Shut! Up!/Live It!

“From your mouth to God’s ear.”

Reviewing the first 20 chapters of Proverbs and pulling out the verses that had to do with the mouth, I was able to divide those bits of advice into four categories:

• Gossip is the best way to lose friends and your influence.
• Lying is wicked, right down there with gossiping.
• Spouting off without thinking is a quick way to ruin you professionally and relationally.
• The mouth can speak life or death into another person’s soul.

I was surprised that there were only one or two verses for each of the first three categories. The vast majority of the observations by Solomon on controlling the mouth had to do with how devastating or uplifting words can be.

I’m remembering, regretfully, a single word that I spoke into the life of my young daughter many years ago. It was a Friday night after a hard week of work. There was a movie on TV that I wanted to see. Yet, my very precocious daughter was having a friend over for the night.

Somewhere in the middle of the flick, my daughter and her friend came into the living room dressed to the hilt in night gowns, lace, furry stoles, and glittery tiaras. In order to give me a proper fashion show, and to have my full attention, they needed silence. So, my daughter reached out and turned off the television in the middle of a crucial scene.

My reaction was immediate and negative. I remember bounding out of the chair and shouting “NO!” as I ran to the TV and turned it back on. Not my finest moment as a father.

You see, the opportunity before me was to speak life into the hearts of two young girls. To show acceptance. To build their self-esteem. To help make their evening special and to create a fond memory for the future. Instead, I reacted selfishly. And the one word I spoke was certainly not life-giving.

Solomon effectively uses contrasts to make the point. The lips of the righteous (those pursuing Wisdom) “nourish many”—a great word picture of caring for others and investing kind words into their lives. Like nutrients, the right words cause a life to flourish. On the other hand, the words of the wicked create strife (18:6), destroy neighbors (11:9, 12), and stir up anger (13:1).

Words have the ability to actually turn a life around. Hear this advice:

• “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” (12:25)
• “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (16:24)
• And the best summary of all, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (12:18)

I’ll wrap up this series by reinforcing what Solomon says, speaking out of my own experience. Words are powerful. As a man, your words have influence beyond what you imagine.

These days, I use my words carefully and with intentionality to nourish. I call both my daughters “Beautiful.” I tell my son how proud I am of his work and his life. I remind my wife that I love her. I tell others that I appreciate them.

As men, we tend to think in terms of projects. I would challenge you to think of every person you meet as a garden that will either flourish or wither based on the words you speak into his or her life.

Shut! Up!/Go Deep

“Loose lips sink ships.”
There was the time I blew it as a college-age cub reporter in the sports department of a local newspaper. It was the night of the historic Frazier-Ali fight, in the days before cable and pay-for-view existed. So, the newspaper’s phone rang every minute with someone asking, “Is the fight over?” and “Who won the fight?”

And, as the junior member of the sports team, I was designated to answer the phone. With frustration building because I was not getting my work done, I began to resent the constant interruptions. To make matters worse, the callers would invariably ask first, “Who is this?” and would always seem disappointed that they weren’t talking to a byline reporter.

Finally, I had had enough and determined that I would no longer play the game. Sure enough, the very next caller asked, “Who is this?” I replied, “Who do you want?” Surprised by my answer, the caller asked again “Who IS this?” with a little more force. I retorted, “Who do you want?” The answer came back quick and sharp, “This is the Executive Editor and I want to know who I’m talking with.”

That’s right. My boss’s boss. Yes indeed, that’s where I learned the lesson that your mouth can get you in a whole lot of trouble REAL fast.

As I read Proverbs, I see Solomon working hard to help men avoid just that—engaging the mouth before engaging the brain.

Among the practical hints Solomon offers his students are these:

• “Wise men store up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool invites ruin.” (10:14)
• “When words are many, sin is not absent…” (10:19)
• “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.” (18:13)
• “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.” (20:19)

Here’s how I would translate these into basic, common sense tips for today's man. Don’t say much. When you do say something, consider it carefully. Realize that your words have impact—nothing spoken is a “throw-away phrase.” Don’t speak out of anger. Calm down, think about it, and then answer. The more you explain, the less credible you are. The more you talk, the more likely you are to get in trouble.

When you do blow it, there’s only one way out that I know of—apologize. That’s what I did the next day to the Executive Editor. It saved my job and helped firmly plant a lesson in my mind and character: “A gentle answer turns away wrath…” (15:1)

Shut! Up!/Think About It

Open mouth, insert foot.
My most embarrassing verbal blunder as a young adult involved asking a former classmate at my 10-year high school reunion when her baby was due.

It seemed like polite and clever conversation as the words flowed out of my mouth. Rather sophisticated, I thought, to pick up on her condition and how sensitive of me to show interest in her life.

The only problem? She had delivered her baby about four months prior to the reunion. "Oops" just doesn't quite cover it. I'm 25 years on the other side of that fiasco and a lot wiser about my words. But not without a lot of scarring along the way.

Taming your tongue is impossible, according to the New Testament Apostle James. "We all stumble in many ways," James said. "If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check." If you've met this man, send me his contact info. I'd like to pay my respects.

For the rest of us, it's wisdom we need and a fair amount of warnings from those who have stepped in it a time or two. Or three. I'll be sharing a few more of my infamous verbal disasters in the days ahead as I attempt to impart some of Solomon's wise words about mouthing off.

If there is anything that men need help with, it's when and how to keep the tongue in check. It's one thing when a verbal gaff marks you as a social misfit. It's entirely another thing when your words destroy a life or deeply wound a spirit. You know what I mean. You've either seen it done or you've done it yourself.

Solomon uses a lot of similes, metaphors, and contrasts to impart wisdom about the tongue. But all of his sayings can be boiled down into several keen insights about human nature and the power of positive words and the danger of words wrongly spoken.

Think about some of your worst verbal moments and the outcomes that resulted. In fact, send me some examples from your past. I'd appreciate the company. Then we'll talk mid-week about this mutual malady.

Going Up or Down?/Live It!

One of Solomon's prime teaching techniques was the use of contrasts.

Not like the Gov. Eliot Spitzer versus Billy Graham type of contrast. Well, yeah, like that. But without the names.

Solomon was so accurate describing the consequences of following the downward path called Foolishness--as seen played out days ago in the life of Gov. Spitzer--it makes sense that his description of the ever-upward road named Wisdom would be equally accurate.

I've picked out three critical areas of life that will be blessed if a man chooses to pursue Wisdom's path--physical health, mental health, and upward mobility propelled by sound judgment.

I find four references to Wisdom prolonging life in the first nine chapters of Proverbs. One of the first is in chapter 3, verse 16, "Long life is in her (Wisdom's) right hand..." The right hand was considered symbolic of power in Old Testament writings. References to a long life for Wisdom followers are also found in 3:2, 7:2, and 9:11.

It makes sense that a disciplined life would include making smart decisions that would insure a healthy lifestyle, which in turn would contribute to long life. Look at the contrast in today's headlines. How many stories do you see in the news involving young men making bad choices and paying for it with their lives?

The second benefit of a wise life falls in the category of mental health. Solomon references peace of mind (3:17), sleep that's sweet and undisturbed (3:24), a lack of fear (3:24-25), and self-confidence (3:26).

Look at the opposite of these and you witness a window into the mind of a criminal--always looking over his shoulder, waiting for the time when the law will bust down his door, worrying about friends and foe alike, and loathing himself because he can't control his actions. Looking back, I'm sure he wonders why he chose the road he did.

The man who travels the path of Wisdom also is promised sure steps, with no stumbling along the way. Why? Because discretion and understanding will guard his steps (2:11), he'll find favor and a good name in the sight of God and men (3:4), and he will be surrounded by safety and his "foot will not stumble" (3:23).

All that speaks to a successful life professionally, relationally and socially. Building a good reputation is a life-long endeavor. That's why Solomon calls it a "pursuit" of Wisdom. Trashing that reputation can take just minutes, usually involving just one misstep on the wrong path followed by a lifetime of regrets.

In the New Testament age of Grace, a redeemed life is possible whether we take a few baby steps or a giant leap on the wrong road. (Consider the example of Chuck Colson.) But, by acknowledging up front the wisdom of pursuing Wisdom, we can build defenses around our life that will keep us from missteps and insure a healthier mental outlook and physical existence.

For the Christian, the goal is not as much avoiding sin as it is abiding in Christ, keeping him close by acknowledging his presence in every situation of life. If we do that, we're more likely to keep our steps where they should be. ("What would Jesus do?" is more than a catch phrase.)
Again, I choose Wisdom. God help me stay on the right road.

Going Up or Down?/Go Deep

How could a man who lived almost 3,000 years ago so accurately describe an event as current as today's headlines?

Solomon did when he described the downward path called Foolishness. And nearly 3,000 years later, the newscasts are filled with stories of the downfall of New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer.

It's alleged that Gov. Spitzer hired a high-priced prostitute, transported her across state lines, paid for those services through some off-shore financial maneuvers, and broke a variety of local, state and federal laws in the process.

What by all accounts was considered to be a highly successful political career is suddenly in the tank. A dazed wife, the mother of three beautiful teenage daughters, stands by her fallen husband at a news conference as he admits his errors and resigns.

Comedians have a field day. Ideological enemies feed on the carrion. Political allies make excuses. But, universally, everyone shakes their head at the tragic disaster that overtook this man. A tragedy created by the man's own actions.

Now hear Solomon's words from almost thirty centuries ago:

Proverbs 2:18 - "For her (the adulteress') house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead."

Proverbs 4:19 - "But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble."

Proverbs 5:22 - "The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast."

Proverbs 6:15 & 33 - "Therefore disaster will overtake him in an instant; he will suddenly be destroyed--without remedy." "Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away..."

Just scare tactics or words to warn the wise? Or, words to teach the simple?

The correct answer depends on who you are. Or, who you intend to be?

Going Up or Down?/Think About it

Remember your first taste of independence?
Did it come to you with your driver's license? How about when you headed off to college? Or, maybe it was on the day you moved out of your parent's house and into your first apartment?

Now imagine going back to that place, with the knowledge you have now about the world and all that's in it. What advice would you give yourself? How would you describe the journey ahead? What would you say about the choices that lay in front of you? And how would you do it in a way that would make an impression?

That was the task before Solomon as he penned Proverbs. How could he warn young men against one life direction that is so seductive (yet harmful) and at the same time encourage young men to follow a different path that is so much more rewarding even though it may seem harder and less appealing?

As he introduces young men to wisdom and foolishness, Solomon paints a picture of two roads--one that continuously goes up, leading to a bright future. The other one goes down in a death spiral to a very dark place.

Got your attention? I believe that's what Solomon had in mind. He speaks in stark contrasts between the road called Wisdom and the downward trail called Folly. The first is light and life. The second is darkness and death, literally.

It doesn't always seem that way in real life, though, at least not on the surface. After all, look at Hugh Hefner. He seems to be having the time of his life. Yet, from an eternal perspective, he's a dead man walking.

So what Solomon is trying to give his pupils are "eternal eyes." Not an easy task. But let's learn by watching him do it. We've already talked the past two weeks about the choice between Wisdom and Folly. What I want to cover this week are the very distinct outcomes of walking each path that Solomon outlines to his students.

It's like walking through a field and without even trying you pick up all manner of seeds that attach themselves to your pants and shoes. The same thing happens as you walk these two very different roads. Each road yields very specific consequences in a life.

As we study the outcomes, maybe you'll recognize something that's been happening in your life. And in the process determine you may have strayed onto the wrong road.