Gift giving is a primary language of kindness.
It requires a generous nature, which isn't natural to natural man.
It's an important skill to develop in this life, though. It will serve you well.
Solomon recommended gift giving as a tool for opening doors to new relationships. Look at Proverbs 18:16--"A gift opens the way for the giver and ushers him into the presence of the great."
If you're not quite sure how to break the ice with the young lady you'd like to know better, if you want to make a good first impression with the future mother-in-law, or if you're trying to get an appointment with that big prospective customer, try a gift. But not just any gift. Make sure it's appropriate.
I have a daughter whose main love language is gift giving. She doesn't have much money; yet, she gives great gifts. They are always appreciated, because they are always a fit for the receiver. She observes. She asks. She listens. And then she responds with just the right token of affection. In other words, she's considerate.
That's a model for gift giving. The message you deliver with this type of gift is, "You are a valuable person in my eyes." That makes an impression, and it invariably creates an openness in the recipient that may not have been there prior to the gift.
Solomon also saw gift giving as a means for patching up broken relationships. In 21:14, he says, "A gift given in secret soothes anger, and a bribe concealed in the cloak pacifies great wrath." Why does it work when "given in secret"? Well, if you did it publicly, wouldn't it create pressure for a positive response, which could lead to exactly the opposite reaction? Saving face is important in the West as well as in the East.
(By the way, I don't believe Solomon is promoting the use of bribes. He's just acknowledging the power a bribe can wield. )
The author of Proverbs even recommended giving to those who can't or won't reciprocate--the poor and your enemies. In both cases, the reason to give is because it pleases God. If anyone will reward you for this behavior, it will be God. See Proverbs 22:9 and 25:21-22. (Remember, kindness is at the core of God's heart.)
In terms of interpersonal skills, gift giving is one of the most valuable techniques you can develop. An appropriate gift at the right time can open doors, mend fences, and even honor God. If you're wise, you'll develop your generosity.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
A Cold Drink of Water/Go Deep
Proverbs is not just a book of advice.
It is also a revealer of the character of God.
In chapter 8, verses 22-23 of Proverbs, we find that wisdom has been with God--in fact, a part of God--from eternity. So as Solomon unfolds his description of wisdom, he is actually describing the very heart of God. The underlying message is, "to act with wisdom is to act according to God's character."
It's heartening then, isn't it, to see that kindness is a core characteristic of God?
A primary message delivered by the sayings on kindness is that God cares about the needy and that the wise person will show the same caring through his actions. The key verse conveying that theme is 14:31--"He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God."
That's an incredible message with deep meaning for how we conduct our lives. First of all, God is the Maker of all people, including the poor. Second, He cares about them and their welfare. The poor have worth because they are created by God. Finally, if you have the power to impact the life of someone in need, you honor God by using it to enrich his life.
That can mean supporting the poor by giving to charities. It can involve serving meals in a soup kitchen. It can mean providing counseling to a needy family to help them chart a path to solvency.
An interesting take on this is in verse 19:17--"He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done." God accepts our help given to the poor as if it were a gift given directly to Him. And a reward is promised in return.
The sayings on kindness in Proverbs are echoed in the books of the New Testament. In fact, Jesus, in talking about the final judgment, says that "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40)
So, be wise. Re-evaluate your perspective on the poor. Do you consider them brothers, creatures of God, people of worth? And then reconsider what your actions toward the needy should be in light of this knowledge.
It is also a revealer of the character of God.
In chapter 8, verses 22-23 of Proverbs, we find that wisdom has been with God--in fact, a part of God--from eternity. So as Solomon unfolds his description of wisdom, he is actually describing the very heart of God. The underlying message is, "to act with wisdom is to act according to God's character."
It's heartening then, isn't it, to see that kindness is a core characteristic of God?
A primary message delivered by the sayings on kindness is that God cares about the needy and that the wise person will show the same caring through his actions. The key verse conveying that theme is 14:31--"He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God."
That's an incredible message with deep meaning for how we conduct our lives. First of all, God is the Maker of all people, including the poor. Second, He cares about them and their welfare. The poor have worth because they are created by God. Finally, if you have the power to impact the life of someone in need, you honor God by using it to enrich his life.
That can mean supporting the poor by giving to charities. It can involve serving meals in a soup kitchen. It can mean providing counseling to a needy family to help them chart a path to solvency.
An interesting take on this is in verse 19:17--"He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done." God accepts our help given to the poor as if it were a gift given directly to Him. And a reward is promised in return.
The sayings on kindness in Proverbs are echoed in the books of the New Testament. In fact, Jesus, in talking about the final judgment, says that "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40)
So, be wise. Re-evaluate your perspective on the poor. Do you consider them brothers, creatures of God, people of worth? And then reconsider what your actions toward the needy should be in light of this knowledge.
Monday, April 7, 2008
A Cold Drink of Water/Think About It
Kindness has been called a cold drink of water in a parched, dry land.
You know it if you've ever received a kindness.
Totally unexpected. Probably undeserved. Perhaps in a dark moment. Someone extends a kindness that turns the moment around, makes your day or even saves your life.
I remember my electrician father sharing a moment that he had with a co-worker who had collapsed on the job. Trained in CPR, my father attended him--mouth-to-mouth and all--until the emergency workers arrived and took over. My father's actions saved the man's life.
When his co-worker returned to the job, there was an awkward moment when he met my father for the first time since that fateful day. He was filled with gratitude, I'm sure, but didn't know quite how to express it. My father, sensing his discomfort, told him, "You know, Joe, I've kissed a lot of ugly girls in my life, but nothing quite like . . . "
You can imagine the laughing, and relief, that was shared by those two men and all their co-workers in the shop. Saving the man's life was an act of kindness given in a time of need. It didn't require thanks. Nor would any thanks have been adequate.
But kindness comes in all forms. And the opportunities to extend kindness are boundless, because this is a dry and thirsty world.
Do manly men extend kindnesses in their walk on this world? Only the wise ones, according to Solomon. Whether delivered in word or deed, a kindness is always appropriate, always appreciated, and always benefits the giver as much as the receiver.
Two questions to think about before we go deeper. Can you remember a kindness you received when you really needed it? Can you remember the last time you extended a kindness?
You know it if you've ever received a kindness.
Totally unexpected. Probably undeserved. Perhaps in a dark moment. Someone extends a kindness that turns the moment around, makes your day or even saves your life.
I remember my electrician father sharing a moment that he had with a co-worker who had collapsed on the job. Trained in CPR, my father attended him--mouth-to-mouth and all--until the emergency workers arrived and took over. My father's actions saved the man's life.
When his co-worker returned to the job, there was an awkward moment when he met my father for the first time since that fateful day. He was filled with gratitude, I'm sure, but didn't know quite how to express it. My father, sensing his discomfort, told him, "You know, Joe, I've kissed a lot of ugly girls in my life, but nothing quite like . . . "
You can imagine the laughing, and relief, that was shared by those two men and all their co-workers in the shop. Saving the man's life was an act of kindness given in a time of need. It didn't require thanks. Nor would any thanks have been adequate.
But kindness comes in all forms. And the opportunities to extend kindness are boundless, because this is a dry and thirsty world.
Do manly men extend kindnesses in their walk on this world? Only the wise ones, according to Solomon. Whether delivered in word or deed, a kindness is always appropriate, always appreciated, and always benefits the giver as much as the receiver.
Two questions to think about before we go deeper. Can you remember a kindness you received when you really needed it? Can you remember the last time you extended a kindness?
Thursday, April 3, 2008
When Plans Go South/Live It!
"To man belong the plans of the heart..."
The NIV Life Application Study Bible has an excellent insight on this verse (Pr. 16:1). That is that planning gives man an opportunity to act God's way.
Consider that for a moment. If God gives man the ability to make plans, but He reserves the right to determine outcomes, wouldn't it make sense that your plans should conform to God's way if you want them to succeed?
It's less about the planning and more about the attitude. Why do you plan? To make yourself successful or to give God glory by your actions? A great question for self-examination.
So, what does planning God's way look like? Let me give you a true-to-life illustration.
A man that I greatly admire for the way he applies Scripture to practical living determined that he and his family could have more resources available to support Christian endeavors if they cut expenses. After discussing his conviction and some possibilities with his wife, together they planned to sell their large, very nice house and to move to less expensive accommodations.
They made their plan and followed through. I don't know the specifics of how they invested the additional resources that resulted, but I'm sure many Christian efforts over the years have benefited by their plan.
What was interesting was to see his business continue to succeed and expand during that same time. (The plans for his business always reflected Christian values as well.) They've never looked back.
So the key to successful planning is to consider carefully what you're trying to accomplish, how you are going about accomplishing it, and for what reasons, making sure it all honors God.
The NIV Life Application Study Bible has an excellent insight on this verse (Pr. 16:1). That is that planning gives man an opportunity to act God's way.
Consider that for a moment. If God gives man the ability to make plans, but He reserves the right to determine outcomes, wouldn't it make sense that your plans should conform to God's way if you want them to succeed?
It's less about the planning and more about the attitude. Why do you plan? To make yourself successful or to give God glory by your actions? A great question for self-examination.
So, what does planning God's way look like? Let me give you a true-to-life illustration.
A man that I greatly admire for the way he applies Scripture to practical living determined that he and his family could have more resources available to support Christian endeavors if they cut expenses. After discussing his conviction and some possibilities with his wife, together they planned to sell their large, very nice house and to move to less expensive accommodations.
They made their plan and followed through. I don't know the specifics of how they invested the additional resources that resulted, but I'm sure many Christian efforts over the years have benefited by their plan.
What was interesting was to see his business continue to succeed and expand during that same time. (The plans for his business always reflected Christian values as well.) They've never looked back.
So the key to successful planning is to consider carefully what you're trying to accomplish, how you are going about accomplishing it, and for what reasons, making sure it all honors God.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
When Plans Go South/Go Deep
"Not to plan is to plan to fail."
Solomon could have said that, because he did believe in planning. It just doesn't seem that way to the casual reader.
The sayings of Solomon are often simple, but they are not one-dimensional. You'll miss the deep stuff if you don't linger awhile. Also, you'll miss the texture if you don't compare the sayings to get the full context.
Here's what I see Solomon saying about planning: Planning is a beneficial thing for the wise to do. But, even in the midst of planning, the righteous person maintains a perspective that God is in control and that He may take circumstances a different direction than they were intended.
If you are a wise person, you should be okay with that. Many of Solomon's other sayings indicate his faith that God works in favor of the righteous. Exercising wisdom, a person can trust God even when the best laid plans don't work out.
Solomon also makes clear that your plans need to fit God. In other words, if your plans violate the tenets of God, don't expect them to succeed. He won't bless them.
Here's my back-up:
Solomon could have said that, because he did believe in planning. It just doesn't seem that way to the casual reader.
The sayings of Solomon are often simple, but they are not one-dimensional. You'll miss the deep stuff if you don't linger awhile. Also, you'll miss the texture if you don't compare the sayings to get the full context.
Here's what I see Solomon saying about planning: Planning is a beneficial thing for the wise to do. But, even in the midst of planning, the righteous person maintains a perspective that God is in control and that He may take circumstances a different direction than they were intended.
If you are a wise person, you should be okay with that. Many of Solomon's other sayings indicate his faith that God works in favor of the righteous. Exercising wisdom, a person can trust God even when the best laid plans don't work out.
Solomon also makes clear that your plans need to fit God. In other words, if your plans violate the tenets of God, don't expect them to succeed. He won't bless them.
Here's my back-up:
- Planning is beneficial--"The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty." (Pr 21:5)
- But God is in control--"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." (Pr 19:21)
- God watches over the righteous--"The Lord detests men of perverse heart but he delights in those whose ways are blameless." (Pr. 11:20)
- Make God-friendly plans--"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." (Pr 16:3)
Solomon also offers some good advice when it comes to planning. Don't be a lone ranger when you plan (Pr 20:18). Seek out good counsel as you consider options (Pr. 15:22).
So, go ahead and make those plans. Just include God in the process.
I'll wrap up this series Friday.
Monday, March 31, 2008
When Plans Go South/Think About It
"Best laid plans!"
It sure makes life interesting. It's the central reason why we watch sports.
No matter how well you plan, who you choose to be on your team, how diligently you strategize, or even how hard you work, anything can happen. It's not over till it's over, as they say.
So why plan at all? Sometimes it feels like that.
Solomon even seems to express that sentiment: "To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." (Proverbs 16:1) It's Solomon's clever way of saying, "The Lord has the last word on what happens."
So is Solomon saying not to plan? If so, then why would he say, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" just a few sentences later?
Okay, which is it? Think about it and we'll go deeper mid-week.
It sure makes life interesting. It's the central reason why we watch sports.
No matter how well you plan, who you choose to be on your team, how diligently you strategize, or even how hard you work, anything can happen. It's not over till it's over, as they say.
So why plan at all? Sometimes it feels like that.
Solomon even seems to express that sentiment: "To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." (Proverbs 16:1) It's Solomon's clever way of saying, "The Lord has the last word on what happens."
So is Solomon saying not to plan? If so, then why would he say, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" just a few sentences later?
Okay, which is it? Think about it and we'll go deeper mid-week.
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