BEFORE the marriage.

Consider this. As a husband, wouldn't you defend your wife's honor if it were being challenged? Wouldn't you work to shield her from the seedy advances of some smarmy character? Wouldn't you keep her from even being exposed to some of the smut that exists in today's world? Would you strive to protect her reputation?

In other words, your desire as a husband would be to protect your wife's virtue as a woman and her integrity as a person. To my future son-in-law, I proposed that that kind of protection should begin right away, before marriage.

During courtship and engagement, a man should be just as concerned about his future wife's virtue, integrity and reputation as he will be when she is his wife. And, that protection should be expressed in the way he treats her with respect and purity.

It's a perspective that's vastly different from current world thinking. The woman doesn't belong to you just because she is engaged to you. Yes, it's hard for both of you to keep your hands off of each other during that time. (That's why I'm in favor of short engagements.) But, from God's perspective, the woman is not yours until the wedding night.

You have an incredibly important role to play as protector once married. But it's equally important that you start practicing that role before the marriage happens.

The Future Son-in-Law Talk 2

2008-08-27T22:12:00.006-06:00

A man wanting to marry has several responsibilities.
One of those is to make certain the relationship is right, and time is key as you make that assessment.

Part of my advice to one of my future sons-in-law was, "give it time."

When marrying, you are entering into a "forever" relationship, which means you are committing to stay together through thick and thin, good times and bad. Unfortunately, that's an apt description of life in general. There's always some good. And there's very nearly always some bad. The degree of bad goes up and down as life moves forward. But at times, it can be really harsh.

It's during those times that a man and wife sustain each other--with love, respect, patience, empathy, encouragement and friendship. Yes, you have to like each other. Especially when you're not so likable, which usually happens during the bad times.

How do you know you can sustain your love through hard times when you've only known each other for a short time? Have you seen how the other person responds to hard circumstances? Have you seen their many moods?

(When we're dating, we have a way of putting our best foot forward. After all, why mess things up--until after the wedding?)

I'm a believer in long courtships, followed by short engagements. Remain in a courtship relationship long enough to see both the good and the bad in each other. This is when you find out if your interests and values, friends and relatives, and even your choice of pets are compatible. This is when you discover if you can weather the personal storms together.

Then, once you're sure you can and you've made the mutual decision to take the plunge, don't spend a long time looking over the ledge. Jump!

So, give it time. Make sure it's right.

The Future Son-in-Law Talk

2008-08-25T19:45:00.005-06:00

I've had the privilege of delivering two future son-in-law talks.
Not the easiest thing I've ever done. But an essential when you're the father of a young lady who is smitten over a young man (and the feeling is mutual).

It's one of life's exquisite opportunities. You have before you a man who is taking a chance. He's asking the father of the woman he loves if he would consent to having his daughter taken from him.

You certainly have his attention at that moment. What an opening to make an impression. But also, what an opportunity to start off a long-term relationship on the right foot.

I thought I would tell you some of the things I shared during those moments. Perhaps you have a daughter and will one day need to--want to--deliver similar messages. Or perhaps you're a young man who hasn't yet had "the talk," and you're wondering what's to come. Perhaps these thoughts will just be good reminders of what it means to be a man who loves a woman.

These are heart thoughts, which is probably where I'll start. The things I shared with my future sons-in-law were based on my knowledge and love of my daughters, my experience as a man and husband, and my role as a father. They were--and are--heartfelt expressions.

There was a lot of conversation around each point. I'll primarily be sharing just the points...beginning Wednesday. See you then.

Olympic Fortunes/Live It!

2008-08-21T21:27:00.015-06:00

Michael Phelps may have won eight golds, but apparently he still has to pass the personality test.

That's what agents who specialize with sports endorsements say. Although his medals make him a marketable commodity, just how marketable depends on how he strikes the public. In other words, will people like him?

So, how should Phelps conduct himself if he wants to capitalize on his new notoriety? There's no better example than the master sports endorser. Tiger Woods earned nearly $128 million last year -- $22.9 million on the course and approximately $105 million off it.

Here are some lessons I've observed from the number one sports endorser in America:

Continue to improve your game. Maximize the skills that helped you make it to the top. Be who you were meant to be, only continually growing. Woods is a student of the swing. Every year, he sets new goals for improving his swing--even after a year in which he's won millions. He's done the unthinkable a number of times in the recent past. He's changed his swing, all for the sake of improving.

Live the straight and narrow. After he was charged with sexual assault for an incident in 2003, it was estimated that Kobe Bryant could lose as much as $150 million in future endorsements. Just prior to that, research had shown Bryant to be the number three sports endorser in the country, behind only Woods and Michael Jordan. A horrendous act begins with a fleeting thought and a decision made in a moment. The costs last a lifetime.

Concentrate on family. Family has to be a priority no matter what your profession. Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren Woods, was present with their daughter, Sam, when Tiger won the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines in San Diego. The celebration at the end included hugs and kisses with the wife and daughter. Woods stays centered by creating a home with his life mate and daughter.

Make charity a major part of your game plan. Phelps, I know that you worked hard to win those medals, and you deserve the accolades. But, now that you're on top of the world, give a little back. The Tiger Woods Foundation was created to help children find and develop their skills. Through the organization, Woods does everything from providing an online learning center for kids to awarding scholarships. Nice touch! (see www.tigerwoodsfoundation.org)

Good life lessons for all of us. Gold medal winner or not, do these things and everyone will consider you a champion.

Olympic Fortunes/Go Deep

2008-08-20T21:03:00.005-06:00

This past week, a 23-year-old single man and a 41-year-old mom had a lot in common.

They both finished in the top two in separate Olympic swimming events where the margin of victory was only one-hundredth of a second.

What a difference .01 makes.

Dara Torres (the mom) was in her fifth Olympics, quite a feat for any athlete. She had won ten career Olympic medals going into the 50 freestyle race. And, she zoomed into the finals with the fastest prelim time. But, alas, she was beaten by a sliver when her closest opponent touched wall first.

Michael Phelps, on the other hand, was the one who stole gold by coming from behind and beating the lead swimmer in the men's 100-meter butterfly. That turn of events earned Phelps one of eight gold medals during this Olympics, a never-before-attained mark.

Just a .01-second margin launches such a huge series of outcomes. To begin with, have you noticed how quickly the silvers are forgotten? How sad is that? We in American culture treat silver medals as rather ho-hum. Yet, how minuscule is the number of people who can say, "I'm the second fastest IN THE WORLD"?

Opposite that lack of credibility for silver is the marketability of gold. In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, one of Phelps' agents said that Michael's eight gold medals won in prime time in Beijing will be worth $100 million over a lifetime. (See www.nbcolympics.com.)

Imagine, then, how things had to come together for Phelps in just the right way for him to win eight golds. Without that .01-second victory, Phelps would have had seven golds and one silver. So what would that have been worth?

Boy, these Olympic athletes really have to have their heads on straight. First, to compete under such extreme pressure. But then, once they have won, to handle all the glitter and trappings that come with that victory.

How will Phelps handle it? How should he handle it? More thoughts on Friday.

Olympic Fortunes/Think About It

2008-08-18T00:01:00.002-06:00

Two athletes. Two races. Two stellar efforts.
Two totally different outcomes.

The Olympics always spawn remarkable stories of sacrifice, discipline, and superlative effort. Sometimes, though, the outcome of all that investment and performance is not victory. And the margin between celebration and remorse can be excruciatingly close.

The ultimate example of this competitive fact of life came in the 2008 Olympics. It involved two different American swimmers--Michael Phelps in the men's 100-meter butterfly and Dara Torres in the women's 50-meter freestyle.

Both had put incredible efforts into preparation. Both were competing at a heightened level of spirit and energy. Both gave amazing performances. But the outcomes of their races were like mirror images.

Phelps was close behind the leader for most of the 100 butterfly final. But at the very end of the race, his final stroke ended perfectly so that, as he finished it, his fingers jammed into the wall. His rival's final stroke, though, finished inches from the wall so that he coasted into the finish. That minute difference gave Phelps a gold victory by one-hundredth of a second--the slimmest possible margin.

It was pure ecstasy for Phelps, who needed that victory to make his phenomenal goal of winning eight gold medals in a single Olympics come true. Watching from the sidelines was Torres, who wondered what the second-place finisher must have felt after losing by such a small margin.

Later in the day, Torres led all the way in the women's 50 freestyle final. Until the very end of the race, that is. Her closest opponent touched the wall just one-hundredth of a second before Torres, stealing the gold.

"Unbelievable." That's how both Phelps and Torres must have felt at first. But the reality of the results--one gold and the other silver--followed quickly.

By one-hundredth of a second, one competitor ends up in the highlights of promotional Olympic spots; the other gets a consolation "how did it make you feel" interview.

Hmmmm. The turns life takes on such small margins. Think about it.

One Someone Happy/Live It!

2008-08-15T19:59:00.005-06:00

"Fame, if you win it, comes and goes in a minute."
Where does fame come from, anyway?

Building your life's pursuit around gaining fame is like drawing a masterpiece with your finger on a fogged-up mirror. Even if you manage to "win it," it is so fleeting.

Fame is based on people's knowledge and impression of you and is dependent on their desire to be exposed to more of you. It's a very shallow relationship with a distant audience, built on minute bits of controlled exposure. It's a vapor that's gone as soon as your fan base gets tired of you.

Not very real. And Jimmy Durante asks a good question in his song, "Make Someone Happy": "Where's the real stuff in life to cling to?"

Again, I have to think Durante knew what he was talking about. How many of his fellow entertainers do you suppose failed in show business? How many hopes did Jimmy see dashed? He knew there had to be something more substantial to build life around than fame.

His answer? Love. Not a whole lot of explanation with that. Simply, find "Someone to love..." It apparently rang true for Jimmy. Does that ring true for you? You have to put effort into it. The singer described the process as building "your world around her."

As with anything good or important, love takes work and time. Rather than the ecstatic or syrupy emotion of fairy tales, true love is a commitment to make someone (other than yourself) happy. It's a decision that you make once that is reaffirmed on a daily basis. And it's a promise that you purpose to keep, regardless of fleeting feelings or life circumstances.

Hard to do? Yes. Do I recommend it? Heartily.

One Someone Happy/Go Deep

2008-08-13T00:01:00.010-06:00

So, does being an American singer, pianist, comedian and actor qualify you to give advice?

No, but it doesn't disqualify you either. Especially when you appear to live the advice you give.

When James Francis “Jimmy” Durante sang the song, "Make Someone Happy," I wonder if he was thinking about his own life?

The first verse of the song encourages men to focus their attentions on just one woman. It speaks of a mutually exclusive and reciprocal relationship. The man chooses to "sing to" only her heart--to pursue and win only one woman. That's a far cry from the multiple lovers, casual sex culture of today.

And yet, I'm betting that serious surveys on the topic would reveal (and possibly already have) that a majority of women desire an individual man who will dedicate himself to them alone.

Jimmy's tune continues with advice about how the man should observe and respond to the woman as he pursues her. He should dedicate himself to giving the woman something to smile about, a reason for her face to light up when he walks in the room. The payback to him is happiness.

Guys, I've been married nearly 35 years and I've got to tell you, one of my greatest pleasures is in seeing my wife smile and feeling her pleasure when I walk through the door. It truly does make me happy to see my wife happy.

Jimmy came from a different era. I happen to believe he only sang about things he believed in. A quick review of his personal history indicates that he took his own advice when it came to relationships. Jimmy was married to his first wife for more than 20 years before she passed away. It was many years before he married again. But when he did, he remained married to his second wife, Marjorie Little, until his own death.

He was a one-woman man. And, being a piano-playing singer, I'm betting he spent a lot of time wooing his woman as only he could.

More on this later in the week.

One Someone Happy/Think About It

2008-08-11T00:01:00.002-06:00

Continuing my series on great theological thinkers:
Let's consider Jimmy Durante.

You know, "The Schnoz," singer, dancer and comedian that was one of America's most popular entertainers for many years, starting in the 1920's.

Okay, if that doesn't help, maybe this will. Remember when your wife (or girlfriend) rented the Tom Hanks movie, "Sleepless in Seattle"? Can't forget that! (If you managed to stay awake, right?). Well, the soundtrack from that movie may be even more popular than the movie. And the soundtrack included two Jimmy Durante recordings.

One of Jimmy's songs was stuck in my head this Saturday as I worked around the house doing chores that my wife can't easily do because of a medical condition. The title is "Make Someone Happy" and the lyrics are below.

Read through them and give them some thought. Believe it or not, Jimmy delivers a powerful message for good living. We'll talk about what he said mid-week.

Make Someone Happy

Make someone happy,
Make just one someone happy;
Make just one heart the heart you sing to.
One smile that cheers you,
One face that lights when it nears you,
One girl you're ev'rything to.

Fame, if you win it,
Comes and goes in a minute.
Where's the real stuff in life to cling to?
Love is the answer,
Someone to love is the answer.
Once you've found her, build your world around her.

Make someone happy,
Make just one someone happy,
And you will be happy, too.

Will I Ever Make It?/Live It!

2008-08-09T10:13:00.007-06:00

To perfection, that is.
Will I ever make it to perfection?

As difficult as the process is here on earth, I wonder how it's possible ever to reach that improbable conclusion in my life. But of course, I won't reach it during my lifetime. God has promised it in eternity, once I've shed this fallen human self that now carries me around.

And yet, God still works on me today, cutting away the bad parts and propping up the good, moving me towards His inevitable goal for my being. But I resist, not really wanting to go there. It is too hard, too much against the grain of who I am at the core of my sinful self. Am I missing something here?

As I reviewed Wednesday, C. S. Lewis said it takes adversity to move us from where we are to where God wants us to be. We have to be forced. And even then, we fail to see adversity as a good thing, as God's tool to improve us. We need to understand and work with life's troubles.

In addition, there is one more thing we lack, according to Lewis in his book Mere Christianity: a vision. Lewis said, "It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us."

If only, says Lewis. If only we could somehow get a glimpse of what we would be as a perfected being, then we would have the motivation to move with God as He seeks to improve us.

With this inborn sinful nature, though, how can we ever perceive what perfection looks like? How can we possibly know--even at the most rudimentary level--what God intends for us by perfection?

Thank God for Christ! Not only is the example, the picture, of perfection found in Christ, but the means to achieve it as well. The author of Hebrews 12:1-3 sums up the process. Like an athlete in training for the big event, we have to work on throwing off all the bad things that hold us back from perfection. Our eyes should be trained on Jesus. He is both the prize and the template.

Look at how Christ lived his life. That's the perfection we seek. Then observe the suffering Christ endured so that we might be able to obtain the very same perfection. Christ is both our goal and our motivation.

So, the next time adversity comes knockin', open the door and say, "Welcome, in Jesus' name!"

Will I Ever Make It?/Go Deep

2008-08-06T20:11:00.006-06:00

Ouch! Aaaaah!
How is it that C. S. Lewis can deliver a blunt lesson and still put such a fine point on it?

Lewis has just proposed that God's intention for Christians is to move them as close to perfection as He can before death overtakes them. But how will God do that? Lewis explains further:

"That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time. . . When troubles come along--illnesses, money troubles, new kinds of temptation--he (a man who has turned to Christ) is disappointed. These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now?

"Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us."

Like I said, ouch!

As Christian men, we are surprised when trouble comes our way. Why? Two reasons.

First of all, we don't see troubles as a catalyst for improvement in our lives. Our first response when trouble shows up is always, "Darn, why me?" If we take to heart what Lewis is trying to tell us, our first response should be, "Okay God, what are you working on now?"

Second, we simply don't feel the need to grow. Left to ourselves, chances are slim we would ever move up to the next higher level. We just don't dream of improving those aspects of our being. (Who wakes up in the morning and says, "I want to be more patient today"?)

So God forces us into growth--probably in the very areas we are most adverse to improving--by giving us a healthy dose of adversity where we need it.

But even if we recognize that God is seeking improvement in our lives, Lewis sees an even deeper reason why men don't respond well to God's promptings. Do you see it?

Let's talk about it on Friday. I'm still working on reasons one and two.

Will I Ever Make It?/Think About It

2008-08-04T20:50:00.004-06:00

Ever read C. S. Lewis?
He makes me think in ways that hurt. But, it's a good hurt.

Like the coach that yells, "No pain, no gain," Lewis proposed in his book, "Mere Christianity," that the gain that God wants for His followers comes only through pain.

Hear Lewis ruminate in this excerpt:

"Here is another way of putting the two sides of the truth. On the one hand we must never imagine that our own unaided efforts can be relied on to carry us even through the next twenty-four hours as 'decent' people. If He does not support us, not one of us is safe from some gross sin. On the other hand, no possible degree of holiness or heroism which has ever been recorded of the greatest saints is beyond what He is determined to produce in every one of us in the end. The job will not be completed in this life; but He means to get us as far as possible before death."

What an amazing thing to contemplate! First of all, we can't make it through a single day without messing up. God knows that. And yet, He isn't satisfied to leave us in that condition. His plan of redemption (through His Son, Jesus Christ) eventually involves perfecting us. But, on the road to perfection, there's a lot of work to do!

Before we get to the "work" part, let's camp on the very happy thought that God loves us enough to not let us stay the way we are.

Enjoy, because the big "but" statement is coming fast. The questions to think about? Just what will God have to do to me to grow me better? And, for how long?

Looking Back/Live It!

2008-08-01T00:01:00.004-06:00

Not too long ago, I didn't get a job I was interviewing for.

I had two choices at that point. I could live in the negative or move towards the positive of the situation. Here's what I mean:

The negative--I could be mad at the people who didn't choose me. I could be disgusted at myself for what I did say that I shouldn't have or what I didn't say when I had the chance. I could sorrow over the loss of the opportunity. I could linger in the pain of the moment, extending it into a trend rather than allowing it to be what it was--just one moment out of the span of my entire life.
The positive--Learn from the experience. If there were things I should have said, but didn't, I'll make sure that they are part of my next pitch. If I blew it through my resume, application, or any interview questions, I'll change them for the better next time. I'll find the positive in the moment and focus on that as I search for the next step in moving toward my dream.

In my case, I chose to remember that I had made it to the second and third interview. Apparently, I was in the final three to be considered. Those facts gave me the confidence that I did have the credentials needed for the line of work I was pursuing. The fact that I didn't get this particular job just showed that it was a better fit for someone else than for me. I kept looking for that better fit for me.

I've seen a failure--perceived or real--stop people in their tracks. Life stops for them. They refuse to move forward, instead choosing to look back on a negative event in their life. Their days are spent with "what could have been," "why me" or "why not me" thoughts.

A healthy look back includes looking forward:

Imagine progress--Where can you pick up and go from here? What can you learn from the flop that will help you in your next move? Are your goals still valid? Are they attainable? If not, what needs to change? Analyze and move forward in a way that makes sense.
Accept risk--Part of any progress is the inherent risk. Because you are moving forward into uncharted waters, you don't know for sure what will happen. It can be bad as easily as it can be good. Accept that some rain will fall on your parade. That's no reason to call it quits.
Do the necessary work--Determine what needs to happen and do it. Is it more education? Is it a change in direction? Is it adjusting goals to something more reasonable? Is it finding a new route? If you're goal is worth achieving, it's worth working for.

To summarize, looking back can be a good thing--after all, there is a reason cars have rear view mirrors. But be sure to reminisce in a healthy way, with a positive look forward. There may be "no time like the present," but the present is made better with some forethought.

Looking Back/Go Deep

2008-07-30T00:01:00.006-06:00

Life is linear, according to Captain Benjamin Sisko of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Now I'm not a "Trekkie," but I've always enjoyed a good Star Trek episode, especially if it followed an intriguing theme. The one I'm thinking of today is one where the star of Deep Space Nine explored the dynamics of living a linear life with a group of seemingly omniscient beings who saw all of time--the past and future--all at once.

Captain Sisko was trying to educate these beings about what life was like not knowing for sure what would come next. As he explained it, life is like baseball. Everyone gets a chance at bat. The pitcher throws the ball. The batter may or may not swing. If he swings, he may miss the ball or hit it. Where it goes remains to be seen. Based on what happens, everyone responds and the game progresses to a final conclusion.

And that, he said, makes life exciting and challenging.

Now imagine a batter who hits the ball, but rather than running the bases, he stops and looks up at the rerun of his hit on the big screen. Over and over again, he reviews the hit without moving. Of course he'd be tagged out. The technicians would eventually stop playing the rerun of the hit and instead would be showing him motionless on the field. The umps would finally have him escorted off the field, ejected for...whatever. Failing to play the game?

I've seen people do that. Essentially, they become disqualified from playing the game of life. And it's their own doing, not something that anyone has done to them.

There are two scenarios I've witnessed that seem to lead to this paralysis.

One is when a person has achieved something remarkable very quickly. Maybe it is success in a profession much earlier than any expected. Maybe it is hitting a milestone that is typically perceived as a crowning achievement in a particular field--but doing it at a very young age. Then the question becomes, "Where do I go from here?"

We see this with major sports stars who win the championship rings, break all the records, and enjoy unbridled adulation from their fans. Then, they retire in their mid- to late-thirties. What does life hold for them after that? Unfortunately, we see too many of them spending the rest of their lives looking back to what was rather than moving forward to what can be.

Not you? Well, it could be, even if it is in a micro sense. Have you ever had a tug on the shoulder and something whisper in your ear, "Things used to be better. Remember when..." For the time you contemplate that thought, you're paralyzed. You're the baseball player between first and second, looking up at the instant replay.

Thoughts of now disappear as you indulge in what used to be. And have you noticed how "used to be" really looks much better in hindsight than it probably was in real time?

I'm not saying, "Don't go there!" I'm just saying recognize it for what it is. Can you learn something from that experience that will help you move forward with life today? How can the platform of that success help boost you to the next level today?

Realize that life is linear. Just because you aren't playing it, doesn't mean that life sits there patiently waiting on you. Time rolls on.

Another way to handle success is to see it through a different lens. Success isn't just in the achievement or in the recognition. It's in doing something well. Success can be a by-product, but it doesn't necessarily come with the effort. Be content in the "accomplishment" of mastering best practices in a given situation.

What's the other cause of living-linear paralysis? Let's discuss that on Friday.

Looking Back/Think About It

2008-07-28T13:26:00.005-06:00

When moving forward, it's not advisable to spend a lot of time looking backwards.

Imagine driving a car. A rear view mirror can be a very helpful tool. You look back to see where you've been. You look to see if the way is clear for a move into the next lane. You look back to identify who's honking.

But all of these are glances. There's no way you can drive forward in a safe manner by looking exclusively in the rear view mirror. (Unless your goal is to be part of tomorrow's accident report column in the daily newspaper.)

It's true of living life as well.

I interviewed a general contractor once, asking him what structure he was most proud of having been a part of building. He knew immediately. It was a rather plain office building; however, it's location made it a prominent edifice, easily seen from a major highway. It was a simple structure with clean, crisp lines. Driving down the highway, it looked as if you would drive right into it. But shortly before you reached the building, the highway took a curve to the right so that you slipped past it.

It wasn't the tallest or the most complex or even the most expensive construction project he had overseen. But, it was a good memory. Every time he drove past it, there was a certain sense of satisfaction.

To me, this is a good example of looking back. It's healthy to review a past experience that represents accomplishment or growth. It builds self-esteem and confidence as you move forward to other projects--hopefully, bigger and better than the ones before.

But there is an unhealthy way of looking back on life. A way that causes you to miss what's ahead of you. A way that causes you to stumble, because you fail to clearly see the obstacles that obscure your path. And a way that keeps you from recognizing the opportunities that present themselves in the moment.

We all have a tendency to look back. The question is, when does it become a hindrance to your moving forward? Think about it, and we'll talk more on Wednesday.

Reading the Signs/Live It!

2008-07-24T21:14:00.010-06:00

Looking Out for Number One is a well-known book from the seventies. I wondered at the time, "Is there a problem with people not being selfish enough?"

You see, the seventies were known as "The Me Decade." Apparently as part of the response to a very unpopular war (Vietnam) and the mental anguish it caused the country, many in the younger generation turned their attentions to "making ME happy." Boy, what we lost.

Several incredibly destructive trends were set in motion during the sixties and seventies as a result of this "me focus." And they are still harming this culture even today:

Recreational Drugs - I listened to a "Best of the 70's" album recently and was reminded of how the popular music of the time carried such a heavy theme of drugs. The Beatles were among those who contributed to popularizing drug use and making it acceptable among young people with such hits as "Strawberry Fields Forever" and "Let It Be."

Free Sex - "If it feels good, do it" was the mantra of the day. Forget the consequences, just enjoy the sex. (Another popular song of the day was "Love the One You're With.") Within that decade, unwanted teen pregnancies began to skyrocket, venereal diseases became national epidemics, pornography began to achieve mainstream status, and abortions became part of the cultural landscape.

Easy Divorce - Changes in the laws made it easier to divorce. That--combined with the free sex , "I want to be happy" attitude of the times--started doing significant damage to the institution of marriage and to the kids hurt by the process. Today, only about half of marriages survive.

Secularization of the Culture - You can imagine how each of these other trends flew in the face of most mainstream religions. The younger generation simply threw church overboard in favor of pursuing fun.

Thirty years on the other side of those trends, we can see the HUGE penalty extracted from the individuals that were caught up in the madness and the culture that was greatly diminished by it.

All of that said to emphasize the primary point of this week's message: When a person focuses on self, he misses the bigger, long-term picture. It's true of individuals; but it's also true of societies.

In today's culture, there is a dearth of individuals who have the ability to recognize harmful trends, articulate the damage that's being done, and then courageous enough to speak out against the interests who propagate the trend.

Each of us has an opportunity to perform that service for those in our spheres of influence. Live soberly, love those around you selflessly, and serve compassionately. And keep your eyes wide open.

Reading the Signs/Go Deep

2008-07-23T21:27:00.004-06:00

I read an article about creative solutions, once, and found a story that speaks directly to the core of who we are as human beings.

The problem solved involved a very tall skyscraper and a very slow elevator. Complaints were sky high (rising faster than the elevator, apparently). But the cost to update the elevator was too costly for management to pursue. So what was the solution?

Some enterprising person decided they should line the wall surrounding the elevator at the ground floor level with mirrors. The complaints dropped precipitously. The conclusion? People were so interested in looking at themselves that they lost all track of the time. The delay suddenly wasn't an issue. After all, what better way to spend time than getting to know yourself better.

Self-absorption is my vote for the number one reason we fail to recognize and understand the times we live in. The Pharisees in the Scriptures quoted Monday were exactly that. The only real reason they were even talking with Jesus was that he was perceived as a threat to the Pharisees' positions of power. They were trying to "find dirt" on Jesus; but never succeeded.

In the meantime, they were missing out. Not only did they not recognize that this man was miraculously curing people who had been crippled from birth and begging on public streets for decades, they totally missed the fact that Jesus was fulfilling Scripture that they themselves had studied and taught.

It's no wonder so many in America seem clueless to the ill winds blowing in our society. This is an age of self-absorption. (All the evidence you need is a few hours watching reality television shows.)

When self is your whole world, your vantage point is very near-sighted indeed. You can't see beyond what immediately impacts you. Everything that happens around you is interpreted in the context of how it affects you today. There's no real insight into mega-trends that exist in society and that are unfolding over periods of years or decades. They are simply outside the realm of your world.

So the first step towards effective sign reading is to begin to observe the world beyond your space. We'll look at that and more later this week.

Reading the Signs/Think About It

2008-07-21T00:00:00.003-06:00

"The Pharisees and Sadducees came to Jesus and tested him by asking him to show them a sign from heaven. He replied, "When evening comes, you say, 'It will be fair weather, for the sky is red,' and in the morning, 'Today it will be stormy, for the sky is red and overcast.' You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but you cannot interpret the signs of the times." (Matthew 16:1-3, NIV)

On a "Nature" documentary about Death Valley, the announcer described a sky with fast-moving cirrus clouds, heading east. A sure sign that winter is on its way, he said, and then he described the frantic activity of various animals that knew the seasons were changing and that time was short to prepare.

It seems that animals are often more astute than humans at reading the signs.

In the fragment of Scripture above, Jesus faced well-educated men who prided themselves on knowing everything there is to know about God; yet, they could not recognize the very Son of God who stood in their midst performing miraculous sign after miraculous sign.

We are so much like that. We fail to recognize the signs of the time and refuse to understand their ramifications and, thus, fail to get on top of the events of the day. Rather than riding the wave from the vantage point of a surf board, we find ourselves tumbling beneath the waves being taken someplace we don't want to go.

The times we live in are incredibly dynamic. The culture in our country in particular is changing in mindboggling mega-shifts. Are you aware of what's happening around you? What keeps us from seeing the signs of the times? And not just seeing the signs, but understanding them?

Think about it and we'll consider the possibilities Wednesday.
Take care!

A Life Remembered/Live It!

2008-07-18T20:49:00.004-06:00

Everyone smiled as they spoke about the late Tony Snow.
Either that or they were tearing up.

Not having known him personally, this is just a guess: I believe Tony Snow connected with people. Not in a surface kind of way, as we are prone to do. Tony made deep connections not just with family and friends, but with co-workers and professional contemporaries as well.

Among the stories I heard were these that indicate Tony knew how to touch other human beings:

While undergoing treatments for cancer, Tony made time to call a co-worker and ask about a family member that was recovering from a medical problem.
Another former co-worker talked about a time when Tony bailed him out by writing a speech for him when he was hung over from a night of partying.
As White House Press Secretary, Tony took time out of a press conference to welcome back a reporter who had been absent because of his young son's serious heart issues. Tony added how grateful they all were that his son had come through surgery and promised continued prayers.
A younger reporter who worked with Tony spoke of all the times Tony had encouraged and mentored him.
Numerous acquaintances and co-workers told of times that Tony bragged about his wife and took off early from work to play with his kids.

A simple way to say it is that Tony Snow gave of himself to others. In spite of his busyness, his status and success, Tony took time to engage with others, know their lives and needs, and then respond to them where they lived.

Connecting personally with others pays dividends in so many ways. I have not doubt it contributed to Tony's success. And yet, I know for a certainty he did not do it to attain success. He did it out of a genuine love and concern for others. People can spot a phony a mile off; but respond appreciatively to genuine care.

If your goal in life is to impact the lives of others, you can take a cue from Tony Snow.

A Life Remembered/Go Deep

2008-07-16T21:27:00.003-06:00

Have you ever wondered what people would say about you if the unthinkable happened?

I don't mean eulogies at a memorial service. I'm wondering about friends and family sitting around and sharing their memories of who you were and what you meant in their lives?

When the person who passed on is a public figure, like a Tony Snow, those memorials are shared in a public fashion; so we all get to hear from close friends and colleagues exactly who the person was and how he impacted the lives around him.

What impressed me about the memories expressed about Tony Snow was how consistent they were. The traits that made Tony successful, well-liked and respected by his friends and co-workers were characteristics we should all emulate.

A key trait that people universally mentioned in their remembrances of Tony was optimism. Part of the context of those comments involved how Tony managed to keep a positive outlook in spite of the colon cancer he was battling. But many of the comments involved his upbeat personality while on the job.

One news colleague said that Tony would respond with "That's awesome!" every time he would share a bit of information about a story, person or event--even when the info wasn't that earth-shattering. Because he always received such reinforcement from Tony, I'm betting he shared more and was a valuable source for helping Tony stay in the loop.

Friends and colleagues remembered liking being around Tony. They were up because he was up. Tony was not a dour personality--always serious and stern. His humor was evident in all the stories that people shared. He liked laughing and helped others break loose. That draws people toward you--always an advantage when building relationships that work for you.

Tony was also not a sour person. Cancer is a disease that could easily turn you sour. Here he is, virtually on top of the world, and cancer deals him this unjust blow. How easy it would be to sour on life and to become negative about everything. It seemed to be the opposite with Tony. He shined through the chemotherapy and the surgeries, the weight loss and the graying hair. People were amazed that his outlook remained constantly optimistic.

Life is worth living and it's worth living well. Tony showed us all how it can be done. He set a mark that's a challenge for us all.

More on Friday!

A Life Remembered/Think About It

2008-07-14T23:01:00.003-06:00

This week, many are remembering the life of Tony Snow who passed away this past Sunday after a 3-year battle with cancer.

Observing the many people who knew Tony, worked with him, and loved him reminds me of a lesson I relearn from time-to-time:

When you're gone, the things people say about you truly illuminate the essence of your life.

Tony Snow is best known for his work as a reporter and conservative commentator/talk show host on the Fox News Network. But he also put in about a year and a half as President Bush's press secretary up until September of 2007. He was battling a recurrence of cancer at that time, but resigned in an upbeat manner, saying he needed to earn more money for his family.

He left the White House on his last day surrounded by a standing ovation of fellow employees, pumping his fist in the air as he pledged to fight the cancer that would soon take his life.

Tony was stationed in Washington, D.C., the center of much of this country's power. He made his living as a player in the national media, mingling with and interviewing the influencers of our nation. He was very successful, to say the least.

So what would you expect people to say about his life? What stood out as the "cream" of memories that rose to the top when people would reminisce about Tony Snow? There was a recurring pattern to those testimonies that does speak to a successful life--but perhaps not in the way you might think.

Think about it and we'll talk more Wednesday.

Taking a Break!

2008-06-30T20:17:00.004-06:00

Editor's Note:

After 41 continuous weeks of blogs, I'm going to take a little vacation--two weeks. I'll be back with a new entry July 14. In the meantime, feel free to review any of my previous 123 posts. And do drop me a line with questions you'd like covered or suggestions on new topics.
Take care, ch

An Uncommon Comeback/Live It!

2008-06-27T18:42:00.004-06:00

In today's time-crunched world, I don't see too many people engaging others.
As opposed to just talking to them.

How can you tell the difference?

The first and most obvious ingredient is time. We have a new granddaughter. I was around her for just short snippets of time when she was very young. But when she started walking (and eventually running), her mother left her with us for some extended time. That's when I was really able to engage her.

Books, stuffed animals, frog puppets that croak out "Old McDonald had a farm," my cell phone--whatever interests her, that's what I use to engage her in an exchange. (Can you really call it a conversation when they're only 16 months?) Anyway, it takes time to find out what interests another person.

In the case of my granddaughter, it was when I got down on the floor and met her eye-to-eye that we really connected. I found out that she liked to bounce, and we have a Snoogle--a really long pillow that curls--that's great for bouncing.

When I wrapped her in that pillow and she found out she could bounce on it, she came alive. Curls were jumping up and down, eyes were wide open, squeals erupted like I have never heard before. It was after that time together that she remembered my name (and recognized our neighborhood). Major connection.

Lesson number two: meet people where they are. When you find what interests them, then you can gain their attention. Then you can engage them.

Undivided attention also helps. Reading Newt Gingrich's book, Real Change, he talks about engaging and listening to people as essentials to good leadership. Ask questions and then listen. Bring back ideas, present them, ask for input and then listen. If people recognize that you are interested in them, Newt says, then they are liable to ask you to lead.

I'm sure there are more; but let me end with this one. Think creatively. When it's unexpected, it's noticed. If you want to make an impression, be impressive.

An Uncommon Comeback/Go Deep

2008-06-25T20:47:00.003-06:00

Engaging people takes time.
No way around it.

My former boss could have given me a simple answer when I dissed his wheels: "My Jeep may only get 5 m.p.g., but I'd rather be able to drive over huge rocks with a gas hog than get great gas mileage with a compact that high centers on road kill."

(Ouch! I think I just hurt my own feelings.)

But, instead, he decided to engage me with an object lesson. The snappy comeback wouldn't have taught me anything, other than to keep my mouth shut. The uncommon comeback taught me that people make choices on their preferences, which may not be my preferences. And that I should think twice before assuming that my preferences are superior to others.

Plus, the lesson was delivered in a way that captured my attention, stirred my imagination, and made the memory of it permanent. All that and we were still friends when it was over. Now that's a special talent.

How do you prepare to engage people rather than just talk at them? First and foremost, you have to consider people to be valuable enough to spend time and energy on them. A flip answer takes no time and it shows no value in the relationship.

Determine that people are worth it. If you get that done, then you can work on the rest.

An Uncommon Comeback/Think About It

2008-06-23T19:29:00.005-06:00

There's talking with people, and there's engaging people.
I'm not good at the latter, but I really enjoy being around people who do it well.

Let me give you an example.

Be careful when you engage a Jeep owner in a conversation about gas mileage. I made that mistake on the way to lunch with my boss (of all people). For some reason, I chose that moment to brag about the mileage my new Civic Honda delivered, and then I asked him what kind of mileage a Jeep gets.

He smiled, pulled out of his parking spot and proceeded to the end of the lot, which butted up against a steep incline into a vacant lot. He proceeded to put the Jeep in 4-wheel drive, jumped the curb, and took us all on a steep, bumpy, rip-roaring ride over rocks, holes, and debris.

When we arrived on the other side of the vacant lot, he looked at me with a wry grin and said, "Try and do that with a Civic!" Point made.

I sure am glad he was good-natured. But what I appreciated even more was the creative way he engaged me. It was bold, it was unique and unexpected. It was break-thru. (I'll never forget it!)

The conversation was more than a conversation. It was a lesson. Think about it.

Messiness/Think About It

2008-06-21T21:31:00.005-06:00

Proving myself to be messy, this blog entry is a day late.
My apologies. I'll work on that.

We're talking through how to deal with the messiness we find as we interact with and around others.

This is a thorny issue. But, universal as well. Everyone has a co-worker, a relative, a boss, a church member, or a teammate that is a pro at making a mess of relationships and either they're oblivious to it or they don't care. So how do you deal with them?

First, don't think for a minute that you know everything that that person is going through. There are circumstances in life that turn people negative; sometimes for a day, sometimes for a lifetime. I'm sure you've been there--at some level.

So don't respond to every apparent slight. Assume there may be an unseen reason for the misbehavior--excusable or not, it never hurts to respond in kindness when you've been hurt. But, take mental notes. Be aware of the situations when this person misbehaves. See if you can spot a pattern, so you can be on guard when the circumstances are ripe for an incident.

When meeting with a difficult person, be sure to establish some agreed upon norms that you work under. Things like, "we will always be on time," "we will follow-through with all agreements," or "we will support the group decision, regardless of whether we are in favor of the decision." These norms can help avoid the misbehavior by preempting it.

If you must confront a difficult person, use "I" messages. An example: "I feel nervous when you scowl and raise your voice. It always puts me on edge, making it hard for me to hear what you are saying." You confront the issue without accusing the other person. In the process, you make them aware that their behavior is impacting their ability to work well with you.

Above all, both during and after the confrontation, respond to the difficult person using the fruit of the spirit. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23) Responding in this way changes the tone. Even the most difficult person responds positively to this type of behavior--even if only for the moment.

Be careful out there!

Messiness/Go Deep

2008-06-18T21:02:00.005-06:00

Me? Messy?
'fraid so.

The first implication of understanding that all living things create a mess is to accept that the principle applies to me.

There's a saying I used to hear as a youngster when older folk would talk about someone who had an over-inflated opinion of himself: "He thinks his farts don't stink." The message was obvious even to a young boy. Everyone around this person was suffering, while he blithely went about his business, oblivious to the pain he had caused others.

There's a lot of that going around these days. I don't want to be that person.

Paul had something to say about that to Christians in his day: "...Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment..." (Romans 12:3). This is the same man who earlier in his letter made sure his readers knew that everyone sins and falls short of God's holy standards (3:23).

Taking those principles to heart, what should our response be? The first is to know ourselves, to judge our own faults soberly, and to work on them. Self-improvement shouldn't mean bettering ourselves to better our place. It means being concerned about others and making sure that who we are doesn't get in the way of a healthy relationship with others.

Another is to understand that we are capable of making mistakes and sometimes those mistakes can hurt others. We have an obligation to be aware when we wrong others and to somehow make it right. The tongue is often the biggest offender. An apology is always an appropriate response when you sense you may have hurt someone.

It's a mindset that runs counter to the culture. Paul talked about it when he said (in Hebrews 12:14) "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy..." It's a two-pronged attack. Work on yourself so you can work with others.

Friday, let's consider the implications of dealing with others who themselves are messy.

Messiness/Think About It

2008-06-16T21:15:00.009-06:00

My biology-teaching daughter recently enlightened her students about a fact of life.
No, not that one.

The teens were observing a collection of very tiny insects when they noticed some small, black specks. Here's how the conversation progressed:

Student: What's that?
Teacher: What's what?
Student: Those black specs.
Teacher: Oh! Waste!
Student: Huh?
Teacher: Poop!
Student: Eeeeewwwww!

The biology lesson that followed consisted of this fact: Every living thing creates waste as a bi-product of simply existing. Every living creature leaves a mess.

My reaction: No kidding!

I'm thinking of myself, of course. And others.
And the implications of both.

Think about it and we'll talk it through later this week.

When Feeling Weak/Live It!

2008-06-14T19:26:00.010-06:00

The condition of mankind is hardship.
Battling the day-to-day is difficult enough. But throw in the (hopefully) occasional emergency and it really saps your strength.

I've heard it said that Christianity is a "crutch" for people who can't handle life. (Spoken like someone who hasn't hit one of life's train wrecks.) I'm no hero. Give me the crutch. Heck, give me a body cast.

I need strength when I'm weak. God is the source of strength. The question is how to appropriate it?

Throughout the Bible, there are examples when both individuals and entire nations needed strength, and God provided. The leaders of the times taught the people, even admonished them, to seek strength from God. Here's a list of ways they said strength can be found:

When we celebrate God, He fills us with joy, which gives us strength (Nehemiah 8:10).
When we recognize God's protection in our lives, it gives us confidence to face whatever comes (Psalm 18:1-2; 28:7; 46:1).
When we feel God's presence, we know He is there with his strength (Psalm 73:26).
When we put our hope in God alone, He shows his strength to us (Isaiah 40:30-31).
When we ask for the strength provided by the Holy Spirit, God gives us the same power that raised Jesus from the dead (Ephesians 3:16-19).
When we remember the glorious inheritance that God has already secured for those in Christ, we are strengthened (Colossians 1:11-12).

The key is, we have to remember where strength comes from. Then we have to appropriate that strength by acknowledging its source and by accepting its reality for our lives. Unbelief is a show stopper.

I often look back on my life and remember times when God protected me, and times when he provided a way out of trouble. I also remember friends who have shared their stories of deliverance. It confirms the reality of God's presence and of His strength and of His willingness to share with me.

Take it to heart. And be strong.

When Feeling Weak/Go Deep

2008-06-11T00:01:00.004-06:00

There were many times King David needed strength.
As a teen, he faced the giant Goliath with just a sling and some stones.
As a young man, he ran for his life from the jealous King Saul.
Later in life, he saw his kingdom torn from him by his own son, and he ran (again) for his life.

Because David was a "man after God's own heart," he knew where to find strength.

At the end of his life, when his throne had been restored to him and he was at peace with his enemies, and he was crowning his son Solomon as the king to replace him, David addressed God in public prayer:

"Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours." (I Chronicles 29:11)

First, David acknowledged that strength is inherently with God. As Creator, everything is His. As the Sustainer of Life, it is His power that holds it all together. If you want strength, go to the source of power that surpasses what we can even imagine.

David continued:
"In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all." (I Chronicles 29:12)

David also recognized that God is willing and able to give strength to anyone. We (I) trek through many of life's trials and struggles never seeking out God, and never asking him for the strength to endure or to overcome or to be delivered.

Why is that? Perhaps pride, trying to work things out in my own strength. Maybe a lack of faith, as in "what if I ask and nothing happens?"

Knowing God as the source of strength and as a willing, gracious giver of strength is just the first step. It doesn't do any good if you don't appropriate what God has to offer.

When Feeling Weak/Think About It

2008-06-09T00:01:00.002-06:00

I'm weak.
More so recently (I've realized) than in a long time.

Before going further, let me clarify. I'm not talking about physical weakness (although you could probably pick any date in the past 50 years and I was in better shape then than now). I'm thinking in terms of emotional stamina, maybe spiritual strength.

My wife has been battling a physical infirmity for a long time. In a week, in fact, it will be three years since her original injury. In the years since, there have been struggles, rehabilitation, set-backs, an additional surgery, physical therapy, lots of stress, and complications that now cause her to be in pain 24/7.

The impact is accumulative over time. There's a weariness that sets in after such a long span of struggling against an enemy like injury or illness. Just today, I realized it comes down to a matter of strength. It's strength I lack. It's strength I need.

Have you ever found yourself in that place? In that place of weakness--whether caused by an accident or injury, a prolonged illness, or a professional or personal disappointment?

I've been weakened:

By the power of an enemy that has the ability to so negatively impact my world;
By the persistance of that enemy;
By discouragement when I consider my own inability to change the circumstances that dominate my wife's life;
By the fear of wondering what if things never get better.

I need my strength renewed. There is a place I go when I'm in need. And I found encouragement that strength is within reach. The Bible tells the story of the people of God, a tale of recurring suffering. Yet the promise of scripture is that strength is available for those who believe.

This week, we'll take a look at those promises--for you and for me.

In A Blink/Live It!

2008-06-07T15:01:00.004-06:00

Another lesson in how to treat others…
From Malcolm Gladwell’s book called “blink – The Power of Thinking Without Thinking”.

Although this book is about how we can “thin slice” people and situations to make quicker, better decisions, I find many lessons on relationships and how they are impacted by various emotions.

Such a lesson came to me through Gladwell’s discussion of an insurance company that sells physicians malpractice insurance. They wanted to find out whom, among the doctors that they insured, would be more likely to be sued.

You would think that the best way to find this out would be to research each doctor’s training and credentials. But, no, they found their best information came from observing how each doctor interacted with his or her patients. Why? Because the prospect of being sued is less about the mistakes that were made and more about how well the doctor was liked by his patients.

A medical researcher observed and recorded hundreds of conversations between physicians and their patients. According to Gladwell, roughly half of the doctors had never been sued. Those doctors spent on average more than three minutes longer with each patient than those who had been sued did. The physicians that hadn’t been sued also used more “orienting” comments, which let the patient know what they were about to do and how the examination would be conducted, the outcomes expected, and when the patient would be able to ask questions.

What it all boiled down to is that the doctors who were never sued communicated respect to their patients very effectively. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, as the song goes, is an essential emotion to building solid connections with other individuals. And a lack of respect is the quickest way to destroy all prospects of a good relationship.

According to Gladwell, “…the simplest way that respect is communicated is through tone of voice, and the most corrosive tone of voice that a doctor can assume is a dominant tone.”
So let’s take some lessons from this research and apply then to our daily dealings with other individuals.

Tone of voice is so important. People around you pick up on your tone in a flash. Ask someone close to you if your tone of voice ever communicates disrespect. Then listen. Any time you communicate dominance, contempt, superiority, or impatience, you communicate a lack of respect.
Time translates into respect, especially when it involves listening. If you don’t rush someone, if you make eye contact and respond to what’s being said with nods and eye acknowledgements, you are showing respect.
The content of your comments also communicates respect. Do you lay out options for others to choose rather than dictating what everyone will do? When you are in someone else’s territory, do you ask them permission before doing something? Are you careful to not treat adults as if they are children?

Do this and you will build solid bridges with other individuals, which always positions you for success in whatever endeavor you pursue.

In A Blink/Go Deep

2008-06-04T00:01:00.005-06:00

Remember the "Most Likely To Succeed" title in school?
There is a psychologist who for years has been perfecting a method for pinpointing married couples who are "Most Likely To NOT."

Business writer Malcolm Gladwell discusses this phenomenal work in his book, "Blink." He points to John Gottman's research close to the University of Washington where analysts tape a couple discussing an issue they are facing in their marriage.

The analysts look for signs of certain emotions in each individual and then apply a score to those emotions. Based on the scores, Gottman's team can watch one hour of video and predict with 95 percent accuracy whether that couple will still be married 15 years later! They've so perfected their system, that they can actually predict with 90 percent accuracy after only 15 minutes.

How have they achieved such success? They've isolated the four key emotions that, if present, spell real trouble for a married couple.

Gottman calls them the "Four Horsemen:" defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt. Now the first three are bad because they tend to create a downward, repeating cycle that impedes problem solving. Whenever a couple starts discussing a problem, the man tends to get defensive and starts to stonewall; then, the woman criticizes, which makes the man defensive, and so on.

You would think that criticism would be the most destructive. But not according to Gottman. The presence of contempt is the single most important sign that a marriage is in trouble. The reason, Gottman says, is that contempt happens when one person speaks "from a higher plane" to dump on the other.

Contempt generally shows itself in the form of a put down like, "You're scum!" So powerful is contempt that Gottman says the stress of being treated this way impacts the functioning of a person's immune system (Gottman can even predict that a person is likely to get sick based on the presence of contempt).

Gladwell quotes Gottman here: "Contempt is closely related to disgust, and what disgust and contempt are about is completely rejecting and excluding someone from the community."

Hopefully, you're taking notes because you want to succeed in your relationships and you've committed yourself to never show contempt to another person, ever! (This falls under the "easy to say, hard to do" category.) Here's a tip: talk with your significant other about all four of these destructive behaviors and agree to hold each other accountable, especially when it comes to contempt.

Couples that succeed work together to make their relationship better. Improving the duet, though, requires self-improvement. But that often doesn't come without the give-and-take of true accountability. It requires maturity and, I would say, it involves a sacrificial and selfless type of love that hopes for the very best for a partner.

Consider it, carefully.
Friday, we'll talk about the emotion most likely to cause a patient to sue his doctor.

In A Blink/Think About It

2008-06-02T00:01:00.002-06:00

What if some psychologists could watch a man and his wife interact for just 60 minutes and be able to tell you, with 95 percent accuracy, whether or not they will still be married in 15 years?

They can.

I'm reading an interesting book called "Blink" by business writer Malcolm Gladwell. I thought it was a book about making decisions with less information. It is, sort of. But a lot of it is about relationships, at least at the beginning.

Malcolm introduces the concept of "thin slicing," where scientists consciously (and people unconsciously) study small signals that others send and interpret those into long-term behavioral predictions. The key to being accurate in your predictions is to identify the proper signals.

If you ID the important indicators, you can basically "cut to the chase" in terms of predicting future behavior.

Why am I sharing this? In Malcolm's research for this book, he came across a variety of examples of thin slicing, including some interesting research, like the marriage study I mentioned above.

In the studies he encountered, specialists have identified certain emotions that, if present in a relationship, have a devastatingly negative impact on that relationship.

We can learn a lot from researchers who have made observing people interacting their life study. What do you think are the emotions most likely to break up a relationship? Think about it and we'll look at the first few on Wednesday.

Grass Man/Share A Passion

2008-05-31T21:18:00.004-06:00

The Grass Man not only lived his passion.
He was willing to share his passion.

Our lives are made richer when men share their passions. Every new invention represents the fruits of some one's passion. Every new scientific advance. Every new inspiration in art or music.

But these represent corporately shared passions. I'm thinking of the person-to-person sharing.

I'm remembering my great uncle Al, my grandfather's twin brother. He was a simple man, survived running between trenches in Europe during World War I, and then returned to Texas to make his living as a carpenter.

He cornered me once and asked what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't know at the ripe old age of 12 or 13 exactly what I planned for my life. That didn't matter to Uncle Al. What mattered was that I share his passion. "I don't care what you do. You can be a garbage collector for all I care. But be honest! If you're honest, you'll be a man that's due respect!"

There were others that spoke into my life, sharing a particular principle that was a major guidepost in their lives. Looking back, I appreciate that they did. The passions shared one-on-one had the most impact, the most staying power, in my life.

My desire is not to just live my passions, but to share the best of them with friends and family. I have no illusions that everything I share is golden, or that everything will stick. But not to share is an impotent strategy. Scatter the seed and see what takes root.

Grass Man/Live a Passion

2008-05-28T22:20:00.000-06:00

I've never met anyone quite like the grass man.

If you've read this blog for awhile, you may recall my reminiscences of mowing lawns as a teen. I enjoyed it, but it certainly wasn't a way of life for me.

For my neighbor's lawn guy, though, not only was it a way of life, it was his passion in life.

I engaged the grass man in a conversation because I hoped he could help me with a couple of problems. What I got was a huge dose of this man's passion. I had managed to overcome a bout of fungus on my lawn, but the grass man began by giving me a lot of good advice on how to avoid it in the future.

My main lawn issue at the time was brown grass. We were under watering restrictions due to a prolonged Colorado drought, and my lawn just seemed to be withering. When I asked the grass man how bad my situation was, he surprised me.

I expected a quick word, maybe a couple of sentences. But the lawn guy walked to the middle of my yard, picked the driest spot, and dropped to his knees. The next thing I know he's down in the grass with his hands, scratching up the old thatch and clearing a spot where you could see almost to the root.

With his big, thick fingers, he gingerly picked one sprig of grass and brought it to me. He peeled away some dry outer layers, like you would do with a banana. (At this point, I'm looking around to see who in the neighborhood is looking at this weird scene.)

Finally, he got to the core of this grass sprig in his hand--and it was green. He showed it to me and said, "See, it's still alive. Water! Water is what this grass needs." I mentioned the watering restrictions and he started shaking his head. He didn't care about anything other than the welfare of the grass. "Forget the restrictions! Water the grass!"

You've got to give the grass man this: he lives his passion. I talked with him about his work, how long he had been doing it and what led him into it. The bottom line is, he just loves it. He eats, breaths and sleeps grass. When you hire this man to take care of your lawn, you know it's going to be done right.

My lawn is still not my life, or my passion. But, the grass man did cause me to think. Do I have a passion? Something that means the world to me, a cause that I can throw my life into? Shouldn't we all have a passion that animates our lives and gives us purpose?

Grass Man/Find a Passion

2008-05-26T16:07:00.006-06:00

No, not that kind of grass!
The regular kind that you have to water, fertilize, mow and protect from the occasional stray.

I've struggled keeping my lawn looking as good as it did when it was first rolled out. In fact, I've failed at that. My goal these days is just to keep it looking decent--green and growing.

That's not easy in this high-altitude climate. Without water and attention, grass can be gone--as in completely gone--in a matter of weeks.

In the midst of my struggle, I always looked admiringly at my neighbor's yard. It was really quite perfect. It had a nice, even color. Weeds stopped at the property line, never touching that lawn. When my grass was almost decimated by a fungus, my neighbor's was never threatened.

My neighbor had a lawn man (I gave him the name "grass man" later after I got to know him a little). I would see him every week or so with his truck and trailer full of equipment. Sometimes he had help, but most of the time he did the work himself. Everything, from mowing to edging to applying fertilizer to raking and sweeping.

He had a deep tan, always wore sunglasses, sleeveless shirts and dirty, dusty shorts. His hands were thick, calloused and cracked. You could easily tell that he made his living working outdoors, with his hands constantly being drained of natural oils by the dry, cut grass.

One weekend, I happened to be out working on my lawn when the grass man came by. I had been wanting to ask his advice and found my chance when we passed close enough to make eye contact. I said "Hi" and then complimented his work on my neighbor's lawn.

That opened the door to a conversation and it was then that I found out what drove the grass man.

Rescue Mode/Live It!

2008-05-24T15:15:00.002-06:00

A rescue is generally proceeded by a call.
The phone rings at Emergency Services. The operator does a quick interview to find out what the needs are. The order goes out to those that need to respond.

Now imagine that happening in your head. It's a different way of looking at life, other people and ourselves.

Make a decision that you want to help others. Then set up an Emergency Services HQ in your head. The call happens when you see someone close to you that's in need. Could be a friend who's sick. Could be a stranger that's fallen on hard times. Could be a family member that needs some advice.

It involves being alert to what others are experiencing in their lives. If you're like me, that takes practice. I tend to be oblivious to what's happening around me and it has taken a while to create this mindset of being on the watch for people hurting. When you see a need, that's your invitation to get involved.

Find out what the needs are. Depending on who you're helping, you may need to be discreet. And also, the help doesn't have to be announced. An anonymous gift of help can be the best option. The thanks you receive is seeing someone blessed in the middle of trouble.

By the way, I imagine firemen, policemen and EMS attendants do get thanks, but they don't do what they do for the thanks. They do it because they've chosen a profession that can be significant in the lives of others. It's a great attitude to take through life.

In the midst of all this, don't forget the hidden blessing. Relationship is the best part of being human. As men, we tend to have that John Wayne concept of helping. Storm in like a hero, ride off into the sunset. There's a better way. Use the opportunity to create deeper relationships--friendships. They will pay dividends in unexpected ways.

And finally, consider the fact that you may be the one in need at some point. People that you've helped in the past will reciprocate. Be ready to accept that help. It's part of the give and take flow of life. In ways unexplainable, you are helping others when you accept help from them.

Take care. And be careful out there.

Rescue Mode/Go Deep

2008-05-21T23:10:00.000-06:00

Making a difference in other people's lives.
What would need to change about my life so I'd be ready, able, and willing to jump in when someone needs help?

When I look back at my brother's experience as a life guard, I see three distinctives that contributed to his ability to spot danger and successfully intervene:

There's preparation and practice. Before being certified as a lifeguard, my brother took a lot of courses, practiced techniques in the pool, and passed a lot of tests that qualified him for the position. He was prepared to recognize dangers and respond properly.

There's a watchful eye that is ever-alert to the warning signs of danger. Have you seen lifeguards scour the landscape at poolside? They are intent on finding any issues before they become critical. (They also take breaks from time-to-time in order to be able to concentrate when they are on duty.)

There's a willingness to act. Once the danger has been spotted, there can't be any hesitation. Acting quickly to intervene can make all the difference. Years after my brother's lifeguard experience, that willingness to act was still part of his makeup. He was in a restaurant with his family and a baby at the next table began choking. The parents started to panic. My brother asked to help, put the baby into the proper position to clear his throat passage. The obstruction was removed and the baby was fine. I marvel not just at the knowledge and experience that came into play at that moment, but my brother's willingness to step into an uncomfortable, emotionally charged situation involving strangers. Yet, the parents were so glad he did.

So, if I'm looking to be a person who stands ready to help others, there are some conscious moves I can make to be prepared and to have the proper mindset.

When we see people in need, at times, we don't intervene because we wouldn't know what to do if we did. At other times, we just don't have our radar up--we're self-absorbed or simply don't have an eye out for signs of trouble. And then at other times, when we do see someone in need, we just can't overcome a sense of discomfort with intervening in another person's life.

All three are areas we can address and change. Imagine what you can do and let's compare notes on Friday.

Rescue Mode/Think About It

2008-05-19T20:42:00.003-06:00

Are you like me?
I hear the word "rescue" and I think of the brave men who rushed into the World Trade Center on 9-11. Or, the soldiers who entered enemy territory in Iraq to free their comrade. Or the EMS ambulance driver that drove through a busy intersection on his way to treat a heart attack victim.

I think of my father who saved a man's life using CPR. I think of my brother who, as a lifeguard, pulled a drowning boy from the pool and resuscitated him.

But I don't think of me. Sitting behind a desk most of the day, I can hear the sirens of fire engines responding to a call and I wonder where they're headed and who is hurting. But I don't tend to think of myself in the role of rescuer.

I want to change that.

One mindset that has to change for me is that not everyone that needs rescuing needs a policeman, fireman, or an EMS crew. The walking wounded are all around us. But either we're too absorbed in our own lives to notice, or we just haven't trained ourselves to see the hurt in the world around us.

What would happen if I began to see myself as a person who could make a difference in other people's lives? How would I walk through life differently? What would change?

What about you?

More Expensive than Gas/Live It!

2008-05-16T22:08:00.009-06:00

See, perspective does help.
The high price of gas doesn't seem nearly so excessive when you consider the costly messes we sometimes get ourselves into.

So, in the cause of relieving mental distress, here are even more things that will cost you more than gas:

Believing a politician when he says, "I represent change." (The only change a politician is really looking for is more power shifting his way--which necessarily requires power shifting away from you. Watch your wallet.)
Choosing a bride on national television as the star of a reality show. ("So, you want to find your forever bride? Here's a plan. Let's have a dozen women you've never met compete over you for 13 weeks. We'll put them under pressure on national TV and eliminate them one at a time. Throw in some alcohol, hot tubs, and a few cat fights. Last one standing is your life mate!" So, what's the plan when the cameras turn off?)
Thinking that an affair can be kept secret. (I believe that's been tried recently by no less than three prominent New York governmental officials. Re-election prospects--even in New York--aren't looking good.)
Scheduling a hunting trip during the two-week window when your daughter is expecting the birth of a child. (Only attempt this if you happen to like the view from above the fireplace mantel, which is where your wife will mount what's left of you. Deer meat just doesn't taste that good.)
Taking a used car salesman at his word when he says, "Hey, I'm takin' a bath here!" (Uh huh. Line up all the used car salesmen in the world head-to-toe and what do you get? Chances are it won't be a straight line.)

Hope you're feeling better. I know I am.

And just in time. I have to fill up tomorrow. Don't forget to send me your list of "Things That Will Cost You More Than Gas." I have a feeling we'll be needing them.

Take care!

More Expensive Than Gas/Go Deep

2008-05-14T21:42:00.012-06:00

"Get some perspective!"
Sounds like something your wife would say when your favorite team loses the championship. Agitated by her callous remark, you reply with something clever like, "Yeah, yeah!"

But really, perspective can help from time to time. Like now with gas prices higher than a kite and climbing every day. Maybe if we consider some things that will really cost us, the price of fuel won't seem like liquid gold.

So, here's the first half of my list of things that will cost you more than gas:

Saying to a woman, "When are you due?" when you don't know for an ABSOLUTE certainty that she is with child. (I only did this once, at my 10-year high school reunion, and I still reach for mittens every time I think of the cold stare that resulted.)

Getting between a future bride and her wedding plans. (My brother just learned this lesson when he made a "sensible" suggestion about his future daughter-in-law's location choice. Step into this mess and trouble multiplies like rabbits. Think backlash-cubed: mess with the bride-to-be and feel the wrath from the mother-in-law and wife, too.)

Believing your wife when she says, "Oh, you don't have to buy me anything for my birthday!" ("But she sounded so sincere!" Riiiiight, and put those teeth under your pillow and the tooth fairy will leave you a surprise.)

Being naive enough to rush into disreputable behavior in Las Vegas and truly believing it won't follow you home. (Think about it. How did "Sin City" gain its reputation if no one talked?)

Opting for a fishing trip instead of sticking around for your in-laws' annual visit. (Don't be surprised if your wife and mother-in-law redecorate while you're gone. And enjoy your new digs in the backyard doghouse. Nice view!)

Kind of takes the sting out of the pump, doesn't it. That's called perspective.

There are more "things that will cost you more than gas" coming on Friday. In the meantime, if these examples have reminded you of costly experiences of your own, why not share them. It's for a good cause. Send me a comment.

Talk with you later!

More Expensive Than Gas/Think About It

2008-05-12T18:34:00.008-06:00

$3.72 per gallon!
At the posting of this blog, that's the average price of gasoline in the United States.

Whew! I can remember--back in the day--when gas wars drove the price of a gallon down to 15 cents. And a station attendant would pump your gas for you! But, we don't have to go back that far to reminisce. Just a year ago, gasoline was (only) $3 per gallon. Oh, for the good old days.

Such an integral part of our everyday lives, driving is one of those essentials we can't imagine doing without. So it's no wonder we're all thrown for a loop with gas prices at an all-new high and reports emerging of continuing increases likely for the future.

But, come on folks, let's get a grip.

Very quickly, those with political ambitions seized the day, seeking to ease our suffering and grant us relief from this woeful circumstance. At this very moment, a bill is winging its way through Congress that will divert the daily allotment of gasoline from the federal emergency reserve to the marketplace, theoretically reducing the price by maybe five cents a gallon.

Don't you imagine that one day we will pay for this maneuver as well?

Is it truly the end of the world? I'm here to tell you, we need to get some perspective. There are many things in this world that cost us much more than the price of gas.

In fact, I'm starting a list. And I'll begin sharing that list with you Wednesday.

What's In a Dream?/Live It!

2008-05-10T20:00:00.009-06:00

Working on attitude is a lifetime quest.
Translation: I'm not going to solve that for you (or me) with this entry.

I'm still thinking through how to improve my attitude about the overload of activity in my life. Life's been so busy, in fact, that the frantic pace, the clutter, the sense of panic has invaded my dreams.

There are some things you can do to ease the heavy burden of activity in your life (like letting go of non-essentials). But life is just busy, period! So what is it about my attitude that can change when it comes to the overkill of busyness?

First the practical, then the spiritual.

Practically speaking, I worry too much. There is this need in me to please people, to put on the best face for everyone. In the past, it has helped create the overload. But I've learned how to say "no" to requests, which helps keep sanity in my schedule.

What I haven't learned is how to suppress the feeling that I'm somehow letting people down--either when I don't do what's desired or I don't hit this unattainable level of perfection that exists in my head.

This leads to a performance mentality, where performance becomes a measure of self-worth. At times, I can be my own worst enemy, judging myself harsher than others do (but assuming that others are judging me in the same way).

Does any of this sound familiar? Do you see how this can add to a frantic, panicky feeling surrounding the everyday activities of life? Especially when it hits high levels. The key for me is to move to a more realistic expectation of what I can fit into my life and a more reasonable grading scale.

That moves me into the spiritual. An acquaintance of mine who hit a brick wall in terms of his ability to cope with overwork introduced me to the concept he described as "being instead of doing." He didn't explain the comment, but he was talking about the Christian walk. Unfortunately, Christians all too easily move into a doing mentality.

Christ died on a cross to give us what we couldn't attain for ourselves--forgiveness for these imperfect lives we live through an act of total, unconditional grace. We become Christians by accepting this gift of grace. Yet, we quickly move to a doer mentality where we feel we have to perform tasks to give our Christian walk credibility.

Christ called us "friends" in the gospel of John. He also said we are "joint heirs" with him. So why do we feel we have to earn those places? We need to see this clearly--it's us and not God. We do this to ourselves.

On earth, the day we are born, we are some one's son. Nothing we do can change our status as a son. In this life, though, we can be either a good son or a bad son. There's no such marker in heaven. Jesus was the only good son. Because he was good, his death opened the door for us to receive status as a son of God. Jesus' good becomes ours and God sees us as he sees Jesus.

Remarkable! Knowing this, we are free to work for God out of love, not obligation. The difficult part is remembering this each and every day, and living life accordingly. I'll keep working on that attitude. How 'bout you?

What's In a Dream?/Go Deep

2008-05-07T20:34:00.005-06:00

It's probably dangerous psychoanalyzing your own dreams.
Especially in a blog.

But, this is one I need to work through. I hope you can forgive the introspection. Maybe, though, you'll see yourself somewhere in the exchange.

Life's been busy in our household, it seems like, forever. But especially in recent years. There have been medical issues, a job change, and a basement refinish. Issues surrounding an elderly parent are always in the background these days. Our children are starting families of their own and we engage in those exciting changes. I started a mentoring blog.

Add to all that the normal, everyday emergencies that seem to buffet life, and it can be overwhelming. As I think through this dream, it's very reflective of certain parts of my life--a pressure-filled pace, a crowded scene, a lot of clutter, a frantic feeling, a sense of frustration at not being able to accomplish all that I wish.

But there's another side to this coin, and it's very shiny. If I'm busy, it's because I have a lot of opportunity. If there's pressure associated with work, it's balanced by the excitement of a challenging position. The problems inherent with family are countered by the absolute pleasures of loving relationships. A nice house brings with it chores. You get the idea.

Life IS busy. Managing your attitude about the busyness is every bit as important as managing THE busyness.

So for me, the crux of the issue is how I'm doing with my attitude in the face of the extreme activity. Let me think about it some more.

What's In a Dream?/Think About It

2008-05-05T21:55:00.006-06:00

Help me with a dream.
I rarely remember my dreams. They disappear quickly as I slowly fight my way into consciousness in the mornings.

But this weekend, while attending a remarkable retreat, I woke up each morning to a different dream and remembered all three. Each one was different, yet each one followed a similar theme. I'll share the essentials of just the first one.

The scene was urban. Narrow streets were bordered by dark brick buildings that were about three or four stories high. Although the city had an industrial feel, it wasn't dirty. It felt busy, though. It was daylight.

I was lost, running through the streets. The feeling was frantic. I had someplace to go, somewhere I needed to be, but I couldn't quite find the correct route. I kept passing by the same scenes.

Several times I found myself inside an apartment on the first floor of one of the buildings. It was neat, but full of things and cluttered. The frantic feeling didn't go away. I had to leave to get somewhere important. I just didn't know where that was.

The dream ended abruptly. Tired and frustrated, I was back outside and chose to sit down on a small patch of grass to rest. But I sat in something wet. Turned out to be a pile left by a dog.

That's when I woke up. Wouldn't you?

This is the kind of dream that leaves you restless and unsatisfied. What does it mean? What do you think?

Conversations with a Son/Live It!

2008-05-02T00:01:00.003-06:00

"Remember your name,"
a friend from my college days would say to his teen son as he walked out the door to meet friends for a night out.

My friend's message, he explained, was "You're my son. We're connected, and what you do will have consequences that will impact me and my family's name. Make sure that you always bring respect to the name and not ruin."

I think that's a great message for Dads to deliver to their sons, because it covers the next two of the four most important things a father can say to a son: You are my son and I love you.

The first has to do with connection. Boys are often raised in a way that makes them very independent. When they go through those turbulent teen years, they often forget not only that they are mortal and that they can create lifelong trouble for themselves in one night, they also forget that they are connected to others.

When talking with my son, I reminded him of the heritage given him by the men in our family. Both my father and father-in-law--his grandfathers--were hard-working, honest, and kind men who led their families through thick and thin. They stood against injustice, loved their wives, and disciplined their kids. And they were generous to their grandkids.

I've tried hard to follow their example. And, as my son reached manhood, the baton was passed to him. The challenge to him was, "What will you do with it? Remember your name."

That message can be overwhelming, though. It's a lot of weight on a young man's shoulder. So the message needs to be mixed with a healthy dose of, "Remember, I love you no matter what." How many of us handled ourselves perfectly? ("Nobody" is the answer, if you're not sure.) We all, at some point in our life, needed to be held accountable; but also needed to be forgiven and supported.

My father held all of his sons accountable, but we never felt like he severed himself from us. He continued to support us with help, advice, cash when necessary, and pride when we succeeded in doing the right thing. The message was rarely, if ever, spoken. But it was felt: "You're my son and I love you."

Don't forget to say the important things before time runs out. Here's an idea: Start early and say it often so it's natural by the time your son reaches his teens.

Conversations with a Son/Go Deep

2008-04-30T00:01:00.001-06:00

There are four things I believe a man yearns to hear from a father.
Before I cover the first two, though, I need you to broaden your definition of the word, "hear."

Men not only don't have the verbal skills that women do, they don't have the temperament for sharing deep feelings in a verbal form. So men have to "listen" in different ways to what their fathers say--often through action rather than words.

That said, here are two of the most important things boys and young men need to hear from a father figure: "You're a man and I'm proud of you."

I'm no psychologist, so I would get into deep trouble trying to tell you why we need to hear this. But I'd bet the farm that this is true of most men, if not all. There is a deep need to be included in the fraternity of men. And, only other men can extend that inclusion.

So as men, we need to be ready, open and able to saying this to young men. Inclusion in male activities is the most comfortable way to communicate this. Way too many boys spend their lives waiting in the crowd of "unwanteds" waiting to be picked for a team. Being chosen last is every bit as bad as not being picked at all.

That's why the father-son relationship is so critical. As a Dad, you can choose your son and let him know you're proud to have him on your team.

When doing things that men do, include your son or that young man you're mentoring. That can be work (like yard work, building or fixing something, maintaining the car) or it can be pleasure (like hiking, hunting, boating, biking). Simply by including your son, you are making a statement that he is a man. And the fact that you want to spend time with him tells him you're proud of him.

But there is no doubt that words make a difference. Young men need to be told these things so there are no doubts later. Guarantee the very first words spoken about you were, "He's a boy!" Those words need to be repeated often.

As part of my son's rite of passage, I reminded him that his grandfather (my Dad) bought him a boy's knife when he was only about one or two years old. What my father was saying back then was, "You're a boy, with all the potential to be a man."

My father died before my son reached his fifth birthday, so I finished my father's message when my son reached his early twenties. I reminded him of my father's gift and how that small knife represented his prediction that my son would make a fine man. Having made it to manhood, I gave my son a man's knife and let him know I was proud of him.

Conversations with a Son/Think About It!

2008-04-28T00:01:00.006-06:00

Fathers should talk with their sons.
Even as I type these words, I want to put qualifiers on the statement. You see, I feel I could have done a better job in this vital area of relationship with my son.

My reflex is to rationalize why the conversations with my son didn't happen in the numbers they should have. And to rationalize why the talks that did happen didn't go deep enough.

But I realize, too, that I may be judging myself with the same ruler I use when thinking about my relationship with my father. And that's not fair--to me or to my father. You see, every relationship is impacted by uncontrollable variables. No relationship happens under ideal conditions. As human beings, we're constantly attempting to build relationships while at the same time battling against elements that make that difficult.

My Dad grew up in a Depression-era home in desolate West Texas with five brothers and sisters. His father was a harsh man, perhaps made that way because of the difficult life he constantly struggled against. Work was always hard to find. And when my grandfather found it, he had to work at it non-stop to make ends meet.

My father left home at 16 to get in on the tail end of World War II. To my grandfather's credit, he refused to sign the papers when my Dad was only 15, even though he desperately wanted to join the war before it ended. My grandfather told his son, "Wait a year. If you still want to join when you're 16, I'll sign the papers." Also to my grandfather's credit, he kept his word and signed the papers shortly after my Dad's 16th, and my father followed his two older brothers into the conflict.

I've wondered if there was a conversation between father and son as my Dad left town for Navy boot camp. If there was, it probably consisted of a "Take care of yourself" and a short "good-bye."

My father survived the war. He had left as a boy, but returned as a man. Again, I wonder if there were any father-son conversations about my Dad's experiences, about the war, about what my father saw and learned. I'm left with the impression that those types of conversations never happened, because my father rarely spoke of his Dad.

My grandfather died before I was born, so I can't speak to his personality or to his abilities as a father. Like most of the men with families in those very hard days, I think life was consumed with surviving. The privilege of being able to work on your father-son relationship is ours today because of men like my grandfather and father who sacrificed to make this country vital and secure.

Which brings me back to my first point for this week's blog. Men, because we have the privilege of a secure country with a decent economy that provides most an opportunity to make a livable wage, we should take advantage of what we have. Especially when it comes to spending time with our sons.

Let me take it a step further to men who don't yet have sons. There are scores of young boys out there who do not have a father influence in their lives. Consider mentoring a young boy. Be a friend and a role model, maybe through Big Brothers or some other organization.

You should be using your influence to introduce positive things into the lives of young men. The most important thing you can do for a boy is to simply validate him as a young man. It's something that can only be conferred by one man onto another.

More about this later this week. For now, think about the conversations you wish you had had with your father. What would you cover with him if you had the chance?

The Drag of Negative/Live It!

2008-04-25T23:24:00.002-06:00

Can drag be a good thing?
Only in sports.

Like in baseball, when a pitcher has been pummeling a batter with hard and straight fastballs and then throws a change-up. It looks like a fastball at first, but then it literally drops right before it reaches the batter. He swings wildly, striking out. The crowd goes crazy.

But what's really crazy is watching that ball spin in slow motion. It's amazing what professional league pitchers can do! By holding and releasing that ball in just the right way, pitchers create a spin that moves against the thrust that they themselves give the ball. In just the right proportion, it causes the ball to begin a rapid dissent as it loses speed at just the right moment.

That's using drag to your advantage, which works in sports with a ball, but rarely helps in real life. Its the type called induced drag--resistance caused by competing forces.

In the world of every day, a negative mindset results in negative thoughts, words and actions. Because you choose your mindset, it's fair to say that the hurtful thoughts, words and actions that result from negativity are self-induced.

They spin against the forward momentum that you may get from studying hard, working smart, making good connections, and the like. At some point, if that drag hits the right proportions at the right time and place, you can lose all momentum and fall like a stone.

I've seen it happen. Haven't you? A negative person who steps all over co-workers keeps his job only because he works hard, stays late, and seems to get the job done. But, the minute his performance doesn't measure up, there are no friends around to help him hold onto his position. Bye-bye. And don't let the door hit you on the way out.

It's an effect that is similar to that induced by the final type of drag--wave drag. When a jet hits super sonic speeds, shock waves are created that cause pressure against the aircraft's surface, which in turn slows it down. So to speak, the very success of the aircraft as it hits maximum speeds actually begins to work against it.

Can you say "Leona Helmsley"? Dubbed the "queen of mean," this hotel magnate managed holdings valued at about $5 billion. Yet, she had a reputation for terrorizing not only low-level employees (like the maids), but executives as well. When charged with tax evasion, guess who the star witnesses were. Duh! The employees who knew her tactics and attitudes best.

Success is not the culprit. But how you achieve success can make all the difference. The negative things that Leona did in smaller venues didn't hurt her to the degree they did when she hit it big. The moral of this story: Be nice to people on the way up and they may treat you nicely on your way down.

As I said, overcoming negativity is a matter of mind and spirit. If you think positively, positive things will come out of you. Develop a spirit of humility and of caring for others. You'll exude a sense of well-being that is attractive to others and that smooths your way through whatever you do. Let go of negative thoughts that create drag in your life. It's the last thing you need.

The Drag of Negative/Go Deep

2008-04-23T22:30:00.002-06:00

Imagine you're a jet.
Thrust is your friend. It propels you forward, giving you the momentum to take flight.

Drag is your enemy, working against thrust. Drag slows you down. Too much drag brings you to a dead stop.

Negativity is like that--a drag on your life. In a multitude of ways, thinking, feeling, living and talking negative holds you back. It's difficult enough to move through this life. Your goal should be to move through it as smoothly as you can. The last thing you need is drag.

There are four kinds of drag that work on objects moving through the air. I was surprised at the parallels between the dynamics of physics and the realities of life. See if you agree as we look at the first two.

Friction--a result of surface roughness--is perhaps the best known form of drag. Anything that interrupts the smoothness of an object's surface slows it down as it moves through air, water, whatever. That's why competitive swimmers shave their legs, why rivets on airplane wings are rounded, and why dragsters are covered with slick fiberglass shells.

Some people are just easier to work with, have you noticed? They greet you with a smiling, open face that puts you at ease. Their voice is upbeat, giving you a confidence that things can get done. They talk solutions, not hurdles. They go about their work without grousing.

Others walk around like they have sandpaper for skin. Their eyes hide behind furrowed brows that say, "Deal with me at your own risk." Criticism comes quickly and in just about every situation. (You wonder if you're next.) Every day is a Monday and every mole hill becomes a Mount Everest.

These people are not only a drag on themselves, they are a drag on others. Every thought, word, and action becomes a rough bump on their surface that slows them down.

To some extent, folks are inclined a certain way from birth. That speaks to the second type of drag--form. The shape of a body passing through the air either contributes to drag or reduces it. Being streamlined is best.

Although personalities are born-in, a person's environment tends to nurture those tendencies, either for good or bad. Also, circumstances can reinforce those personality traits. Negatives tend to become more negative with hard settings and difficult experiences.

But, as adults, we have a choice as to who we will be and how we will treat others. When life treats you poorly, think of the experience as a kind of chisel that is streamlining your body and as sandpaper that is smoothing your surface. With each new difficulty, determine that it will improve your ability to glide through trouble.

Over the years, that positive attitude will turn into positive actions and the momentum will keep you flying high. There are two more types of drag, though, that can hold you back. We'll cover them this Friday.

The Drag of Negative/Think About It

2008-04-21T19:50:00.004-06:00

Editor's Note: This blog has just passed 31 weeks of 3-days-a-week posts. My site meter indicates an average of about 12 visitors per week. I'm glad you're out there. And I would really appreciate hearing questions that you'd like covered. What issues are you facing that you could use some input on? Send me a comment.

My college days came right at the end of the Vietnam War.
It was an especially negative time in this country.

Even though I attended a university in a very conservative region, the elements of anti-war negativism were still present. In particular, the staple comic of the college newspaper, "Doonesbury."

"Doonesbury" was all about bashing the war and the institutions and the culture and the people that author Gary Trudeau considered responsible for the war and its atrocities. Consummately negative in his world view, Trudeau day-in-and-day-out satirized them all for their evil motives, the underhanded dealings, and their shameless greed.

A journalism professor commented one day on what he felt was the lasting deleterious influence of a daily diet of Trudeau's venom. You can imagine the abuse the professor took from a class of students that held tightly to the sense of power that criticism and ridicule gave them.

I don't remember his exact words, but his ideas have stuck with me now some 30 years beyond the day they soaked through my thick skull. And, over the years, I've seen the wisdom in his opinion, which rings true for my life and the lives of others I've observed.

Basically, the Prof argued that a steady diet of negativism, even when delivered on behalf of a just cause, will burden a man's life. Somewhere deep in a person's soul a seed of discontent is sown and then nurtured by the negative energy of constant criticism, sarcasm, and ridicule. Before long, a life becomes a staging ground for negative thoughts, which lead to negative words, which invariably lead to negative consequences.

We live in a very negative culture. It's all around us. From the evening news to the published commentaries, to entertainment, politics, late-night comedy talk shows, and even television commercials, it seems the highest rewards are given to those who can best turn a sardonic phrase against a competitor or society or life in general.

The trick is recognizing the drag of negative forces on your life and not just compensating for them, but eliminating them if you can. It's a matter of the mind and spirit, but also of physics.

Ever been taught physics by a J-student? Get ready to go deep Wednesday.

Get Off Your Duff/Live It!

2008-04-18T22:53:00.007-06:00

Understanding Solomon's point of view on laziness is like harvesting low-hanging fruit.
Good thing, 'cause I don't feel like climbing on a Friday night.

This wise king doesn't just throw out the imperative, "Get off your duff!" He uses the carrots and sticks of real life to help make his point. After all, which would you prefer, wealth or poorhouse, profits or poverty, being a ruler or languishing in slave labor?

Sounds a little like "Scared Straight," that program that takes juvenile delinquents into a real prison to get a taste of their future should they make the foolish choice of continuing down the same path.

In the same way the prison setting creates a new perspective in the eyes of the young men who visit it, Solomon is trying to generate a new viewpoint in his students. You see, young men tend to think they are just chilling for a bit, having a few laughs, and doing what they want to do. According to the king, though, they are actually setting their feet on the path to squalor.

Of course, we're talking about a sustained period of laziness, not an occasional time of rest and relaxation between periods of hard work. But it's amazing how quickly an unchecked habit of laziness early on can turn into a lifetime pattern.

How can you spot the onset of a laziness habit? Here are some signs:

A bed lust--a preference for sleep over work (Pr 20:13 & 26:14)
Cravings for things, but no initiative or gumption to work for what you want (Pr 21:25)
A talent for excuses to avoid work (Pr 22:13 and 26:13)
Not taking advantage of obvious seasons of work (Pr 20:4)

Be on guard. Sleep and inactivity are really attractive at times. Just be careful they don't become prevalent in your life. And if you're a father, expect to see these signs in your little tykes. It's up to you to show them a better way. Reward always works better than punishment in this case. (Help them make the connection between hard work and prosperity.)

We've got to end this one with an insider's look at Solomon's sense of humor. Try to picture this description of the professional lazy guy: "The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth." (Pr 26:15)

You can see the guy, can't you. He sees the food, craves it and even musters up the energy to bury his hand in it. But lifting that heavy weight up to his mouth, that's waaaaay too much work. "Hey honey. Would you mind feeding me tonight?"

Get Off Your Duff/Go Deep

2008-04-16T20:20:00.004-06:00

Have you heard of the latest epidemic hurting kids?
Childhood obesity!

It has become so prevalent that it has reached levels qualifying the condition as an epidemic in some Western nations. The cause, according to several medical Web sites, is simply eating too much and exercising too little. That's it!

I don't know about you, but when I hear the word "epidemic" I tend to think of some insidious disease ravaging whole populations. But eating too much and exercising too little? The medical experts on mayoclinic.com say those are the most common causes of childhood obesity, moreso than genetic disease and hormonal disorders.

America's kids in particular have access to too many high calorie foods--junk food, soft drinks, and fast food as the primary culprits. Not only are these foods readily available, they are inexpensive and taste good! The poor suffer from this problem as much if not more than those with means.

Now couple that with too much time in front of the television, or glued to favorite video games, or surfing the Web (talk about an oxymoron), and you have childhood obesity.

Yes, there are influences in this country that entice young people to live lives of inactivity and unproductivity (how else do you explain the success of television programs like "Jackass"?). What a waste. And what a disability (laziness, that is).

It not only harms the individual, think of all the associations that are impaired by that person's lack of industry--classmates, teammates, family, and co-workers. All of them pay some level of price when they are saddled with an unproductive partner.

The question is, how much do those same influences impact us as adults? How do those influences bring out our natural tendency to be idle. What heights could we attain, if our own laziness weren't holding us back?

Let's explore some pointers from Solomon on Friday.

Get Off Your Duff/Think About It

2008-04-14T21:50:00.000-06:00

Solomon had a real problem with laziness.
Not him personally, but perhaps he saw the issue in the lives of young men in Israel?

I found about 22 verses on laziness and the contrasting discipline of diligence in the "sayings chapters" of 10-31 in Proverbs. That's basically one saying per chapter dedicated to this topic. Obviously, advocating against laziness and in favor of industriousness among young men was a passion of Solomon.

"Why is that?" as Andy Rooney asks.

One thought is that the sheer opulence that existed in the royal city of Jerusalem during Solomon's reign may have contributed to an attitude of: "Work! We don't need no steeenking work!"

Consider these descriptions of Solomon's kingdom:

Solomon's extensive fleet accomplished levels of world trade that created a regular influx of gold, silver and exotic goods (I Kings 10:22)

That trade made gold so prevalent, that silver was considered by comparison a common material for common uses (I Kings 10:21)

Gold and silver were as common as stones in Jerusalem (2 Ch. 1:15)

This prosperity was made possible by peace on all sides of the kingdom as long as Solomon lived (I Kings 4:20-28)

Is it possible, under those conditions, that a generation of young men was growing up with a privileged attitude that was counter to a strong work ethic? If true, that was bad news for the country as well as for the long-term prospects of those men. (What happens when daddy can no longer work?)

Do the young men of today's America have a problem with laziness? Do we as men have to fight against the urge to be inactive? Are there cultural influences that would have us waste our time on frivolous pursuits?

No, couldn't be! Could it?

A Cold Drink of Water/Live It!

2008-04-11T00:01:00.001-06:00

Gift giving is a primary language of kindness.
It requires a generous nature, which isn't natural to natural man.

It's an important skill to develop in this life, though. It will serve you well.

Solomon recommended gift giving as a tool for opening doors to new relationships. Look at Proverbs 18:16--"A gift opens the way for the giver and ushers him into the presence of the great."

If you're not quite sure how to break the ice with the young lady you'd like to know better, if you want to make a good first impression with the future mother-in-law, or if you're trying to get an appointment with that big prospective customer, try a gift. But not just any gift. Make sure it's appropriate.

I have a daughter whose main love language is gift giving. She doesn't have much money; yet, she gives great gifts. They are always appreciated, because they are always a fit for the receiver. She observes. She asks. She listens. And then she responds with just the right token of affection. In other words, she's considerate.

That's a model for gift giving. The message you deliver with this type of gift is, "You are a valuable person in my eyes." That makes an impression, and it invariably creates an openness in the recipient that may not have been there prior to the gift.

Solomon also saw gift giving as a means for patching up broken relationships. In 21:14, he says, "A gift given in secret soothes anger, and a bribe concealed in the cloak pacifies great wrath." Why does it work when "given in secret"? Well, if you did it publicly, wouldn't it create pressure for a positive response, which could lead to exactly the opposite reaction? Saving face is important in the West as well as in the East.

(By the way, I don't believe Solomon is promoting the use of bribes. He's just acknowledging the power a bribe can wield. )

The author of Proverbs even recommended giving to those who can't or won't reciprocate--the poor and your enemies. In both cases, the reason to give is because it pleases God. If anyone will reward you for this behavior, it will be God. See Proverbs 22:9 and 25:21-22. (Remember, kindness is at the core of God's heart.)

In terms of interpersonal skills, gift giving is one of the most valuable techniques you can develop. An appropriate gift at the right time can open doors, mend fences, and even honor God. If you're wise, you'll develop your generosity.

A Cold Drink of Water/Go Deep

2008-04-09T21:03:00.004-06:00

Proverbs is not just a book of advice.
It is also a revealer of the character of God.

In chapter 8, verses 22-23 of Proverbs, we find that wisdom has been with God--in fact, a part of God--from eternity. So as Solomon unfolds his description of wisdom, he is actually describing the very heart of God. The underlying message is, "to act with wisdom is to act according to God's character."

It's heartening then, isn't it, to see that kindness is a core characteristic of God?

A primary message delivered by the sayings on kindness is that God cares about the needy and that the wise person will show the same caring through his actions. The key verse conveying that theme is 14:31--"He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God."

That's an incredible message with deep meaning for how we conduct our lives. First of all, God is the Maker of all people, including the poor. Second, He cares about them and their welfare. The poor have worth because they are created by God. Finally, if you have the power to impact the life of someone in need, you honor God by using it to enrich his life.

That can mean supporting the poor by giving to charities. It can involve serving meals in a soup kitchen. It can mean providing counseling to a needy family to help them chart a path to solvency.

An interesting take on this is in verse 19:17--"He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done." God accepts our help given to the poor as if it were a gift given directly to Him. And a reward is promised in return.

The sayings on kindness in Proverbs are echoed in the books of the New Testament. In fact, Jesus, in talking about the final judgment, says that "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40)

So, be wise. Re-evaluate your perspective on the poor. Do you consider them brothers, creatures of God, people of worth? And then reconsider what your actions toward the needy should be in light of this knowledge.

A Cold Drink of Water/Think About It

2008-04-07T00:01:00.002-06:00

Kindness has been called a cold drink of water in a parched, dry land.
You know it if you've ever received a kindness.

Totally unexpected. Probably undeserved. Perhaps in a dark moment. Someone extends a kindness that turns the moment around, makes your day or even saves your life.

I remember my electrician father sharing a moment that he had with a co-worker who had collapsed on the job. Trained in CPR, my father attended him--mouth-to-mouth and all--until the emergency workers arrived and took over. My father's actions saved the man's life.

When his co-worker returned to the job, there was an awkward moment when he met my father for the first time since that fateful day. He was filled with gratitude, I'm sure, but didn't know quite how to express it. My father, sensing his discomfort, told him, "You know, Joe, I've kissed a lot of ugly girls in my life, but nothing quite like . . . "

You can imagine the laughing, and relief, that was shared by those two men and all their co-workers in the shop. Saving the man's life was an act of kindness given in a time of need. It didn't require thanks. Nor would any thanks have been adequate.

But kindness comes in all forms. And the opportunities to extend kindness are boundless, because this is a dry and thirsty world.

Do manly men extend kindnesses in their walk on this world? Only the wise ones, according to Solomon. Whether delivered in word or deed, a kindness is always appropriate, always appreciated, and always benefits the giver as much as the receiver.

Two questions to think about before we go deeper. Can you remember a kindness you received when you really needed it? Can you remember the last time you extended a kindness?

When Plans Go South/Live It!

2008-04-03T20:08:00.004-06:00

"To man belong the plans of the heart..."
The NIV Life Application Study Bible has an excellent insight on this verse (Pr. 16:1). That is that planning gives man an opportunity to act God's way.

Consider that for a moment. If God gives man the ability to make plans, but He reserves the right to determine outcomes, wouldn't it make sense that your plans should conform to God's way if you want them to succeed?

It's less about the planning and more about the attitude. Why do you plan? To make yourself successful or to give God glory by your actions? A great question for self-examination.

So, what does planning God's way look like? Let me give you a true-to-life illustration.

A man that I greatly admire for the way he applies Scripture to practical living determined that he and his family could have more resources available to support Christian endeavors if they cut expenses. After discussing his conviction and some possibilities with his wife, together they planned to sell their large, very nice house and to move to less expensive accommodations.

They made their plan and followed through. I don't know the specifics of how they invested the additional resources that resulted, but I'm sure many Christian efforts over the years have benefited by their plan.

What was interesting was to see his business continue to succeed and expand during that same time. (The plans for his business always reflected Christian values as well.) They've never looked back.

So the key to successful planning is to consider carefully what you're trying to accomplish, how you are going about accomplishing it, and for what reasons, making sure it all honors God.

When Plans Go South/Go Deep

2008-04-02T21:35:00.005-06:00

"Not to plan is to plan to fail."
Solomon could have said that, because he did believe in planning. It just doesn't seem that way to the casual reader.

The sayings of Solomon are often simple, but they are not one-dimensional. You'll miss the deep stuff if you don't linger awhile. Also, you'll miss the texture if you don't compare the sayings to get the full context.

Here's what I see Solomon saying about planning: Planning is a beneficial thing for the wise to do. But, even in the midst of planning, the righteous person maintains a perspective that God is in control and that He may take circumstances a different direction than they were intended.

If you are a wise person, you should be okay with that. Many of Solomon's other sayings indicate his faith that God works in favor of the righteous. Exercising wisdom, a person can trust God even when the best laid plans don't work out.

Solomon also makes clear that your plans need to fit God. In other words, if your plans violate the tenets of God, don't expect them to succeed. He won't bless them.

Here's my back-up:

Planning is beneficial--"The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty." (Pr 21:5)
But God is in control--"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." (Pr 19:21)
God watches over the righteous--"The Lord detests men of perverse heart but he delights in those whose ways are blameless." (Pr. 11:20)
Make God-friendly plans--"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." (Pr 16:3)

Solomon also offers some good advice when it comes to planning. Don't be a lone ranger when you plan (Pr 20:18). Seek out good counsel as you consider options (Pr. 15:22).

So, go ahead and make those plans. Just include God in the process.

I'll wrap up this series Friday.

When Plans Go South/Think About It

2008-03-31T19:53:00.004-06:00

"Best laid plans!"
It sure makes life interesting. It's the central reason why we watch sports.

No matter how well you plan, who you choose to be on your team, how diligently you strategize, or even how hard you work, anything can happen. It's not over till it's over, as they say.

So why plan at all? Sometimes it feels like that.

Solomon even seems to express that sentiment: "To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." (Proverbs 16:1) It's Solomon's clever way of saying, "The Lord has the last word on what happens."

So is Solomon saying not to plan? If so, then why would he say, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" just a few sentences later?

Okay, which is it? Think about it and we'll go deeper mid-week.

Selective Morality/Don't Live It!

2008-03-29T09:26:00.004-06:00

Easy to say. Hard to do.
How do you know you are living with unknown sin?

I've decided I don't want unknown sin in my life. I want to be honest with myself as well as others. I don't want to go to my grave with people saying, "Overall, he was a pretty good guy. But there was this one thing..."

I want to share a blueprint for finding and eradicating hidden sin, but first I want to avoid a guilt trip for any of us. In fact, that's Step One: acknowledging that we are sinners and that we are saved from that state not by our ability to be perfect in terms of following the Law, but by grace. By our relationship with Christ, who was perfect in terms of following the law.

Scripture makes it clear that we can't be perfect in terms of following the law. But, we can be positionally perfect by being in relationship with Christ. From there, it is our relationship with Him, enabled by His Spirit within us, that propels us forward in terms of attaining perfection. It is the Spirit that seals us for eternity and that will one day truly perfect us in eternity.

In the meantime, and this is Step Two, it's up to us to cultivate that relationship with Christ through the Spirit. This involves regular time in God's Word; after all, Christ is considered the manifest Word (John 1:1-2). Time in the word is time with the Word. It also involves regular prayer time, a quiet time for two-way communication with the one who obtained perfection for us.

My prayer for you and myself is that the Spirit will use God's word and prayer to build perfection in us. God knows us to the core of our hearts (Prov. 20:27). The Spirit knows what God knows and reveals it to us (John 16:13). Therefore, working on that relationship is the best thing we can do to be more sensitive to the Spirit's leading, and he will lead us to find and eliminate hidden sin.

It's imperative that we get this right! We will struggle till our deaths if we try to make ourselves perfect and will enter the grave with the biggest load of unnecessary guilt on our shoulders. It is the Spirit working in us that will propel us towards the perfection that Christ has already attained for us (Gal. 3: 2,3).

We're like the Karate Kid. We want to learn how to kick and punch. But what we need to learn are the motions ("Wax on, wax off!"). Work on the relationship with Christ, and the power to change will happen supernaturally.

Step Three is to determine that you will listen to instruction (Prov. 19:16). When the Spirit reveals a sin to you, work with the Spirit to remove that sin. Seek forgiveness, ask for help to change, practice what you've learned. What's important is having both a receptive heart and mind (Prov. 23:12).

A facet of Step Three is to be in relationship with other believers who are wrestling with the same struggles. This includes peers who have the same values and goals. It can include a mentor or even someone you are mentoring.

That's a key reason I've chosen to do this blog. By mentoring others, I'm forced to look into my own life and see how I'm doing. (Thanks for being there!)

The three steps I've laid out are not easy. I still struggle with each. The key is to not be too hard on yourself when you fail. Seek to always keep the relationship alive and vital. Listen and learn. Then, as you learn, apply the lessons in your relationships with others. And, before you know it, selective morality is gone.

Take care!

Selective Morality/Go Deep

2008-03-27T20:18:00.006-06:00

I've been impacted by a teaching I heard recently,
on sin and its deceptive nature. The sin nature blinds individuals and groups, causing them to sin without even realizing it.

The example used was slavery in the early history of America. Churches all over the country accepted slavery as a normal part of life. As such, they also accepted and propagated an attitude that one race was inferior to another and, therefore, either belonged in slavery or deserved it.

So embedded was this attitude in the lives of many Christians that entire denominations split over this issue in the 1860's even as our country tore itself in two over the same moral outrage.

Looking back on this time in history, we wonder, "How could Christians believe in the Bible and seek to practice the values represented in it, and yet live with such an obvious sin in their lives?"

Sin is deceitful, often masquerading as a virtue. And when sin has been adopted by a culture and is not only practiced, but is promoted and accepted as normal, people grow up assuming that attitude is appropriate, not recognizing its insidious nature.

Because we live with a sin nature, it can happen to us individually. We can be very moral in our choices, successfully living a life that reflects proper biblical values. And yet, there can be a blind spot, obvious to others, but one we're oblivious to.

What took me down this route was a realization about the organization of Proverbs. Solomon and other contributing authors cover every imaginable sin. The frustrating thing when studying the book is that all the vices are mixed together. When studying problems related to the mouth, I would find one verse in this chapter, then two in the next, then none in the next, and so on. In the meantime, I was having to wade through lessons about all the other sins.

Is it possible that Solomon was making a statement about sin simply through the organization of his wise sayings? The emphasis in Proverbs is that wisdom is the most valuable possession a man can seek. It comes specifically from God, who is the originator of wisdom. So a relationship with Him is essential in attaining it. Given that, then Solomon admonishes us to seek and accept instruction.

With that as a backdrop, Solomon begins to pummel his readers with saying after saying, each one tackling another sin issue. Not in any specific order that I can tell. Why?

Because sin is so deceitful, a person can be doing great in some areas, but be failing miserably in others. By exposing his readers to so many different sins, Solomon forces us to measure ourselves against them all. He forces an underlying question--does this sin have a foothold in my life? If it does, accept instruction and deal with it.

Whew! That took a lot of words. I'll wrap up for today and will close in a day or two with recommendations on how we can avoid selective morality--living with unknown sins in our lives.

Selective Morality/Think About It

2008-03-24T20:44:00.007-06:00

TV commercials for the city of Las Vegas are a study in selective morality.
Let me explain what I see.

In one television spot, a young man is trying to arrange a wake up call by the front desk of his hotel. But the man is trying to explain that he wants the call to go not to his room, but another that he doesn't know the number of yet. The implication--he doesn't plan on spending the night in his own room.

Wink, wink.

This is one of several commercials the city of Las Vegas is currently airing to build its "Sin City" status. (As an aside, it's likely that a tourism group oversees the production of these spots and the purchase of airtime, probably to some extent with public funds. Your taxes at work.)

Back to Advertising 101. What is the benefit proposition in this spot? It lives in the tagline, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." The promise is that if you will choose Las Vegas for your fun but illicit activity, no one will find out because no one will tell.

A ludicrous promise which a city can in no way guarantee; yet, no doubt there is no shortage of those gullible enough, or craving and desperate enough, to believe it.

But, to the premise of this week's blog. Isn't Las Vegas practicing selective morality? After all, isn't the city encouraging people to come and break as many of the human-to-human relational sins as they can get away with (e.g., adultery, fornication, greed and the like) while at the same time discouraging others?

As as obvious example, people are encouraged to come and gamble their lives away. Yet, the same casinos that benefit from this behavior spend millions on elaborate security systems to keep people from cheating at cards. So, in the state of Nevada, cheating is a weightier offense than, say, losing your life savings, or destroying your marriage, or picking up an STD during a one-night stand, or ...

I'm not making this point for the sake of Las Vegas, though. My desire is to impact those who read this blog.

So, my question for you is, how are you practicing selective morality in your life? Think about it and we'll go deeper mid-week.

Shut! Up!/Live It!

2008-03-22T16:40:00.004-06:00

“From your mouth to God’s ear.”

Reviewing the first 20 chapters of Proverbs and pulling out the verses that had to do with the mouth, I was able to divide those bits of advice into four categories:

Gossip is the best way to lose friends and your influence.
Lying is wicked, right down there with gossiping.
Spouting off without thinking is a quick way to ruin you professionally and relationally.
The mouth can speak life or death into another person’s soul.

I was surprised that there were only one or two verses for each of the first three categories. The vast majority of the observations by Solomon on controlling the mouth had to do with how devastating or uplifting words can be.

I’m remembering, regretfully, a single word that I spoke into the life of my young daughter many years ago. It was a Friday night after a hard week of work. There was a movie on TV that I wanted to see. Yet, my very precocious daughter was having a friend over for the night.

Somewhere in the middle of the flick, my daughter and her friend came into the living room dressed to the hilt in night gowns, lace, furry stoles, and glittery tiaras. In order to give me a proper fashion show, and to have my full attention, they needed silence. So, my daughter reached out and turned off the television in the middle of a crucial scene.

My reaction was immediate and negative. I remember bounding out of the chair and shouting “NO!” as I ran to the TV and turned it back on. Not my finest moment as a father.

You see, the opportunity before me was to speak life into the hearts of two young girls. To show acceptance. To build their self-esteem. To help make their evening special and to create a fond memory for the future. Instead, I reacted selfishly. And the one word I spoke was certainly not life-giving.

Solomon effectively uses contrasts to make the point. The lips of the righteous (those pursuing Wisdom) “nourish many”—a great word picture of caring for others and investing kind words into their lives. Like nutrients, the right words cause a life to flourish. On the other hand, the words of the wicked create strife (18:6), destroy neighbors (11:9, 12), and stir up anger (13:1).

Words have the ability to actually turn a life around. Hear this advice:

“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” (12:25)
“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (16:24)
And the best summary of all, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (12:18)

I’ll wrap up this series by reinforcing what Solomon says, speaking out of my own experience. Words are powerful. As a man, your words have influence beyond what you imagine.

These days, I use my words carefully and with intentionality to nourish. I call both my daughters “Beautiful.” I tell my son how proud I am of his work and his life. I remind my wife that I love her. I tell others that I appreciate them.

As men, we tend to think in terms of projects. I would challenge you to think of every person you meet as a garden that will either flourish or wither based on the words you speak into his or her life.