A Life Remembered/Live It!

Everyone smiled as they spoke about the late Tony Snow.
Either that or they were tearing up.

Not having known him personally, this is just a guess: I believe Tony Snow connected with people. Not in a surface kind of way, as we are prone to do. Tony made deep connections not just with family and friends, but with co-workers and professional contemporaries as well.

Among the stories I heard were these that indicate Tony knew how to touch other human beings:

• While undergoing treatments for cancer, Tony made time to call a co-worker and ask about a family member that was recovering from a medical problem.
• Another former co-worker talked about a time when Tony bailed him out by writing a speech for him when he was hung over from a night of partying.
• As White House Press Secretary, Tony took time out of a press conference to welcome back a reporter who had been absent because of his young son's serious heart issues. Tony added how grateful they all were that his son had come through surgery and promised continued prayers.
• A younger reporter who worked with Tony spoke of all the times Tony had encouraged and mentored him.
• Numerous acquaintances and co-workers told of times that Tony bragged about his wife and took off early from work to play with his kids.

A simple way to say it is that Tony Snow gave of himself to others. In spite of his busyness, his status and success, Tony took time to engage with others, know their lives and needs, and then respond to them where they lived.

Connecting personally with others pays dividends in so many ways. I have not doubt it contributed to Tony's success. And yet, I know for a certainty he did not do it to attain success. He did it out of a genuine love and concern for others. People can spot a phony a mile off; but respond appreciatively to genuine care.

If your goal in life is to impact the lives of others, you can take a cue from Tony Snow.

A Life Remembered/Go Deep

Have you ever wondered what people would say about you if the unthinkable happened?

I don't mean eulogies at a memorial service. I'm wondering about friends and family sitting around and sharing their memories of who you were and what you meant in their lives?

When the person who passed on is a public figure, like a Tony Snow, those memorials are shared in a public fashion; so we all get to hear from close friends and colleagues exactly who the person was and how he impacted the lives around him.

What impressed me about the memories expressed about Tony Snow was how consistent they were. The traits that made Tony successful, well-liked and respected by his friends and co-workers were characteristics we should all emulate.

A key trait that people universally mentioned in their remembrances of Tony was optimism. Part of the context of those comments involved how Tony managed to keep a positive outlook in spite of the colon cancer he was battling. But many of the comments involved his upbeat personality while on the job.

One news colleague said that Tony would respond with "That's awesome!" every time he would share a bit of information about a story, person or event--even when the info wasn't that earth-shattering. Because he always received such reinforcement from Tony, I'm betting he shared more and was a valuable source for helping Tony stay in the loop.

Friends and colleagues remembered liking being around Tony. They were up because he was up. Tony was not a dour personality--always serious and stern. His humor was evident in all the stories that people shared. He liked laughing and helped others break loose. That draws people toward you--always an advantage when building relationships that work for you.

Tony was also not a sour person. Cancer is a disease that could easily turn you sour. Here he is, virtually on top of the world, and cancer deals him this unjust blow. How easy it would be to sour on life and to become negative about everything. It seemed to be the opposite with Tony. He shined through the chemotherapy and the surgeries, the weight loss and the graying hair. People were amazed that his outlook remained constantly optimistic.

Life is worth living and it's worth living well. Tony showed us all how it can be done. He set a mark that's a challenge for us all.

More on Friday!

A Life Remembered/Think About It

This week, many are remembering the life of Tony Snow who passed away this past Sunday after a 3-year battle with cancer.

Observing the many people who knew Tony, worked with him, and loved him reminds me of a lesson I relearn from time-to-time:

When you're gone, the things people say about you truly illuminate the essence of your life.

Tony Snow is best known for his work as a reporter and conservative commentator/talk show host on the Fox News Network. But he also put in about a year and a half as President Bush's press secretary up until September of 2007. He was battling a recurrence of cancer at that time, but resigned in an upbeat manner, saying he needed to earn more money for his family.

He left the White House on his last day surrounded by a standing ovation of fellow employees, pumping his fist in the air as he pledged to fight the cancer that would soon take his life.

Tony was stationed in Washington, D.C., the center of much of this country's power. He made his living as a player in the national media, mingling with and interviewing the influencers of our nation. He was very successful, to say the least.

So what would you expect people to say about his life? What stood out as the "cream" of memories that rose to the top when people would reminisce about Tony Snow? There was a recurring pattern to those testimonies that does speak to a successful life--but perhaps not in the way you might think.

Think about it and we'll talk more Wednesday.

Taking a Break!

Editor's Note:

After 41 continuous weeks of blogs, I'm going to take a little vacation--two weeks. I'll be back with a new entry July 14. In the meantime, feel free to review any of my previous 123 posts. And do drop me a line with questions you'd like covered or suggestions on new topics.
Take care, ch

An Uncommon Comeback/Live It!

In today's time-crunched world, I don't see too many people engaging others.
As opposed to just talking to them.

How can you tell the difference?

The first and most obvious ingredient is time. We have a new granddaughter. I was around her for just short snippets of time when she was very young. But when she started walking (and eventually running), her mother left her with us for some extended time. That's when I was really able to engage her.

Books, stuffed animals, frog puppets that croak out "Old McDonald had a farm," my cell phone--whatever interests her, that's what I use to engage her in an exchange. (Can you really call it a conversation when they're only 16 months?) Anyway, it takes time to find out what interests another person.

In the case of my granddaughter, it was when I got down on the floor and met her eye-to-eye that we really connected. I found out that she liked to bounce, and we have a Snoogle--a really long pillow that curls--that's great for bouncing.

When I wrapped her in that pillow and she found out she could bounce on it, she came alive. Curls were jumping up and down, eyes were wide open, squeals erupted like I have never heard before. It was after that time together that she remembered my name (and recognized our neighborhood). Major connection.

Lesson number two: meet people where they are. When you find what interests them, then you can gain their attention. Then you can engage them.

Undivided attention also helps. Reading Newt Gingrich's book, Real Change, he talks about engaging and listening to people as essentials to good leadership. Ask questions and then listen. Bring back ideas, present them, ask for input and then listen. If people recognize that you are interested in them, Newt says, then they are liable to ask you to lead.

I'm sure there are more; but let me end with this one. Think creatively. When it's unexpected, it's noticed. If you want to make an impression, be impressive.

An Uncommon Comeback/Go Deep

Engaging people takes time.
No way around it.

My former boss could have given me a simple answer when I dissed his wheels: "My Jeep may only get 5 m.p.g., but I'd rather be able to drive over huge rocks with a gas hog than get great gas mileage with a compact that high centers on road kill."

(Ouch! I think I just hurt my own feelings.)

But, instead, he decided to engage me with an object lesson. The snappy comeback wouldn't have taught me anything, other than to keep my mouth shut. The uncommon comeback taught me that people make choices on their preferences, which may not be my preferences. And that I should think twice before assuming that my preferences are superior to others.

Plus, the lesson was delivered in a way that captured my attention, stirred my imagination, and made the memory of it permanent. All that and we were still friends when it was over. Now that's a special talent.

How do you prepare to engage people rather than just talk at them? First and foremost, you have to consider people to be valuable enough to spend time and energy on them. A flip answer takes no time and it shows no value in the relationship.

Determine that people are worth it. If you get that done, then you can work on the rest.