Good vs. Courageous?/Live It!

Fear holds us back!
It's the river, according to Gus Lee, that the good person refuses to cross. And that's unfortunate, because on the opposite bank lies the land of the courageous.

Again, understanding the premise of why good isn't all a leader needs is found in Lee's definition of "courageous."

In his book, "Courage," Gus defines a courageous leader as the person who boldly stands for principles and for all others. He supports values, and doing so he does not play favorites.

The most important core values of the courageous leader, then, are these:

• Integrity--This leader discerns right from wrong, acts for the right despite the risks, and teaches others from that act.


• Courage--First, this leader stops wrong in himself. Then, he challenges wrongs in others and always follows through.


• Character--This leader sustains integrity and courage, always in an effort to maximize integrity.

Here's the rub: adhering to these core values requires a leader to confront. It's not enough to recognize when someone isn't measuring up. You must confront the behavior that is wrong--in every case.

I don't care who you are, that is scary. I'm trying to discern why that's so in my case. After all, if the behavior is wrong, why would confronting that behavior be difficult?

You would have to be confident, and by that I don't mean arrogant. For me, this confidence should come from an uncompromising belief in the values you live and espouse, plus an absolute conviction that confronting people who deviate from these values is protecting your team as well as improving the people you confront.

You would have to overcome the lack of confidence that comes from uncertainty, over-sensitivity to others, and your own complacency towards the values that will make your team successful.

I wonder if any of this is close to Lee's advice in the rest of his book? I'd better finish it and find out.

Thanks for working through this with me. I want to be that courageous leader.

Good vs. Courageous?/Go Deep

When is good not good enough?
In Gus Lee's book, "Courage--the backbone of leadership," just being good doesn't cut it in executive positions. You need to be courageous, he says.

If you're confused, welcome to my world. But it helps to know how Gus defines good. A "good person" avoids personal wrongs, but doesn't take unpleasant stands for principles (which makes him prone to standing, at times, for favorites rather than values).

A good person is good, adhering to the principles of honesty, honor and ethics. But, a leader should be more.

Gus uses the analogy of how a boxing coach confronted him and others to make them the best they could be. He did not hesitate to translate his values to his young students, peppering them as much about ethics as about how to defend against a right jab. Also, he was diligent about confronting every breach of ethics that he witnessed.

The coach wanted only the best for those he mentored. And that included not allowing them to get away with disrespecting themselves by breaking those values.

That, according to Gus, is a true leader. Never satisfied to see people fall short of the best, he communicates the standards and then holds those within his care to account for living up to those standards. That, Gus says, is what it means to be courageous.

The impression I get is that Gus believes a good person is all right. It's just that, if you're just good, you should not aspire to be a leader.

There's the challenge. Can I be courageous? How can I be a courageous leader? Early in his book, Gus gives some clues.

Good vs. Courageous?/Think About It

I'm reading a challenging book.
It's titled, "Courage--the backbone of leadership," written by Gus Lee, a business consultant.

According to Lee, no one wants to consider himself a coward. Yet, few, he says, fall into the category of courageous. Instead, they fall into a lesser category, "good." I'll get into more of the difference between the two later.

For now, I want you to struggle with me. I've always thought of myself as a courageous person, and a leader. But, I've also known that I am conflict-adverse. Apparently, most people are. Perhaps, even you?

The question is whether you can be a "courageous leader" unless you conquer that fear of conflict and confront the negatives that you see in the workplace. Honestly, that's not where I live. I tend to take care of myself, watching my P's and Q's and making sure I measure up. That other person? Well, he's responsible for himself.

So isn't example an adequate approach to leadership? Apparently, it takes both in Lee's estimation. It's obvious that you can't confront other's negatives effectively unless you are first living up to the values you espouse. But, just living up to those values isn't enough. You must confront those who are failing to live up to the values that will bring success to the operation.

I'm just beginning this book, so I'm trusting that Lee will provide more of the tools that help you know when to confront and how. But, for now, it's significant enough that I'm struggling with Lee's proposition. I may have to settle that personal issue before any practical steps will be of help.

How about you?

Together/Live It!

Be thankful for the friends you have.
They provide more than you think and a whole lot of what we need in life.

Again, a collection of "Quotable Quotes" from a Reader's Digest delivered some great reminders of the benefits of friendship:

• Acceptance. "Getting people to like you is only the other side of liking them."--Norman Vincent Peale. This fits very neatly with the principle of being a friend to make friends. Friendship brings with it acceptance, a nutrient we all crave.
• Encouragement. "Friendships multiply joys and divide griefs."--H. G. Bohn. In good times and bad, friends provide encouragement that feeds our soul.
• Support. "Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer."--Ed Cunningham. That is rare. Are you one of those who listen when others need to share?
• Effectiveness. "No matter what accomplishments you achieve, somebody helps you."--Althea Gibson. The longer I live, the more evidence I see that this is true. Never forget the friends, the co-workers, that help you achieve.
• Mentoring. "Men are men before they are lawyers, or physicians, or merchants, or manufacturers; and if you make them capable and sensible men, they will make themselves capable and sensible lawyers or physicians."--John Stuart Mill. We all need mentors; yet, there's a dearth of good coaches these days. Perhaps you can become one?

Friendship is such an essential--worth the thoughtfulness, intentionality, and effort to create and maintain. Try it. You'll like it!

Together/Go Deep

"Strangers are friends that you have yet to meet." --Robert Lieberman

I used to complain that I had few close friends, until I realized that the bulk of the problem lay with me. Friendship isn't something that just happens. It's something that you work at making happen.

It starts by realizing the wealth that comes from a close-knit group of friends who are investing in each others lives. Or, the poverty that exists in a vacuum without shared interests and experiences and support.

I found a compilation of "Quotable Quotes" from Reader's Digest that take it from there:

Friends develop from the pool of acquaintances you have around you. "One does not make friends. One recognizes them." --Garth Henrichs

Seeking friends is an unselfish process if done correctly. "The only way to have a friend is to be one." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

You put other's interests ahead of your own. You prove your worth as a friend first before expecting others to befriend you. "You can make more friends in a month by being interested in them than in ten years by trying to get them interested in you." --Charles L. Allen

Don't look for perfection in a friend. Look for (and model) loyalty. "A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes." --Doug Larson

Don't expect true friendship to spring up overnight. It's a process that takes time. "True friendship is a plant of slow growth." --George Washington

Friendship is a life essential. The fact that so many have thought (and written) so much about it is proof that it is a cherished and necessary component of living. I've decided I need to work harder at building true friendships.

I've found other quotes that speak to the benefits of a "team of friends." More on that later this week.

Together/Think About It

I watched a rip-roarin' football game Saturday night.
It was the Oklahoma Sooners that were rippin' up the #2 Texas Tech Red Raiders. And it was the OU fan base that was roarin'.

A little one-sided, to say the least, as the #5 Sooners romped over the Raiders to the tune of a 45-point margin.

Headed into the locker room at halftime, behind 42-7, the Tech coach told a reporter, "We just never got the players settled down." That's shorthand for, "The team is not playing like a team."

Too hyped, too nervous, too charged or too whatever, the individual Tech players were unable to concentrate. They weren't executing individually and lost cohesion as a team. It wasn't apparent that Tech was a team until their final drive, when they put together 12 plays for 99 yards and a rare touchdown.

This was a team that was 10-0 coming into Norman, Oklahoma. They had regularly romped over their opponents, having only one close game this season (vs. Nebraska, won in overtime). Both the quarterback and the team were racking up all sorts of records, too many to summarize in this post.

The team's complete disintegration in the face of a strong OU performance was a big reminder to me of how important teamwork is. Individuals do not win games. Excellent individual performances come together in a pattern of success that achieves mutual goals--yards, first downs, touchdowns, the win.

Even the very best QB--a Heisman Trophy contender Graham Harrell--can't do it alone.

Then why is it we, as men, tend to go-it-alone? Many times in pride, sometimes out of convenience, and at times out of unfortunate necessity, we tackle some of life's hardest challenges as Lone Rangers. When we do, it often ends in disaster.

Think about your tendency to rely only on self. Think about what would be different with a close-knit troop of friends who could be true team players with you. Then we'll go deep on Wednesday.

Full Cycle

I've been out-of-pocket this week, attending a memorial service of a friend of the family.

In fact, you know the family.

In "When Mortality Calls/Think About It" (Oct. 13, 2008), I talked about my father's death. One of the first persons to arrive at my parent's house was my brother-in-law, Tom. It's 23 years on the other side of that day, and Tom's father has passed away after battling a brain tumor for a period of months.

Tom was a godsend to my family on that fateful day 23 years ago. The experience profoundly affected Tom, who was a young man at the time. His first stop after leaving the hospital that day was to stop by his father's house and spend time with him.

I believe it changed Tom's perspective. He always loved and appreciated his Dad. But, from the day of my father's death, he seemed to cherish every time he had with his dad. And they had 23 more years of projects, fishing trips, family dinners, special occasions and the like. A blessing that became more real to Tom because he saw early on that life together is not a guarantee.

An interesting full-cycle happened during the past months.

My sister-in-law is a nurse who serves with a cancer doctor. It turned out that her doctor was assigned to treat Tom's father. So my sister-in-law, my brother's wife, was privileged to serve Tom's father and family during this ordeal. I considered it God's grace that a family member from my side was able to be there for Tom when time came.

It's a reminder of how everything is connected. Treat others in a way you would want to be treated. Chances are, life with orchestrate a pay-back.

I'll be back in the swing of a regular post next week. Till then, take care. ch

Signs of the Times/Three

Most bumper stickers are just for fun.
Like the one I saw this past week: "What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?"

Other than a good laugh, the only residual impact I took away from this auto eye candy was having that song stuck in my head. Nothing more.

Is it possible others take the sentiment as something a little more serious, though? Hard to say. But for people without a solid sense of purpose, it seems that even a hokey pokey reference could throw them for a loop.

That could be the reason Rick Warren's book, "The Purpose-Driven Life," is such a huge seller nationally and internationally. Rick does a great job of matching our need to find purpose with solid, understandable direction from God's Word.

There was another "life philosophy" bumper sticker I saw this past week. This one was designed to look similar to Colorado license plates, with a green mountain range and a white sky background. The message simply read, "It's all good." Now, this one made me think.

I'm assuming the meaning (for the car's owner) was that everything was made good because he lives in Colorado. That interpretation came partly from the mountain range reference, but the well-worn SUV was the best clue.

I can see individuals living by such a philosophy. If you've ever been around four-wheeler enthusiasts, life is nothing but good when they are looking forward to a weekend in the mountains.

But I can't see that as an enduring life philosophy. In the first place, it's not all good And those things that are bad can't be made good by what is. Life is a mix. We take it as it comes; but the goal is to not let the bad "color" your life in the negative. We need to see the bad realistically, and deal with it in as positive manner as we can. Then, we need to enjoy the good as it happens, not allowing the bad to take away the joy of little pleasures.

I'm preaching to myself, here, folks. I've been allowing the bad to color too much of my world lately. It's an easy pattern to fall into. But how ridiculous it would be to drive around with a bumper sticker on the back of your car that reads, "It's all bad," allowing the bad in life to negate everything good.

Signs of the Time/Two

It is all about me, isn't it?
Well, in fact, it is, if we're honest about it.

Starbucks knows that better than anyone and proved it with a simple and effective billboard I saw this past week. The board had very little to it: simply a cup of coffee with the Starbucks logo on it, then the words "Reward Yourself" followed by a couple of addresses.

That was it. Actually, it was perfect.

Rule of thumb for outdoor boards is to have no more than eight words. I think it should be no more than eight elements. In other words, for me, a logo counts as a word. It has to be seen, understood, and translated into meaning, just like a word.

From a moving vehicle, most people only have about seven seconds to see, read, understand and respond to a billboard. Think of that the next time you see an outdoor board with 10 words, a photo, a logo, and a long address line.

In contrast, think of the Starbucks example: two words, a graphic and logo combined in one element, and two addresses. Plus, the meaning is quickly understood and easy to respond to. Why? Because it really is all about me!

How many times have you said, "I deserve some kind of a reward for this." Or maybe the sentiment was, "I don't deserve this! I need something good to happen to me to even this out." Starbucks just taps into that mind set, offering both the means and the opportunity to even the score.

We seem to keep a running tab in our heads of the pluses and minuses we experience, sensing that a truly just world would allow the positives to outweigh the negatives. But, alas, the real world crushes that dream. So we're left with a void that needs satiated: "I want justice. I want some payback, even if I have to go buy it."

If this sounds familiar, take note. There are other companies aware of this tendency in us, and they don't mind tapping into your need to "reward yourself" to sell their products.

Caveat emptor! (The buyer beware.) In most cases, you're buying only a temporary feel-good substitute for true justice. You won't find satisfaction in a cup of over-priced java. Likely, just more calories than you truly need.

Signs of the Times/One

Are bumper stickers and billboards accurate measures of the state of the country?

If so, we're in bigger trouble than I would hope.

I've been spending a lot of time on the road, recently, and so have had time to catch up on bumper sticker philosophy. When I see a compelling message on the back of a car, I always have to catch up and look at the person in the driver's seat. But not in every case.

I saw a sticker on a domestic junker recently that seemed to speak to the political climate of the day: "I'd like to see things from your perspective, but I just can't get my head that far up my (bleep)!"

Well, all right then. The first thing that popped into my head was the condemning look of the church lady on Saturday Night Live years ago. My second thought was, "That pretty much sums up how people on opposite ends of the political spectrum think of each other nowadays."

Have you noticed this election cycle how vitriolic the language is getting, from both sides? We're in the last few days of the campaign and the airwaves are filled with fear-tactic messages trying to scare people away from either a candidate or a ballot issue.

How can people work together when they've shoveled that much dirt on one another? Even people within the same party disparage each other during the primaries.

The country is in deep trouble in a variety of ways. It seems we should be pulling together and trying to find ways to work toward the common good. But there's a definite "all or nothing" attitude at election time that carries over into the in-between times when legislation is supposed to happen.

We've been suffering, at times, from legislative gridlock that keeps us from having decent energy, environmental, and economic policies. Yet, everyone continues down the same ultra-partisan road that condemns us to inaction.

Hey, it's funny on a bumper sticker. But in real life, not so funny.

A Week Off

Hi folks!
Sorry I'm a day late on this.

My Monday started at 2:15 a.m. when my wife and I received a call from our daughter who was going into labor. Happily, our second granddaughter was born at 8:43 a.m. the same morning, healthy and wide-eyed.

At some point late Monday night, I realized that (1) I had been going for 20 hours straight after having only had 3.5 hours of sleep the night before and (2) I hadn't started my blog.

Still recovering, I'm going to take a break this week, try to catch up on my sleep, and enjoy this new addition to our family.

I'll be back with a new blog on Monday, November 2.

Don't forget to vote!

Learning "Marriage"/Live It!

There's a reason that couples who have been married for many years seem to be a lot alike.

They typically were attracted to each other because they had a lot in common in the first place. And, after many years of working together toward common goals and bringing issues to resolution, they become even more like-minded.

That's a key fact that young marrieds need to remember. At times, it seems like things will never get better. In the heat of the moment, it can feel like there's no hope of a smooth-sailing relationship. Give it time. As a variable in the marriage relationship, time together can make a big difference.

There are two other components to a successful relationship that men and women should pay attention to--love and respect. Dr. Emerson Eggerich, a former pastor and a psychologist, wrote a book on how these two courtesies build strong, lasting marriages.

But, Emerson wasn't the original. Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesians, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Eph. 5:33)

Dr. Eggerich says in his book, "Love and Respect", that couples get into a downward cycle. The wife perceives that her husband isn't loving her because he is being unsympathetic or isn't showing her attention. So, she disrespects her husband. The husband responds with more behavior that indicates to the woman that he doesn't love her, and the descent to a broken relationship continues.

The cycle can only be broken when one or the other responds in love or respect. Since this is a blog for men, I'll give you a few tips on how you can show love to your wife:

• Listen--When my wife asks, "How was your day?" I know that that's actually an invitation to a conversation. The woman is the one with a need to verbally relate her day to the man. But she does genuinely want to know how you feel about your day. So relate not just the events of the day, but how you feel about how things are going. Then reciprocate. Ask how her day was and really listen.
• Gifts--A woman needs to feel that she is your one and only choice for a life mate. One way you can do that is with unexpected gifts. Nothing elaborate. A card with a simple note, reminding her that you want to be with her. Flowers given "just because" are a lasting reminder of your affection.
• Time--A surprise date fits into this category. Take a little time off work and arrange a special time together. Whatever you do, make sure it is a quiet place that allows for conversation (the listen thing).
• Reassurance--You need to always be aware of what your wife says and think about why she is saying it. There are times when my wife says, "I know you'd rather be doing something else." That's an opportunity to reassure her that there's no place else I'd rather be.

If you are certain to deliver regular doses of love to your wife, you'll be surprised with how much respect you get in return. It fits under the golden rule principle. If you want to be happy, make the one closest to you happy first.

Learning "Marriage"/Go Deep

Toilet lid: leave it up or down?
Tooth paste: squeeze the tube in the middle or from the bottom up?
Toilet paper: over or under?

These weighty issues are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the conflicts newly married couples have to work out.

My advice to young marrieds starts with recommending an attitude of foreverness. (Not a word, but it communicates.) You may have thought marriage was going to be perfect. But when you found out it wasn't, that doesn't change the fact that you've made an agreement, a covenant, to remain together forever.

If you both agree on that premise, then you leave yourselves no option other than working through the conflicts. You need to learn how to talk openly and honestly about your feelings, without putting your mate down. That sounds like, "I feel like this..." rather than "You always do this..."

Always seek the win-win solution. So, if it requires two separate, yet equal tubes of tooth paste, work it out. If you practice on the smaller issues, it won't be as hard to tackle the really difficult conflicts.

That does bring up a related point: don't major on the minors. A couple needs to be a team. There are plenty of enemies "out there" that have to be confronted. If your relationship is constantly being hampered by conflicts over piddly stuff, you won't be an effective team when tackling life. Let go of the things that aren't significant.

That united front should be consistently shown in public. One of my biggest mistakes as a newly married man was bringing up an issue "in front of company" that my wife and I had disagreed about. Stupid. Did I think I'd get some cover from people outside my marriage? Didn't work. I just embarrassed myself and my wife.

Join me later this week for more marriage-keeper tips.

Learning "Marriage"/Think About It

I have both a son and a son-in-law navigating the sometimes rough waters called "new marriage relationship."

They are both doing well, but not without putting in some work. Bringing together two distinct personalities from two totally different backgrounds into a marriage and making them "one" is not an easy thing.

I had the privilege of counseling with a young missionary a few years ago who was struggling with that relationship-building thing. He was originally from Australia, but had entered an international language school after surrendering his life to missions. At school, he met a beautiful young Asian woman who also had committed her life to missions and was studying the same language.

Other than the mutual attraction, I believe the similarities stopped there. Nonetheless, they fell in love and married before venturing out onto the mission field.

The young man explained that "it was hard" to connect and to work together as a couple. My response to him was, "No kidding!" The first thing I wanted him to know was that he was not alone. Everyone--and I mean everyone--has a bumpy time at first.

Think about it. You're bringing together two individuals and are attempting to make a couple. There are two different backgrounds, two viewpoints, two sets of habits that now have to become compatible. There are differing (and sometimes diverse) tastes in foods, in fashions, and interior design. There are chores that have to be divvied up. There are questions about budgeting and spending that must be answered. There are spiritual matters, career matters, and family matters that must be explored.

Forget about obsessing over whether the toilet lid stays up or down. That's the least of your worries.

Now, add to all that the challenge of blending two cultures and the stress of moving into a strange country and culture where there is virtually no support group. That's where this missionary couple was living. Whew! Yes, I would say, "It's hard!"

But, it's far from hopeless. I'm not a certified marriage counselor of any kind. But, I have been married for nearly 35 years and have been exposed to a lot of marriage helps (yes, because I needed a lot of marriage helps). So I shared what I could in the short amount of time we had together.

I'd like to share some of those newly married tips this week, some of which I discussed with my young missionary friend, and others that I wish I had remembered at the time.

In the meantime, how is your relationship doing? Or, more importantly, how do you want your relationship to be doing? Think about it!

When Mortality Calls/Live It!

Christian writer and C. S. Lewis gave dimension to his thoughts on pain and suffering in his book, "The Problem of Pain."

The questions he seemed to be exploring is "Why do we suffer?" and "What kind of a perspective should Christian's have when we face pain?"

Here's what he said:

"The Christian doctrine of suffering explains, I believe, a very curious fact about the world we live in. The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast.

In other words, Lewis' experience was that, in life, we do not find a permanent sense of peace. Troubles come in and out of our existence, keeping us from reaching that place of rest that we all seek. On the other hand, those things that bring us joy and happiness in life seem to be fairly plentiful and scattered throughout our days.

Lewis continued: "We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency.

"Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home."

He brings a simple, yet insightful, life principle to light. It's a perspective that only Christians can possess. Those things that bring pain and suffering in life should be viewed as reminders that this life is not our destination, not our home.

Christ said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." (John 14:1-3)

We have a place waiting for us. And this world is not it. But God gives is little pleasures along the way that do brighten our world, when we let them.

When Mortality Calls/Go Deep

Death is cruel, and not a respecter of persons.

No one gets a pass. Death comes to all at some point in time. The only questions are when and how. And then, for those who survive a loved one, why?

It's a deep question that cries out for an answer. Christian writer C. S. Lewis observed the cruelty of death during World War II. He asked the questions, and then wrote and spoke about what he found.

In a sermon he preached, called "Learning in War-Time," Lewis said, "War makes death real to us, and that would have been regarded as one of its blessings by most of the great Christians of the past. They thought it good for us to be always aware of our mortality. I am inclined to think they were right."

Lewis goes on to postulate that the basic instinct of an unregenerate man is to seek to build up a "heaven on earth." Think about it. Many in our world today are working to do just that. They surround themselves with worldly toys--possessions, women, trophies. And many succeed, shielding themselves from life's unseemly side, insulating themselves from suffering, and propping up a view that life is wonderful.

For Lewis, war had savaged this illusion. War shows us in no uncertain terms exactly what kind of world we live in. We are forced to face death as a brutal reality.

Lewis continued, "If we thought we were building up a heaven on earth, if we looked for something that would turn the present world from a place of pilgrimage into a permanent city satisfying the soul of man, we are disillusioned, and not a moment too soon."

This improper attitude--that we can somehow conquer death on our own and hold it off while seeking and fulfilling our own pleasures--is shattered in the face of our mortality.

Then Lewis pointed to the proper attitude: "But if we thought that for some souls, and at some times, the life of learning, humbly offered to God, was, in its own small way, one of the appointed approaches to the Divine reality and the Divine beauty which we hope to enjoy hereafter, we can think so still."

What I get out of that statement is that life should be lived from a humble vantage point. Realize that we are mortal. Understand that we live in a fallen world that delivers death as the ultimate judgment for a sinful life. But also, know a loving God that doesn't leave us in this wretched state. Live life, and learn what it means to be held by God's saving grace, even when we face untold sufferings.

When we do that, we somehow move closer to the life we hope to live in eternity. And so, even when facing the grim cruelty of death, we can find purpose.

Lewis added dimension to his point through a passage in his book, "The Problem of Pain," published a year later. We'll look at that at the end of this week.

When Mortality Calls/Think About It

I remember the moment as if it were yesterday.

I was in a meeting, and a man interrupted with a stiff face and a flat statement, "Your father has had a stroke. You need to get to the hospital."

My thoughts were swirling as I excused myself and headed for the car. "Dad's too young to have had a stroke," I rationalized. "This must be a mistake." I was only partially right. It was a heart attack.

When I arrived at the hospital, a youngish ambulance driver with red hair and an ashen face was just coming out of the emergency entrance. He seemed visibly shaken and downcast.

As I entered the waiting room, my mother was already present. She was part of a circle of three, holding hands and praying. She was squeezing her eyes shut tight, as if by straining she could make her earnest prayers change everything. But the tears flowed through the seams just the same.

My brother-in-law, Tom, was part of the circle. His eyes were wide open, even as the minister prayed. He had followed the ambulance to my parents' house by intuition, having just happened to drive by the neighborhood at the right moment. His face struggled with disbelief at what he was experiencing.

When the hospital clergyman realized who I was, he ushered me close to the room where doctors and nurses frantically worked on my father. For over a half hour, they attempted to save him, but to no avail. The artery that fed my father's heart had exploded and the damage done was too extensive to make resuscitation possible.

My two brothers were out of town, so I represented my mother as the head nurse explained all that would happen next--a short and difficult course on attending to the business of the dead. She handed me a clear baggy with the personal possessions my father had on him when he arrived at the hospital. His wallet and comb, keys, some change, and his wedding band. I fought back the tears, trying to listen intently, and asking the necessary questions.

Shortly after that, I had one moment alone with my father. I reached out and touched his lifeless body and the realization came to me in an instant. "Gone!" I involuntarily looked upward and an audible gasp escaped my mouth.

Perhaps needless to say, it was the most difficult moment of my young life. My father was only 59, and I was just 30. It shouldn't have been. But, it was. How do you reconcile the unfair pain of such a moment? Or can you?

Let's explore the discussion more mid-week.

A Time of Drought/Live It!

What goes down must go down?

That's not the way I remember that saying. Yet, here we are a full business week on the other side of the presumed answer to our economic woes, a $700 billion bailout, and the market has plunged another 500 points or so.

Looking at my third quarter retirement fund statement Friday was probably similar to experiencing a slasher movie--you can't stand to see it, but you can't look away.

That's why I don't go to slasher movies, by the way. But, we can't ignore real life, and that's what we're experiencing with this economic disaster we're facing. All the pundits now are saying that we're in for a long recovery. There won't be any quick fix, no short-term suffering here.

Elijah entered into a period of suffering that had an undetermined time frame attached to it. All God told him, and all Elijah conveyed to King Ahab, was the bad news that a drought was coming. Period. It was meant to make a point and to draw the nation of Israel back to God. The covenant God had struck with Israel promised woes if they turned their eyes to false gods.

Yet, there were many good people--even people within Ahab's own officer core (I Ki. 18:3-4)--who would have to suffer along with those who had turned their backs on God. But, in the midst of the calamity, God showed His plan, protection, and provision for Elijah. Here's how I see it:

• God's Plan--God always has a plan for His people. In I Ki. 17:3 & 9, God revealed what He wanted Elijah to do during this trial. God moved Elijah geographically and culturally, opening his eyes to how big the Lord is and how mightily He can move. But, at that point in time, God intended Elijah to be scarce.
• His Protection--Israel needed to suffer by itself for a time. Ahab looked for Elijah, probably wanting him to put a stop to the drought, but couldn't find him. Part of God's plan was to protect Elijah from Ahab's vengeance.
• His Provision--While God was executing His plan and protecting Elijah, He was also providing for his basic needs. Note that I said basic. Elijah wasn't living in the lap of luxury, although it might have been exciting each day to see what the ravens brought (I Ki. 17:6). It was probably also thrilling that the widow's jar of flour and jug of oil never ran out (I Ki. 17:16). But, can you imagine eating the same thing every day for 3-plus years? Elijah did suffer, but his needs were met.

In the midst of this financial crisis we're facing, it would be natural for you to question where God is in all this. I've seen a few crises in my lifetime and will gladly tell you that God was faithful to provide for my family through them. They were not easy times, but we grew through the experiences.

We were drawn closer to God, relying more and more on Him and less on our own ingenuity. I don't know for certain if we are stepping into such a time right now. But I am confident that, if we are, God is present with His plan, protection, and provision.

A Time of Drought/Go Deep

Ahab was one of the most evil kings to sit on Israel's throne.

He took over in about 874 B.C. and ruled the nation--or rather, ruined the nation--for some 22 years.

This was during a time when Israel and Judah were split. The southern kingdom, Judah, had Jerusalem, the Temple, and a good king every now and again; so Judah remained closer to God's Law. By contrast, Israel not only built a competing temple, the nation intermingled with its evil neighbors and veered far from the path God had set.

Part of what made Ahab so bad for the kingdom was his marriage to Jezebel, the princess of Tyre. Her father, Tyre's king, was originally a high priest of the pagan god Baal. Little Jezzy determined it was her purpose in life to turn Israel to the dark side, Baal worship.

She was pretty much succeeding, too, except for this pesky prophet Elijah. Elijah had a habit of telling Ahab and his household exactly what the true God thought.

In I Kings 17, we see Elijah delivering one of those messages from God. A drought was coming, bad news on a number of fronts, but also a slap in the face to the fake god Baal, who was supposed to provide rains and bountiful harvests.

There are so many lessons in this story. But, here's the one for this entry.

God delivered a drought to Israel to achieve His higher purposes. Elijah was one of the good guys; but he had to endure the drought along with many others who didn't deserve the headache.

In the midst of the hardships, though, God showed Elijah His plan, His provision, and His protection. Let's finish this lesson on Saturday.

A Time of Drought/Think About It

Our country appears to be moving into a time of economic drought.
What was my first clue, you ask?

My rapidly shrinking retirement fund for starters. Then, the media frenzy surrounding Congress' passage of a $700 billion bailout. And, of course, there's the souring political fortunes of John McCain (a bad economy is always bad for the incumbent party).

The bailout's passage was supposed to turn the Dow Jones around right away. But, it didn't happen. Today, the market dropped close to 400 more points on the news that global markets were seizing up at the news of America's failing financial health.

Soon, people won't be able to buy a vowel on Wheel of Fortune. (We can kiss it all goodbye when that happens.)

Most of us are looking around wondering, "What in the heck happened here?" We were doing our part, working hard, paying debts, watching our P's and Q's. But someone wasn't watching either.

Blame it on poor oversight by our government, greed among government-supported mortgage companies and their executives, and a national media that no longer searches out and spotlights truth, but instead runs interference for left-leaning causes.

Knowing this, unfortunately, doesn't make it go away. We appear to be in for a bad time--an economic drought. In spite of the fact that most of us did not cause this, we will still take part of the hit.

So what should our response be in the face of this injustice? Why are we having to experience it? Where is God in all this?

Read a story about another drought and the people who had to endure it, and we'll talk more mid-week. You'll find the biblical account in I Kings 17. Read, and then think about it.

What Is Good/Live It!

Micah was the inspiration for this blog.

A prophet to the people of God, Micah warned of the coming captivity, a punishment on the nation Israel for not following God's Word. For Micah, God's direction was pretty straightforward:

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8)

Again, the same two themes are present. The first is to love God ("...walk humbly with your God.") and the second is to live in harmony with your fellow man ("...To act justly and to love mercy...").

The key to accomplishing both is acknowledging that we can't do either without God's help. God gave us the Ten Commandments, in fact, to show us just how desperately incapable we are of being righteous on our own. So leaning on God (which requires humbling yourself) is the first essential step.

From that point, we begin a daily walk with God. Imagine walking with someone very important and meaningful to you. Let's say, the President or a famous author or an accomplished authority in your career field.

As you spend time with that person, wouldn't you avoid doing things that would offend him or her? Instead, you'd try to say and do things that would impress the person. Also, you'd try to learn what you could from the person while you're together.

That's all God asks of us. Then, He expects us to apply what we've learned in practical living.

My desire is to grow closer to God. It's a goal that's hard to achieve. Somehow, I let things get in the way. I struggle, like the Apostle Paul, against this human nature that draws me away from God.

Maybe, just maybe, if I keep my personal vision and mission statements at the forefront of my mind, I'll do a better job of getting there. We'll see. It's better than giving up.

What Is Good/Go Deep

I'm just wondering.
What is it that takes me so off track from the course God sets for me?

God makes it simple. I tend to complicate it.

Consider the Ten Commandments. The first four are focused on how we should relate to God. The final six govern how we should relate to our fellow man. There are only ten, easily grasped.

Jesus summarized them in two simplified statements: ". . .'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' ; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "--Luke 10:27

I've worked on vision and mission statements for several organizations. If done well, those statements can be used as a guide for making decisions that will keep an organization on track to achieving its goals.

But, I've never created personal vision and mission statements. Seems like a good idea. The model I've used goes like this: the vision statement is a concise statement of your overarching goal and the mission statement expresses how you plan to reach that goal.

Here's my attempt:

• Vision - My goal is to grow ever closer to God as I conform my spiritual and physical walks to the example of Jesus Christ.
• Mission - I will (a) love God and (b) love mankind in Jesus name.

The theory is this. Using these two statements as my guide, I should be able to evaluate whether the activities of my life help or hurt my reaching the goal. Then, as I have opportunity to add new activities to my schedule, I can use these guides to add only those things that will move me closer to the prize.

Good in theory. How will it work in practice?

What Is Good/Think About It

What is good.
That's a statement that we tend to turn into a question.

Partly because it's the tendency of mankind to make complicated what God has made simple.

The Pharisees in Jesus' time were perfect examples of this. These religious lawyers took God's Ten Commandments and expanded them into literally thousands of rules and regulations that burdened life and obscured the true image of God.

"How so?" you ask. The original Law painted a picture of the holiness of God. To truly know Him, you need only to study His Law. Later, Jesus came as the incarnate Word, giving us an even clearer sense of who God is and what He desires of us.

Yet, the Pharisees had so complicated the Law of God, they didn't even recognize Jesus when he came on the scene. In their heart of hearts, the Pharisees probably thought they were pleasing God. And they worked very hard at it, too. The problem was that in their zeal to please God in their own strength, they substituted their laws for His.

God's people seemingly have always had this problem--that is, losing sight of what God has made so very plain.

In Old Testament times, when the people would get off track, the prophets were there to spell out (once again) who God was and what He demanded of His people. Micah was one of those prophets, and his assignment was to speak to the people of Israel and Judah just prior to the Captivity of Israel.

With God's judgment about to fall, Micah took time to remind the people why they had been chosen and set apart for God.

Questions for you to consider: Are you one of God's chosen? Then what does God expect of you? Has life's complications (and your own efforts) obscured your picture of who God is?

Think about it and we'll continue this discussion mid-week.

Well Said/Live It!

Answer: "Not me! Not me!"
Question: What does Dad hear when he asks the question, "Who broke the lamp?"

That's all the proof you need that human nature is essentially evil. Children act irresponsibly. They break something. Accountability shows up at their door. They lie to avoid the consequences of their actions. You've done it. I've done it.

You would think that every human being, if pressed, would have to concede that human nature is self-seeking. Yet, it seems to be that the opposite is true. So many people in places of influence in this country believe just the opposite, and they act accordingly. This skewed world view has radically impacted the workings of our educational and judicial systems in particular.

Well, we can't fix the world. At least, I can't write out a prescription in this blog. But what can we do in our part of the world? Here are some thoughts:

• The first step is acknowledging the evil side of your own nature and to commit to work on yourself.

Actually, that's just one thought. But, if you can come even close to accomplishing this, imagine the changes that would occur in your life and in the lives of those around you.

How would it impact your thoughts? Would you check your thought life against a concrete standard of right and wrong? Would you adjust your thinking to include the needs of others, not just your own wants. Would you be as hard on yourself as on others?

How about your actions? Is it possible you might adjust your actions to align with that standard of right in ever-increasing fashion? How would you live out meeting the needs of others around you? Would you "remove the plank in your own eye" before pointing out the splinter in your neighbor's eye?

How about the impact on those around you? Would you become an example, even a leader, that inspires others to live by a higher standard of right? How many would benefit from your integrity, your sensitivity to their needs, and your guidance? Would your kids benefit from a solid understanding of right and wrong and take responsibility for their own actions as you do for yours?

It's amazing how big an impact might result from a single decision.

Well Said/Go Deep

My eyes were bigger than my tummy.
I've put more on my plate than I can possibly handle with this series of posts.

The topic is human nature--are we inherently good or evil? American author and keen observer of humankind Mark Twain seemed to fall squarely on the side of keeping a close eye on his fellow man. Not that mankind could never be trusted, but Twain seemed a firm believer that you should never turn your back for long.

I agree wholeheartedly. You only have to look to today's headlines for confirmation. Our country finds itself in a financial crisis. You can take all the expert commentary, all the technical economic explanations, and all the debate surrounding this situation and boil it down to a single catalyst--greed.

There were a lot of people looking out for number one, working whatever deals seemed expedient (and profitable) at the moment without thought about the ultimate outcomes on individuals or society. Their actions are being called "reckless irresponsibility" by some. Why not just call it what it is? Evil.

The essence of evil is acting entirely out of selfishness. I'm in the camp that believes every human being is born with a selfish nature. The biggest battles we have to fight are to overcome the evil that resides within. We have individual responsibility to live as moral a life as possible. When we don't...well, just look at today's headlines.

However, the accepted axiom in most circles today is that mankind is inherently good. Therefore, what evil exists in the world is the fault of circumstances that have turned good people into bad.

Extrapolate these two positions and you see a world of difference in not only how people view the world, but how they react to the occurrence of evil. There's no way I can possibly treat this topic thoroughly. But I can explore one aspect of a vast subject.

See you on Friday.

Well Said/Think About It

I enjoy a good turn of the phrase, especially if it comes from a consummate observer of human nature, like Mark Twain.

There were times Twain was dead on. Particularly when he addressed human behavior.

This is one of my favorite Twain quotes: "Always do right. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest."

That sentiment deserves to have it's own space. But here's my two cents. There's just not a down side to doing good. Yet, we see so many doing bad. Why?

For a man considered to be non-religious, Twain seemed to have a keen insight into how Christianity works. It showed in this saying: "Heaven goes by grace. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."

These two insights have something in common that runs counter to a common axiom in today's world. Can you see it?

Think about it.

Persevering/Live It!

Trusting God is easy in the good times.
It's during the hard times that we begin to wonder (and possibly wander).

"Is God there? Does He see what's going on in my life? Does He care?"

For James, persevering means more than just outlasting a trial. It involves maintaining your faith when everything around you is calling that faith into question. "Did God really say you would go through trials? Do you deserve this?" Can you hear the hissss?

So how do we remain faithful during times of hardship? Alistair Begg shared four principles we can remember that will help us to trust God during trials. Here's a quick summary of each.

Understand that when you are experiencing a trial:

• You are still within God's will. Scripture makes clear that God has a plan for the one's He loves and that plan is not voided by trials. In fact, God takes the trials and turns them into good things for those who put their faith in Him.
• You are still within God's keeping. Likewise, God's watch care over us does not stop during a trial. Even though Job suffered some hard stuff, God was there setting limits. In fact, Scripture promises God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we're able to stand. (I Cor. 10:13)
• You are still within God's training. Hardships can be part of God's equipping regimen to prepare you for an assignment He plans in your future. Consider how you might grow through perseverance. Then, consider how you might help others who are confronted with the same trial you're now experiencing.
• You are still within God's timing. We can't see the end of trials we face. But God can. Our job is to trust that God knows the length of the trial, that he knows how much we can take, that He knows when He has perfected you in this area, and that He will bring the time to a conclusion. Usually, in the nick of time.

By keeping these principles, we can endure the crunch of trials with our faith intact. You've got to admit, it's more constructive than "Run it out!"

Persevering/Go Deep

"Gut it out!"

Seems like coaches have just one answer when players find themselves experiencing a muscle cramp or a sprain. "Rub it...tape it...get up and run it out!"

James 1:12 is not that: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

James wasn't saying, "You will be blessed if you gut it out!" That's an incorrect interpretation that we men tend to make based on our life experiences. We think that--when hit by a trial--our job is to take it stoically and just survive.

God has much more in mind for "those who love him"--those who have a relationship with God through His son Jesus Christ. Notice the language used in this verse.

First of all, James calls a trial a "test." God doesn't create hardships for us; this fallen, sinful world does. But God uses the opportunity of trials to test us. Do you believe that God is sovereign? Do you believe that He is good and that he rewards those who love Him? The only way you and others know for sure is in how you respond to hardships.

Notice also that James says "persevere," not "gut it out." To persevere indicates a continuing movement forward in the face of hurdles that slow you down and have the potential of stopping you. In this case, James is saying that believers should maintain their faith in God (a positive attitude) and continue to progress and grow in their relationship with Him and to obey Christ's teachings in terms of how we treat others--all in spite of the trials we are facing.

Now those are attitudes and actions God can reward.

Easier said than done, you say? I hear you. That's what I liked about Alistair Begg's message the other morning. He quoted from a classic Christian thinker who outlined things we can focus our minds on that will help us trust God through trials.

Those we will look at on Friday.

Persevering/Think About It

I heard a great word this morning.

My typical start-up includes a cup of coffee, a shave and shower, and the radio tuned to a variety of Christian programs. It's been my habit for many years and, I have to admit, Christian radio is responsible for much of my spiritual growth.

This morning, Alistair Begg was sharing a message from his latest series, "Faith that Works" out of James (www.truthforlife.org). The message caught my attention because it was so applicable to my life, and I'm assuming to most others as well.

My wife fell down a flight of stairs about three years ago and severely broke her right leg. About 18 months after that, she received a knee replacement in the same leg because the damage of the original injury demanded it.

Immediately after that surgery, she began to show signs of complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS), a condition affecting the nervous system that began causing pain in her injured leg 24/7. For my wife, the best her leg ever feels (with a full dose of medication) is as if she has a really bad sun burn. Imagine your worst sunburn. That's the best it ever gets.

Doctors tell us there is no cure. The CRPS can go away in a year. It could last for 10 years, or longer.

My wife is the epitome of the person James was describing in chapter 1, verse 12: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

Persevering is not just surviving the trial. It's standing in a particular way as the trial bulldozes through your life.

Think about what that might look like in your own life, and we'll go deeper Wednesday.

Wading Through Muck/Live It!

No, I'm not talking about an episode of "Dirty Jobs."

Although, covering the job of a presidential campaign manager would probably make a pretty good series on this popular cable reality show about the dirtiest jobs. Oh, reality show. That could be an issue. I mean, how can you tell what's real in an election anymore?

So, what are we to do? Awhile back, I came to a personal conclusion about elections: I needed to stop being lazy. I needed to get better informed. And I needed to quit expecting to be entertained. I'll take them in reverse order:

• Stop seeking entertainment. Our brains can't possibly take in all the impressions that this media-rich world brings our way. So, we throw up shields to avoid the deluge. Therefore, the communications have to become more clever in order to "break through" the filters in our minds. They entertain us. We need to understand that just because something is entertaining doesn't make it right. Be discerning. And for goodness sake, be discriminating. Just because something is funny, doesn't mean it's good for you. Evaluate and eliminate.


• Getting better informed. I'm amazed at how many people make a political decision based solely on emotion. Feeling strongly about something (or someone) is fine. But feelings should be informed in order to be validated. Counting on the candidates alone is a poor strategy. Unfortunately, you can't count on the news media for unbiased information either. Learn to recognized carefully crafted talking points. They are designed to create impressions rather than inform. Search out non-partisan organizations that develop voter's guides in your area. They aren't very entertaining; but you'll get the clearest picture of each candidate's views on the same issues.


• Lazy won't get the job done. If all this sounds like work, it's because it is. I'm a bit of a news hound, so it's somewhat like a hobby for me. I start paying attention to elections six months or so in advance. By the time the election roles around, I've marked my voter guide with my choices for candidates and initiatives. All I have to do is transfer those choices to the ballot (and now that ballots can be mailed, voting is a whole lot easier).

Can you tell I take voting seriously? Look at it this way: Right at 50% of the adults in this country determine what direction we all take. Does the other half just not care. Are they not disciplined enough to participate. Or are they just too busy to get involved?

It's a free country. But, as you've seen on a bumper sticker, insuring freedom isn't free. Make sure you register to vote this November, study the candidates and issues, and vote your conscience. Ignore the cynicism of the day and make your founding fathers proud.

Wading Through Muck/Go Deep

I was a rookie in the advertising field when negative advertising hit the fast food scene big time.

Working for a local McDonald's co-op was a challenge in those days with up-and-coming Burger King and Wendy's as competition.

Imagine in the board rooms of corporate BK and Wendy's as the Executive VPs of Marketing made their cases for negative advertising: "McDonald's is number one...we have to erode their market share...we have to differentiate our product from theirs...let's go negative."

So rather than saying, "Our burgers are bigger," Wendy's came out with the humorous classic, "Where's the beef!" Instead of touting their burgers' great taste, Burger King blasted the air waves with "fried versus flame broiled." Both were accompanied with exaggerated parodies of the actual McDonald's product.

The negative, sarcastic approaches seemed to fit the cynicism of the day--the days following the end of the Vietnam War and Nixon in the White House. There was a certain segment of society that really liked the attitude. They were the same folks that enjoyed the sniping political humor delivered in the Doonesbury comic strip.

And later, the wise-cracking commentary on Saturday Night Live about Ford's clumsiness and Reagan's old age. And later still, the left-leaning, late night barbs of David Letterman. And even later, the biting, right-leaning volleys of Rush Limbaugh against the left in this country. I could go on.

Do you see the trend? No doubt a majority of our voting-age population has been exposed to years of negative argument that is low on accurate information and high on sarcasm. We've rewarded the approach with high ratings. We've validated it by supporting its sponsors with our buying power.

It's no wonder that we've seen a proliferation of the tactic in virtually every aspect of culture. This is a general statement, but I fear there is much truth in it: we've become lazy, ill-informed and we demand to be entertained. Which also means we can be fooled and easily spooked by half-truths and shallow accusations.

I'm on my soap box, I know. Just be glad you're not around when I talk back to the television set. So, where do we go from here? Let's wrap up the week with that conversation.

Wading Through Muck/Think About It

We're thick into the "hip-deep in sludge" season--election time, that is.

You would think most Americans would gladly exercise their hard-fought right to vote for the candidate of their choice in local, state and especially national elections. Yet, voter turnout in this country is lousy.

Statistics I just reviewed from the Federal Election Commission indicate that only 43.6% of the voter-age population actually pulled the lever in the 2006 elections. That statistic goes up in presidential election years, especially when the contests are high-interest. During the 2004 presidential race, 55.3% of eligible voters cast a ballot.

I still consider that pitiful. But is it any wonder people are fed up with the process of electing our national leaders. Instead of informing citizens of their credentials and exciting voters with their proposed solutions to major national problems, candidates barrage their opponents with negative advertising.

Apparently, it's a more effective strategy in today's world to scare people off your opponent than it is to win them over to yourself. What is the impact of all this negative political talk? In a word, cynicism.

Life is way too busy to spend time trying to wade through all the misinformation being disseminated by candidates and their surrogates. (Indeed, the primary qualification for being a campaign manager must be a poker face. Watching them spin the facts is like watching a late-night reprise of the Exorcist.)

Is it any wonder that close to half the voter-age population tune out and opt to, what, wash their car, organize their tool box, clean up after the dog? Something productive. (See, cynicism.)

I don't think I'm telling you anything you don't already know. So here's a question to ponder: How much of what the candidates peddle is our fault? Think about it, and we'll talk mid-week.

Releasing Burdens/Live It!

If only I could fully implement the wisdom I find in Scripture.
Life would be more like what God intended it to be.

I want to draw on three insightful words that urge releasing the failures of the past and the pressures of the present. Jesus is the author of one and the Apostle Paul the other two.

There's a practical application and a spiritual one with each statement. Together, they offer an elegant counter to this impulse we have to carry useless burdens in our life.

Jesus said: "...do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes." (Luke 12:22-23)

It's a universal. We all carry the burden of the day-to-day with us. Yet, practically, Jesus said that by worrying we can't add one single hour to our life. And since that is true, why worry about the rest. Simply put, worrying is not a productive (nor a healthy) exercise, yet it takes a major toll. Work for the things you need, but don't worry.

From a spiritual perspective, Jesus said flatly that worrying signalled a shallow faith. He pointed to the birds in the sky and the flowers of the fields as proof of God's faithful provision for His creation. So have faith that the God who provides so well for birds and flowers will do even more for you who are MORE valuable.

In terms of carrying today's hardships, Paul instructed: "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) The practical lesson is that we shouldn't go through life as a loner. Most burdens are too heavy for one person. By sharing the load, we spread out the weight and each of us carries a lighter burden.

The spiritual application is that by reaching out to someone in need and helping to carry their burden, you are fulfilling what Christ commanded--namely, love God and then love other people. When the people of God are at their best, they are together in unity, stronger because of the support they provide each other. And by doing so, they move closer to God in faith and practice.

In terms of carrying our failures from the past, Paul knew all too well what he was talking about when he said: "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 3:14)

Paul had some major failures to look back on. But he knew that Christ had taken care of his guilt. Also, he knew that looking back made it very difficult to move forward. As a practical matter, putting our failures under a constant microscope is another unproductive exercise. It gains us nothing, except heartache and a loss of confidence.

From a spiritual aspect, Paul saw life as a forward race in pursuit of living up to the gift of grace that Christ captured for us through His death on the cross. I say "pursuit" because there is no way on earth that we can live up to that standard. But, we should chase it, according to Paul. A Christian's life is about growth and maturity, achieved though facing life's challenges in a godly fashion.

So let go of the worry, share the burden, and quit carrying around those mistakes. Plus, be sure to lift with your legs.

Releasing Burdens/Go Deep

There is a burden that is too much for a man.

King David knew it all too well.
"My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear." (Ps. 38:4)

David withered under the load of guilt that he himself could not remove. His sin caused him physical pain, failing health, severe mental anguish, and agonizing isolation. There was only one answer to his need: "Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior." (Ps. 38:22)

Guilt is easy in the making, but impossible in the living. Guilt is like slow death, sapping energy, creativity, vitality, and zeal for life. Guilt is also what makes death so unbearable for the person who does not know God. Without relief, guilt will crush a person in life and condemn him for eternity in death.

So when Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Mt. 11:28)," he wasn't making some shallow political promise. Jesus was speaking to the central need of mankind. And, he wasn't just talking about it, he was doing the work necessary to remove completely and forever the burden of that guilt from all mankind.

I've been fortunate to live guilt-free for the majority of my life, having accepted Christ's gift of grace when just a teen. I say "guilt-free" with the full knowledge that I still mess up and have to ask for my Savior's forgiveness. But I never have to carry that guilt any longer than it takes me to let go of my pride and submit to His will.

What I do tend to carry far beyond the point I should are the failures of my past and the pressures of my present. Both can consume the best of what life has to offer, and they deserve to be jettisoned from your life. In fact, Christ and the first century Apostles gave clear guidance about how to handle both.

We'll clear the way to a burden-free weekend by covering both on Friday.

Releasing Burdens/Think About It

"That's all right. I have big shoulders," I would hear my father declare when he was being buffeted by storms on several fronts.

It wasn't that he needed to boost others' confidence in his abilities to handle the onslaught as much as it seemed he needed to verbalize his own determination to hang in there. It was an age of self-reliance when men--just by virtue of the fact that they were men--were expected to stand against whatever came their way.

A John Wayne philosophy of manhood, my Dad's mindset had both merit and flaw. On the merit side, it is so important that a man hang in there when the going gets tough. Often, I have heard of men who drop-out when a wife contracts a life-threatening, long-term disease. Too many times, I've seen men fold when the economy goes south and they see their career plans slip away with it.

My family benefited so much from my father's strength and faith in hard times. He always seemed calm in the face of troubles and always communicated a faith that things would work out. Yet, I know he secretly held doubts and worried a great deal about the negative outcomes that were possible.

He shared many of those doubts with my mother, but he held many of them within himself, and it took a toll.

My father died after a massive heart attack shortly before his sixtieth birthday. Some 45-plus years of smoking and eating fatty foods were major contributors to that attack, but doctors agreed that stress played a definite role in triggering the event.

So, contrary to the John Wayne playbook, there are burdens men should not carry--at least not alone. A word to consider this week from Jesus: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Mt. 11:28)

What burdens have you been buckling under lately? Think about it and we'll talk more mid-week.

The Future Son-in-Law Talk 3

Protecting your wife begins before you're married.

I think just about every man enters marriage understanding and accepting the role of protector. It's one of those responsibilities that a father transfers to the man who marries his daughter.

But, I proposed to my future son-in-law that the protection begins BEFORE the marriage.

Consider this. As a husband, wouldn't you defend your wife's honor if it were being challenged? Wouldn't you work to shield her from the seedy advances of some smarmy character? Wouldn't you keep her from even being exposed to some of the smut that exists in today's world? Would you strive to protect her reputation?

In other words, your desire as a husband would be to protect your wife's virtue as a woman and her integrity as a person. To my future son-in-law, I proposed that that kind of protection should begin right away, before marriage.

During courtship and engagement, a man should be just as concerned about his future wife's virtue, integrity and reputation as he will be when she is his wife. And, that protection should be expressed in the way he treats her with respect and purity.

It's a perspective that's vastly different from current world thinking. The woman doesn't belong to you just because she is engaged to you. Yes, it's hard for both of you to keep your hands off of each other during that time. (That's why I'm in favor of short engagements.) But, from God's perspective, the woman is not yours until the wedding night.

You have an incredibly important role to play as protector once married. But it's equally important that you start practicing that role before the marriage happens.

The Future Son-in-Law Talk 2

A man wanting to marry has several responsibilities.
One of those is to make certain the relationship is right, and time is key as you make that assessment.

Part of my advice to one of my future sons-in-law was, "give it time."

When marrying, you are entering into a "forever" relationship, which means you are committing to stay together through thick and thin, good times and bad. Unfortunately, that's an apt description of life in general. There's always some good. And there's very nearly always some bad. The degree of bad goes up and down as life moves forward. But at times, it can be really harsh.

It's during those times that a man and wife sustain each other--with love, respect, patience, empathy, encouragement and friendship. Yes, you have to like each other. Especially when you're not so likable, which usually happens during the bad times.

How do you know you can sustain your love through hard times when you've only known each other for a short time? Have you seen how the other person responds to hard circumstances? Have you seen their many moods?

(When we're dating, we have a way of putting our best foot forward. After all, why mess things up--until after the wedding?)

I'm a believer in long courtships, followed by short engagements. Remain in a courtship relationship long enough to see both the good and the bad in each other. This is when you find out if your interests and values, friends and relatives, and even your choice of pets are compatible. This is when you discover if you can weather the personal storms together.

Then, once you're sure you can and you've made the mutual decision to take the plunge, don't spend a long time looking over the ledge. Jump!

So, give it time. Make sure it's right.

The Future Son-in-Law Talk

I've had the privilege of delivering two future son-in-law talks.
Not the easiest thing I've ever done. But an essential when you're the father of a young lady who is smitten over a young man (and the feeling is mutual).

It's one of life's exquisite opportunities. You have before you a man who is taking a chance. He's asking the father of the woman he loves if he would consent to having his daughter taken from him.

You certainly have his attention at that moment. What an opening to make an impression. But also, what an opportunity to start off a long-term relationship on the right foot.

I thought I would tell you some of the things I shared during those moments. Perhaps you have a daughter and will one day need to--want to--deliver similar messages. Or perhaps you're a young man who hasn't yet had "the talk," and you're wondering what's to come. Perhaps these thoughts will just be good reminders of what it means to be a man who loves a woman.

These are heart thoughts, which is probably where I'll start. The things I shared with my future sons-in-law were based on my knowledge and love of my daughters, my experience as a man and husband, and my role as a father. They were--and are--heartfelt expressions.

There was a lot of conversation around each point. I'll primarily be sharing just the points...beginning Wednesday. See you then.

Olympic Fortunes/Live It!

Michael Phelps may have won eight golds, but apparently he still has to pass the personality test.

That's what agents who specialize with sports endorsements say. Although his medals make him a marketable commodity, just how marketable depends on how he strikes the public. In other words, will people like him?

So, how should Phelps conduct himself if he wants to capitalize on his new notoriety? There's no better example than the master sports endorser. Tiger Woods earned nearly $128 million last year -- $22.9 million on the course and approximately $105 million off it.

Here are some lessons I've observed from the number one sports endorser in America:

• Continue to improve your game. Maximize the skills that helped you make it to the top. Be who you were meant to be, only continually growing. Woods is a student of the swing. Every year, he sets new goals for improving his swing--even after a year in which he's won millions. He's done the unthinkable a number of times in the recent past. He's changed his swing, all for the sake of improving.


• Live the straight and narrow. After he was charged with sexual assault for an incident in 2003, it was estimated that Kobe Bryant could lose as much as $150 million in future endorsements. Just prior to that, research had shown Bryant to be the number three sports endorser in the country, behind only Woods and Michael Jordan. A horrendous act begins with a fleeting thought and a decision made in a moment. The costs last a lifetime.


• Concentrate on family. Family has to be a priority no matter what your profession. Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren Woods, was present with their daughter, Sam, when Tiger won the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines in San Diego. The celebration at the end included hugs and kisses with the wife and daughter. Woods stays centered by creating a home with his life mate and daughter.


• Make charity a major part of your game plan. Phelps, I know that you worked hard to win those medals, and you deserve the accolades. But, now that you're on top of the world, give a little back. The Tiger Woods Foundation was created to help children find and develop their skills. Through the organization, Woods does everything from providing an online learning center for kids to awarding scholarships. Nice touch! (see www.tigerwoodsfoundation.org)

Good life lessons for all of us. Gold medal winner or not, do these things and everyone will consider you a champion.

Olympic Fortunes/Go Deep

This past week, a 23-year-old single man and a 41-year-old mom had a lot in common.

They both finished in the top two in separate Olympic swimming events where the margin of victory was only one-hundredth of a second.

What a difference .01 makes.

Dara Torres (the mom) was in her fifth Olympics, quite a feat for any athlete. She had won ten career Olympic medals going into the 50 freestyle race. And, she zoomed into the finals with the fastest prelim time. But, alas, she was beaten by a sliver when her closest opponent touched wall first.

Michael Phelps, on the other hand, was the one who stole gold by coming from behind and beating the lead swimmer in the men's 100-meter butterfly. That turn of events earned Phelps one of eight gold medals during this Olympics, a never-before-attained mark.

Just a .01-second margin launches such a huge series of outcomes. To begin with, have you noticed how quickly the silvers are forgotten? How sad is that? We in American culture treat silver medals as rather ho-hum. Yet, how minuscule is the number of people who can say, "I'm the second fastest IN THE WORLD"?

Opposite that lack of credibility for silver is the marketability of gold. In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, one of Phelps' agents said that Michael's eight gold medals won in prime time in Beijing will be worth $100 million over a lifetime. (See www.nbcolympics.com.)

Imagine, then, how things had to come together for Phelps in just the right way for him to win eight golds. Without that .01-second victory, Phelps would have had seven golds and one silver. So what would that have been worth?

Boy, these Olympic athletes really have to have their heads on straight. First, to compete under such extreme pressure. But then, once they have won, to handle all the glitter and trappings that come with that victory.

How will Phelps handle it? How should he handle it? More thoughts on Friday.

Olympic Fortunes/Think About It

Two athletes. Two races. Two stellar efforts.
Two totally different outcomes.

The Olympics always spawn remarkable stories of sacrifice, discipline, and superlative effort. Sometimes, though, the outcome of all that investment and performance is not victory. And the margin between celebration and remorse can be excruciatingly close.

The ultimate example of this competitive fact of life came in the 2008 Olympics. It involved two different American swimmers--Michael Phelps in the men's 100-meter butterfly and Dara Torres in the women's 50-meter freestyle.

Both had put incredible efforts into preparation. Both were competing at a heightened level of spirit and energy. Both gave amazing performances. But the outcomes of their races were like mirror images.

Phelps was close behind the leader for most of the 100 butterfly final. But at the very end of the race, his final stroke ended perfectly so that, as he finished it, his fingers jammed into the wall. His rival's final stroke, though, finished inches from the wall so that he coasted into the finish. That minute difference gave Phelps a gold victory by one-hundredth of a second--the slimmest possible margin.

It was pure ecstasy for Phelps, who needed that victory to make his phenomenal goal of winning eight gold medals in a single Olympics come true. Watching from the sidelines was Torres, who wondered what the second-place finisher must have felt after losing by such a small margin.

Later in the day, Torres led all the way in the women's 50 freestyle final. Until the very end of the race, that is. Her closest opponent touched the wall just one-hundredth of a second before Torres, stealing the gold.

"Unbelievable." That's how both Phelps and Torres must have felt at first. But the reality of the results--one gold and the other silver--followed quickly.

By one-hundredth of a second, one competitor ends up in the highlights of promotional Olympic spots; the other gets a consolation "how did it make you feel" interview.

Hmmmm. The turns life takes on such small margins. Think about it.

One Someone Happy/Live It!

"Fame, if you win it, comes and goes in a minute."
Where does fame come from, anyway?

Building your life's pursuit around gaining fame is like drawing a masterpiece with your finger on a fogged-up mirror. Even if you manage to "win it," it is so fleeting.

Fame is based on people's knowledge and impression of you and is dependent on their desire to be exposed to more of you. It's a very shallow relationship with a distant audience, built on minute bits of controlled exposure. It's a vapor that's gone as soon as your fan base gets tired of you.

Not very real. And Jimmy Durante asks a good question in his song, "Make Someone Happy": "Where's the real stuff in life to cling to?"

Again, I have to think Durante knew what he was talking about. How many of his fellow entertainers do you suppose failed in show business? How many hopes did Jimmy see dashed? He knew there had to be something more substantial to build life around than fame.

His answer? Love. Not a whole lot of explanation with that. Simply, find "Someone to love..." It apparently rang true for Jimmy. Does that ring true for you? You have to put effort into it. The singer described the process as building "your world around her."

As with anything good or important, love takes work and time. Rather than the ecstatic or syrupy emotion of fairy tales, true love is a commitment to make someone (other than yourself) happy. It's a decision that you make once that is reaffirmed on a daily basis. And it's a promise that you purpose to keep, regardless of fleeting feelings or life circumstances.

Hard to do? Yes. Do I recommend it? Heartily.

One Someone Happy/Go Deep

So, does being an American singer, pianist, comedian and actor qualify you to give advice?

No, but it doesn't disqualify you either. Especially when you appear to live the advice you give.

When James Francis “Jimmy” Durante sang the song, "Make Someone Happy," I wonder if he was thinking about his own life?

The first verse of the song encourages men to focus their attentions on just one woman. It speaks of a mutually exclusive and reciprocal relationship. The man chooses to "sing to" only her heart--to pursue and win only one woman. That's a far cry from the multiple lovers, casual sex culture of today.

And yet, I'm betting that serious surveys on the topic would reveal (and possibly already have) that a majority of women desire an individual man who will dedicate himself to them alone.

Jimmy's tune continues with advice about how the man should observe and respond to the woman as he pursues her. He should dedicate himself to giving the woman something to smile about, a reason for her face to light up when he walks in the room. The payback to him is happiness.

Guys, I've been married nearly 35 years and I've got to tell you, one of my greatest pleasures is in seeing my wife smile and feeling her pleasure when I walk through the door. It truly does make me happy to see my wife happy.

Jimmy came from a different era. I happen to believe he only sang about things he believed in. A quick review of his personal history indicates that he took his own advice when it came to relationships. Jimmy was married to his first wife for more than 20 years before she passed away. It was many years before he married again. But when he did, he remained married to his second wife, Marjorie Little, until his own death.

He was a one-woman man. And, being a piano-playing singer, I'm betting he spent a lot of time wooing his woman as only he could.

More on this later in the week.

One Someone Happy/Think About It

Continuing my series on great theological thinkers:
Let's consider Jimmy Durante.

You know, "The Schnoz," singer, dancer and comedian that was one of America's most popular entertainers for many years, starting in the 1920's.

Okay, if that doesn't help, maybe this will. Remember when your wife (or girlfriend) rented the Tom Hanks movie, "Sleepless in Seattle"? Can't forget that! (If you managed to stay awake, right?). Well, the soundtrack from that movie may be even more popular than the movie. And the soundtrack included two Jimmy Durante recordings.

One of Jimmy's songs was stuck in my head this Saturday as I worked around the house doing chores that my wife can't easily do because of a medical condition. The title is "Make Someone Happy" and the lyrics are below.

Read through them and give them some thought. Believe it or not, Jimmy delivers a powerful message for good living. We'll talk about what he said mid-week.

Make Someone Happy

Make someone happy,
Make just one someone happy;
Make just one heart the heart you sing to.
One smile that cheers you,
One face that lights when it nears you,
One girl you're ev'rything to.

Fame, if you win it,
Comes and goes in a minute.
Where's the real stuff in life to cling to?
Love is the answer,
Someone to love is the answer.
Once you've found her, build your world around her.

Make someone happy,
Make just one someone happy,
And you will be happy, too.

Will I Ever Make It?/Live It!

To perfection, that is.
Will I ever make it to perfection?

As difficult as the process is here on earth, I wonder how it's possible ever to reach that improbable conclusion in my life. But of course, I won't reach it during my lifetime. God has promised it in eternity, once I've shed this fallen human self that now carries me around.

And yet, God still works on me today, cutting away the bad parts and propping up the good, moving me towards His inevitable goal for my being. But I resist, not really wanting to go there. It is too hard, too much against the grain of who I am at the core of my sinful self. Am I missing something here?

As I reviewed Wednesday, C. S. Lewis said it takes adversity to move us from where we are to where God wants us to be. We have to be forced. And even then, we fail to see adversity as a good thing, as God's tool to improve us. We need to understand and work with life's troubles.

In addition, there is one more thing we lack, according to Lewis in his book Mere Christianity: a vision. Lewis said, "It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us."

If only, says Lewis. If only we could somehow get a glimpse of what we would be as a perfected being, then we would have the motivation to move with God as He seeks to improve us.

With this inborn sinful nature, though, how can we ever perceive what perfection looks like? How can we possibly know--even at the most rudimentary level--what God intends for us by perfection?

Thank God for Christ! Not only is the example, the picture, of perfection found in Christ, but the means to achieve it as well. The author of Hebrews 12:1-3 sums up the process. Like an athlete in training for the big event, we have to work on throwing off all the bad things that hold us back from perfection. Our eyes should be trained on Jesus. He is both the prize and the template.

Look at how Christ lived his life. That's the perfection we seek. Then observe the suffering Christ endured so that we might be able to obtain the very same perfection. Christ is both our goal and our motivation.

So, the next time adversity comes knockin', open the door and say, "Welcome, in Jesus' name!"

Will I Ever Make It?/Go Deep

Ouch! Aaaaah!
How is it that C. S. Lewis can deliver a blunt lesson and still put such a fine point on it?

Lewis has just proposed that God's intention for Christians is to move them as close to perfection as He can before death overtakes them. But how will God do that? Lewis explains further:

"That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time. . . When troubles come along--illnesses, money troubles, new kinds of temptation--he (a man who has turned to Christ) is disappointed. These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now?

"Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us."

Like I said, ouch!

As Christian men, we are surprised when trouble comes our way. Why? Two reasons.

First of all, we don't see troubles as a catalyst for improvement in our lives. Our first response when trouble shows up is always, "Darn, why me?" If we take to heart what Lewis is trying to tell us, our first response should be, "Okay God, what are you working on now?"

Second, we simply don't feel the need to grow. Left to ourselves, chances are slim we would ever move up to the next higher level. We just don't dream of improving those aspects of our being. (Who wakes up in the morning and says, "I want to be more patient today"?)

So God forces us into growth--probably in the very areas we are most adverse to improving--by giving us a healthy dose of adversity where we need it.

But even if we recognize that God is seeking improvement in our lives, Lewis sees an even deeper reason why men don't respond well to God's promptings. Do you see it?

Let's talk about it on Friday. I'm still working on reasons one and two.