The Future Son-in-Law Talk 3

Protecting your wife begins before you're married.

I think just about every man enters marriage understanding and accepting the role of protector. It's one of those responsibilities that a father transfers to the man who marries his daughter.

But, I proposed to my future son-in-law that the protection begins BEFORE the marriage.

Consider this. As a husband, wouldn't you defend your wife's honor if it were being challenged? Wouldn't you work to shield her from the seedy advances of some smarmy character? Wouldn't you keep her from even being exposed to some of the smut that exists in today's world? Would you strive to protect her reputation?

In other words, your desire as a husband would be to protect your wife's virtue as a woman and her integrity as a person. To my future son-in-law, I proposed that that kind of protection should begin right away, before marriage.

During courtship and engagement, a man should be just as concerned about his future wife's virtue, integrity and reputation as he will be when she is his wife. And, that protection should be expressed in the way he treats her with respect and purity.

It's a perspective that's vastly different from current world thinking. The woman doesn't belong to you just because she is engaged to you. Yes, it's hard for both of you to keep your hands off of each other during that time. (That's why I'm in favor of short engagements.) But, from God's perspective, the woman is not yours until the wedding night.

You have an incredibly important role to play as protector once married. But it's equally important that you start practicing that role before the marriage happens.

The Future Son-in-Law Talk 2

A man wanting to marry has several responsibilities.
One of those is to make certain the relationship is right, and time is key as you make that assessment.

Part of my advice to one of my future sons-in-law was, "give it time."

When marrying, you are entering into a "forever" relationship, which means you are committing to stay together through thick and thin, good times and bad. Unfortunately, that's an apt description of life in general. There's always some good. And there's very nearly always some bad. The degree of bad goes up and down as life moves forward. But at times, it can be really harsh.

It's during those times that a man and wife sustain each other--with love, respect, patience, empathy, encouragement and friendship. Yes, you have to like each other. Especially when you're not so likable, which usually happens during the bad times.

How do you know you can sustain your love through hard times when you've only known each other for a short time? Have you seen how the other person responds to hard circumstances? Have you seen their many moods?

(When we're dating, we have a way of putting our best foot forward. After all, why mess things up--until after the wedding?)

I'm a believer in long courtships, followed by short engagements. Remain in a courtship relationship long enough to see both the good and the bad in each other. This is when you find out if your interests and values, friends and relatives, and even your choice of pets are compatible. This is when you discover if you can weather the personal storms together.

Then, once you're sure you can and you've made the mutual decision to take the plunge, don't spend a long time looking over the ledge. Jump!

So, give it time. Make sure it's right.

The Future Son-in-Law Talk

I've had the privilege of delivering two future son-in-law talks.
Not the easiest thing I've ever done. But an essential when you're the father of a young lady who is smitten over a young man (and the feeling is mutual).

It's one of life's exquisite opportunities. You have before you a man who is taking a chance. He's asking the father of the woman he loves if he would consent to having his daughter taken from him.

You certainly have his attention at that moment. What an opening to make an impression. But also, what an opportunity to start off a long-term relationship on the right foot.

I thought I would tell you some of the things I shared during those moments. Perhaps you have a daughter and will one day need to--want to--deliver similar messages. Or perhaps you're a young man who hasn't yet had "the talk," and you're wondering what's to come. Perhaps these thoughts will just be good reminders of what it means to be a man who loves a woman.

These are heart thoughts, which is probably where I'll start. The things I shared with my future sons-in-law were based on my knowledge and love of my daughters, my experience as a man and husband, and my role as a father. They were--and are--heartfelt expressions.

There was a lot of conversation around each point. I'll primarily be sharing just the points...beginning Wednesday. See you then.