Looking Back/Live It!

Not too long ago, I didn't get a job I was interviewing for.

I had two choices at that point. I could live in the negative or move towards the positive of the situation. Here's what I mean:

• The negative--I could be mad at the people who didn't choose me. I could be disgusted at myself for what I did say that I shouldn't have or what I didn't say when I had the chance. I could sorrow over the loss of the opportunity. I could linger in the pain of the moment, extending it into a trend rather than allowing it to be what it was--just one moment out of the span of my entire life.
• The positive--Learn from the experience. If there were things I should have said, but didn't, I'll make sure that they are part of my next pitch. If I blew it through my resume, application, or any interview questions, I'll change them for the better next time. I'll find the positive in the moment and focus on that as I search for the next step in moving toward my dream.

In my case, I chose to remember that I had made it to the second and third interview. Apparently, I was in the final three to be considered. Those facts gave me the confidence that I did have the credentials needed for the line of work I was pursuing. The fact that I didn't get this particular job just showed that it was a better fit for someone else than for me. I kept looking for that better fit for me.

I've seen a failure--perceived or real--stop people in their tracks. Life stops for them. They refuse to move forward, instead choosing to look back on a negative event in their life. Their days are spent with "what could have been," "why me" or "why not me" thoughts.

A healthy look back includes looking forward:

• Imagine progress--Where can you pick up and go from here? What can you learn from the flop that will help you in your next move? Are your goals still valid? Are they attainable? If not, what needs to change? Analyze and move forward in a way that makes sense.
• Accept risk--Part of any progress is the inherent risk. Because you are moving forward into uncharted waters, you don't know for sure what will happen. It can be bad as easily as it can be good. Accept that some rain will fall on your parade. That's no reason to call it quits.
• Do the necessary work--Determine what needs to happen and do it. Is it more education? Is it a change in direction? Is it adjusting goals to something more reasonable? Is it finding a new route? If you're goal is worth achieving, it's worth working for.

To summarize, looking back can be a good thing--after all, there is a reason cars have rear view mirrors. But be sure to reminisce in a healthy way, with a positive look forward. There may be "no time like the present," but the present is made better with some forethought.

Looking Back/Go Deep

Life is linear, according to Captain Benjamin Sisko of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Now I'm not a "Trekkie," but I've always enjoyed a good Star Trek episode, especially if it followed an intriguing theme. The one I'm thinking of today is one where the star of Deep Space Nine explored the dynamics of living a linear life with a group of seemingly omniscient beings who saw all of time--the past and future--all at once.

Captain Sisko was trying to educate these beings about what life was like not knowing for sure what would come next. As he explained it, life is like baseball. Everyone gets a chance at bat. The pitcher throws the ball. The batter may or may not swing. If he swings, he may miss the ball or hit it. Where it goes remains to be seen. Based on what happens, everyone responds and the game progresses to a final conclusion.

And that, he said, makes life exciting and challenging.

Now imagine a batter who hits the ball, but rather than running the bases, he stops and looks up at the rerun of his hit on the big screen. Over and over again, he reviews the hit without moving. Of course he'd be tagged out. The technicians would eventually stop playing the rerun of the hit and instead would be showing him motionless on the field. The umps would finally have him escorted off the field, ejected for...whatever. Failing to play the game?

I've seen people do that. Essentially, they become disqualified from playing the game of life. And it's their own doing, not something that anyone has done to them.

There are two scenarios I've witnessed that seem to lead to this paralysis.

One is when a person has achieved something remarkable very quickly. Maybe it is success in a profession much earlier than any expected. Maybe it is hitting a milestone that is typically perceived as a crowning achievement in a particular field--but doing it at a very young age. Then the question becomes, "Where do I go from here?"

We see this with major sports stars who win the championship rings, break all the records, and enjoy unbridled adulation from their fans. Then, they retire in their mid- to late-thirties. What does life hold for them after that? Unfortunately, we see too many of them spending the rest of their lives looking back to what was rather than moving forward to what can be.

Not you? Well, it could be, even if it is in a micro sense. Have you ever had a tug on the shoulder and something whisper in your ear, "Things used to be better. Remember when..." For the time you contemplate that thought, you're paralyzed. You're the baseball player between first and second, looking up at the instant replay.

Thoughts of now disappear as you indulge in what used to be. And have you noticed how "used to be" really looks much better in hindsight than it probably was in real time?

I'm not saying, "Don't go there!" I'm just saying recognize it for what it is. Can you learn something from that experience that will help you move forward with life today? How can the platform of that success help boost you to the next level today?

Realize that life is linear. Just because you aren't playing it, doesn't mean that life sits there patiently waiting on you. Time rolls on.

Another way to handle success is to see it through a different lens. Success isn't just in the achievement or in the recognition. It's in doing something well. Success can be a by-product, but it doesn't necessarily come with the effort. Be content in the "accomplishment" of mastering best practices in a given situation.

What's the other cause of living-linear paralysis? Let's discuss that on Friday.

Looking Back/Think About It

When moving forward, it's not advisable to spend a lot of time looking backwards.

Imagine driving a car. A rear view mirror can be a very helpful tool. You look back to see where you've been. You look to see if the way is clear for a move into the next lane. You look back to identify who's honking.

But all of these are glances. There's no way you can drive forward in a safe manner by looking exclusively in the rear view mirror. (Unless your goal is to be part of tomorrow's accident report column in the daily newspaper.)

It's true of living life as well.

I interviewed a general contractor once, asking him what structure he was most proud of having been a part of building. He knew immediately. It was a rather plain office building; however, it's location made it a prominent edifice, easily seen from a major highway. It was a simple structure with clean, crisp lines. Driving down the highway, it looked as if you would drive right into it. But shortly before you reached the building, the highway took a curve to the right so that you slipped past it.

It wasn't the tallest or the most complex or even the most expensive construction project he had overseen. But, it was a good memory. Every time he drove past it, there was a certain sense of satisfaction.

To me, this is a good example of looking back. It's healthy to review a past experience that represents accomplishment or growth. It builds self-esteem and confidence as you move forward to other projects--hopefully, bigger and better than the ones before.

But there is an unhealthy way of looking back on life. A way that causes you to miss what's ahead of you. A way that causes you to stumble, because you fail to clearly see the obstacles that obscure your path. And a way that keeps you from recognizing the opportunities that present themselves in the moment.

We all have a tendency to look back. The question is, when does it become a hindrance to your moving forward? Think about it, and we'll talk more on Wednesday.