Proving myself to be messy, this blog entry is a day late.
My apologies. I'll work on that.
We're talking through how to deal with the messiness we find as we interact with and around others.
This is a thorny issue. But, universal as well. Everyone has a co-worker, a relative, a boss, a church member, or a teammate that is a pro at making a mess of relationships and either they're oblivious to it or they don't care. So how do you deal with them?
First, don't think for a minute that you know everything that that person is going through. There are circumstances in life that turn people negative; sometimes for a day, sometimes for a lifetime. I'm sure you've been there--at some level.
So don't respond to every apparent slight. Assume there may be an unseen reason for the misbehavior--excusable or not, it never hurts to respond in kindness when you've been hurt. But, take mental notes. Be aware of the situations when this person misbehaves. See if you can spot a pattern, so you can be on guard when the circumstances are ripe for an incident.
When meeting with a difficult person, be sure to establish some agreed upon norms that you work under. Things like, "we will always be on time," "we will follow-through with all agreements," or "we will support the group decision, regardless of whether we are in favor of the decision." These norms can help avoid the misbehavior by preempting it.
If you must confront a difficult person, use "I" messages. An example: "I feel nervous when you scowl and raise your voice. It always puts me on edge, making it hard for me to hear what you are saying." You confront the issue without accusing the other person. In the process, you make them aware that their behavior is impacting their ability to work well with you.
Above all, both during and after the confrontation, respond to the difficult person using the fruit of the spirit. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23) Responding in this way changes the tone. Even the most difficult person responds positively to this type of behavior--even if only for the moment.
Be careful out there!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Messiness/Go Deep
Me? Messy?
'fraid so.
The first implication of understanding that all living things create a mess is to accept that the principle applies to me.
There's a saying I used to hear as a youngster when older folk would talk about someone who had an over-inflated opinion of himself: "He thinks his farts don't stink." The message was obvious even to a young boy. Everyone around this person was suffering, while he blithely went about his business, oblivious to the pain he had caused others.
There's a lot of that going around these days. I don't want to be that person.
Paul had something to say about that to Christians in his day: "...Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment..." (Romans 12:3). This is the same man who earlier in his letter made sure his readers knew that everyone sins and falls short of God's holy standards (3:23).
Taking those principles to heart, what should our response be? The first is to know ourselves, to judge our own faults soberly, and to work on them. Self-improvement shouldn't mean bettering ourselves to better our place. It means being concerned about others and making sure that who we are doesn't get in the way of a healthy relationship with others.
Another is to understand that we are capable of making mistakes and sometimes those mistakes can hurt others. We have an obligation to be aware when we wrong others and to somehow make it right. The tongue is often the biggest offender. An apology is always an appropriate response when you sense you may have hurt someone.
It's a mindset that runs counter to the culture. Paul talked about it when he said (in Hebrews 12:14) "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy..." It's a two-pronged attack. Work on yourself so you can work with others.
Friday, let's consider the implications of dealing with others who themselves are messy.
'fraid so.
The first implication of understanding that all living things create a mess is to accept that the principle applies to me.
There's a saying I used to hear as a youngster when older folk would talk about someone who had an over-inflated opinion of himself: "He thinks his farts don't stink." The message was obvious even to a young boy. Everyone around this person was suffering, while he blithely went about his business, oblivious to the pain he had caused others.
There's a lot of that going around these days. I don't want to be that person.
Paul had something to say about that to Christians in his day: "...Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment..." (Romans 12:3). This is the same man who earlier in his letter made sure his readers knew that everyone sins and falls short of God's holy standards (3:23).
Taking those principles to heart, what should our response be? The first is to know ourselves, to judge our own faults soberly, and to work on them. Self-improvement shouldn't mean bettering ourselves to better our place. It means being concerned about others and making sure that who we are doesn't get in the way of a healthy relationship with others.
Another is to understand that we are capable of making mistakes and sometimes those mistakes can hurt others. We have an obligation to be aware when we wrong others and to somehow make it right. The tongue is often the biggest offender. An apology is always an appropriate response when you sense you may have hurt someone.
It's a mindset that runs counter to the culture. Paul talked about it when he said (in Hebrews 12:14) "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy..." It's a two-pronged attack. Work on yourself so you can work with others.
Friday, let's consider the implications of dealing with others who themselves are messy.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Messiness/Think About It
My biology-teaching daughter recently enlightened her students about a fact of life.
No, not that one.
The teens were observing a collection of very tiny insects when they noticed some small, black specks. Here's how the conversation progressed:
Student: What's that?
Teacher: What's what?
Student: Those black specs.
Teacher: Oh! Waste!
Student: Huh?
Teacher: Poop!
Student: Eeeeewwwww!
The biology lesson that followed consisted of this fact: Every living thing creates waste as a bi-product of simply existing. Every living creature leaves a mess.
My reaction: No kidding!
I'm thinking of myself, of course. And others.
And the implications of both.
Think about it and we'll talk it through later this week.
No, not that one.
The teens were observing a collection of very tiny insects when they noticed some small, black specks. Here's how the conversation progressed:
Student: What's that?
Teacher: What's what?
Student: Those black specs.
Teacher: Oh! Waste!
Student: Huh?
Teacher: Poop!
Student: Eeeeewwwww!
The biology lesson that followed consisted of this fact: Every living thing creates waste as a bi-product of simply existing. Every living creature leaves a mess.
My reaction: No kidding!
I'm thinking of myself, of course. And others.
And the implications of both.
Think about it and we'll talk it through later this week.
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