An Uncommon Comeback/Live It!

In today's time-crunched world, I don't see too many people engaging others.
As opposed to just talking to them.

How can you tell the difference?

The first and most obvious ingredient is time. We have a new granddaughter. I was around her for just short snippets of time when she was very young. But when she started walking (and eventually running), her mother left her with us for some extended time. That's when I was really able to engage her.

Books, stuffed animals, frog puppets that croak out "Old McDonald had a farm," my cell phone--whatever interests her, that's what I use to engage her in an exchange. (Can you really call it a conversation when they're only 16 months?) Anyway, it takes time to find out what interests another person.

In the case of my granddaughter, it was when I got down on the floor and met her eye-to-eye that we really connected. I found out that she liked to bounce, and we have a Snoogle--a really long pillow that curls--that's great for bouncing.

When I wrapped her in that pillow and she found out she could bounce on it, she came alive. Curls were jumping up and down, eyes were wide open, squeals erupted like I have never heard before. It was after that time together that she remembered my name (and recognized our neighborhood). Major connection.

Lesson number two: meet people where they are. When you find what interests them, then you can gain their attention. Then you can engage them.

Undivided attention also helps. Reading Newt Gingrich's book, Real Change, he talks about engaging and listening to people as essentials to good leadership. Ask questions and then listen. Bring back ideas, present them, ask for input and then listen. If people recognize that you are interested in them, Newt says, then they are liable to ask you to lead.

I'm sure there are more; but let me end with this one. Think creatively. When it's unexpected, it's noticed. If you want to make an impression, be impressive.

An Uncommon Comeback/Go Deep

Engaging people takes time.
No way around it.

My former boss could have given me a simple answer when I dissed his wheels: "My Jeep may only get 5 m.p.g., but I'd rather be able to drive over huge rocks with a gas hog than get great gas mileage with a compact that high centers on road kill."

(Ouch! I think I just hurt my own feelings.)

But, instead, he decided to engage me with an object lesson. The snappy comeback wouldn't have taught me anything, other than to keep my mouth shut. The uncommon comeback taught me that people make choices on their preferences, which may not be my preferences. And that I should think twice before assuming that my preferences are superior to others.

Plus, the lesson was delivered in a way that captured my attention, stirred my imagination, and made the memory of it permanent. All that and we were still friends when it was over. Now that's a special talent.

How do you prepare to engage people rather than just talk at them? First and foremost, you have to consider people to be valuable enough to spend time and energy on them. A flip answer takes no time and it shows no value in the relationship.

Determine that people are worth it. If you get that done, then you can work on the rest.

An Uncommon Comeback/Think About It

There's talking with people, and there's engaging people.
I'm not good at the latter, but I really enjoy being around people who do it well.

Let me give you an example.

Be careful when you engage a Jeep owner in a conversation about gas mileage. I made that mistake on the way to lunch with my boss (of all people). For some reason, I chose that moment to brag about the mileage my new Civic Honda delivered, and then I asked him what kind of mileage a Jeep gets.

He smiled, pulled out of his parking spot and proceeded to the end of the lot, which butted up against a steep incline into a vacant lot. He proceeded to put the Jeep in 4-wheel drive, jumped the curb, and took us all on a steep, bumpy, rip-roaring ride over rocks, holes, and debris.

When we arrived on the other side of the vacant lot, he looked at me with a wry grin and said, "Try and do that with a Civic!" Point made.

I sure am glad he was good-natured. But what I appreciated even more was the creative way he engaged me. It was bold, it was unique and unexpected. It was break-thru. (I'll never forget it!)

The conversation was more than a conversation. It was a lesson. Think about it.