Together/Live It!

Be thankful for the friends you have.
They provide more than you think and a whole lot of what we need in life.

Again, a collection of "Quotable Quotes" from a Reader's Digest delivered some great reminders of the benefits of friendship:

• Acceptance. "Getting people to like you is only the other side of liking them."--Norman Vincent Peale. This fits very neatly with the principle of being a friend to make friends. Friendship brings with it acceptance, a nutrient we all crave.
• Encouragement. "Friendships multiply joys and divide griefs."--H. G. Bohn. In good times and bad, friends provide encouragement that feeds our soul.
• Support. "Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer."--Ed Cunningham. That is rare. Are you one of those who listen when others need to share?
• Effectiveness. "No matter what accomplishments you achieve, somebody helps you."--Althea Gibson. The longer I live, the more evidence I see that this is true. Never forget the friends, the co-workers, that help you achieve.
• Mentoring. "Men are men before they are lawyers, or physicians, or merchants, or manufacturers; and if you make them capable and sensible men, they will make themselves capable and sensible lawyers or physicians."--John Stuart Mill. We all need mentors; yet, there's a dearth of good coaches these days. Perhaps you can become one?

Friendship is such an essential--worth the thoughtfulness, intentionality, and effort to create and maintain. Try it. You'll like it!

Together/Go Deep

"Strangers are friends that you have yet to meet." --Robert Lieberman

I used to complain that I had few close friends, until I realized that the bulk of the problem lay with me. Friendship isn't something that just happens. It's something that you work at making happen.

It starts by realizing the wealth that comes from a close-knit group of friends who are investing in each others lives. Or, the poverty that exists in a vacuum without shared interests and experiences and support.

I found a compilation of "Quotable Quotes" from Reader's Digest that take it from there:

Friends develop from the pool of acquaintances you have around you. "One does not make friends. One recognizes them." --Garth Henrichs

Seeking friends is an unselfish process if done correctly. "The only way to have a friend is to be one." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

You put other's interests ahead of your own. You prove your worth as a friend first before expecting others to befriend you. "You can make more friends in a month by being interested in them than in ten years by trying to get them interested in you." --Charles L. Allen

Don't look for perfection in a friend. Look for (and model) loyalty. "A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes." --Doug Larson

Don't expect true friendship to spring up overnight. It's a process that takes time. "True friendship is a plant of slow growth." --George Washington

Friendship is a life essential. The fact that so many have thought (and written) so much about it is proof that it is a cherished and necessary component of living. I've decided I need to work harder at building true friendships.

I've found other quotes that speak to the benefits of a "team of friends." More on that later this week.

Together/Think About It

I watched a rip-roarin' football game Saturday night.
It was the Oklahoma Sooners that were rippin' up the #2 Texas Tech Red Raiders. And it was the OU fan base that was roarin'.

A little one-sided, to say the least, as the #5 Sooners romped over the Raiders to the tune of a 45-point margin.

Headed into the locker room at halftime, behind 42-7, the Tech coach told a reporter, "We just never got the players settled down." That's shorthand for, "The team is not playing like a team."

Too hyped, too nervous, too charged or too whatever, the individual Tech players were unable to concentrate. They weren't executing individually and lost cohesion as a team. It wasn't apparent that Tech was a team until their final drive, when they put together 12 plays for 99 yards and a rare touchdown.

This was a team that was 10-0 coming into Norman, Oklahoma. They had regularly romped over their opponents, having only one close game this season (vs. Nebraska, won in overtime). Both the quarterback and the team were racking up all sorts of records, too many to summarize in this post.

The team's complete disintegration in the face of a strong OU performance was a big reminder to me of how important teamwork is. Individuals do not win games. Excellent individual performances come together in a pattern of success that achieves mutual goals--yards, first downs, touchdowns, the win.

Even the very best QB--a Heisman Trophy contender Graham Harrell--can't do it alone.

Then why is it we, as men, tend to go-it-alone? Many times in pride, sometimes out of convenience, and at times out of unfortunate necessity, we tackle some of life's hardest challenges as Lone Rangers. When we do, it often ends in disaster.

Think about your tendency to rely only on self. Think about what would be different with a close-knit troop of friends who could be true team players with you. Then we'll go deep on Wednesday.

Full Cycle

I've been out-of-pocket this week, attending a memorial service of a friend of the family.

In fact, you know the family.

In "When Mortality Calls/Think About It" (Oct. 13, 2008), I talked about my father's death. One of the first persons to arrive at my parent's house was my brother-in-law, Tom. It's 23 years on the other side of that day, and Tom's father has passed away after battling a brain tumor for a period of months.

Tom was a godsend to my family on that fateful day 23 years ago. The experience profoundly affected Tom, who was a young man at the time. His first stop after leaving the hospital that day was to stop by his father's house and spend time with him.

I believe it changed Tom's perspective. He always loved and appreciated his Dad. But, from the day of my father's death, he seemed to cherish every time he had with his dad. And they had 23 more years of projects, fishing trips, family dinners, special occasions and the like. A blessing that became more real to Tom because he saw early on that life together is not a guarantee.

An interesting full-cycle happened during the past months.

My sister-in-law is a nurse who serves with a cancer doctor. It turned out that her doctor was assigned to treat Tom's father. So my sister-in-law, my brother's wife, was privileged to serve Tom's father and family during this ordeal. I considered it God's grace that a family member from my side was able to be there for Tom when time came.

It's a reminder of how everything is connected. Treat others in a way you would want to be treated. Chances are, life with orchestrate a pay-back.

I'll be back in the swing of a regular post next week. Till then, take care. ch

Signs of the Times/Three

Most bumper stickers are just for fun.
Like the one I saw this past week: "What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?"

Other than a good laugh, the only residual impact I took away from this auto eye candy was having that song stuck in my head. Nothing more.

Is it possible others take the sentiment as something a little more serious, though? Hard to say. But for people without a solid sense of purpose, it seems that even a hokey pokey reference could throw them for a loop.

That could be the reason Rick Warren's book, "The Purpose-Driven Life," is such a huge seller nationally and internationally. Rick does a great job of matching our need to find purpose with solid, understandable direction from God's Word.

There was another "life philosophy" bumper sticker I saw this past week. This one was designed to look similar to Colorado license plates, with a green mountain range and a white sky background. The message simply read, "It's all good." Now, this one made me think.

I'm assuming the meaning (for the car's owner) was that everything was made good because he lives in Colorado. That interpretation came partly from the mountain range reference, but the well-worn SUV was the best clue.

I can see individuals living by such a philosophy. If you've ever been around four-wheeler enthusiasts, life is nothing but good when they are looking forward to a weekend in the mountains.

But I can't see that as an enduring life philosophy. In the first place, it's not all good And those things that are bad can't be made good by what is. Life is a mix. We take it as it comes; but the goal is to not let the bad "color" your life in the negative. We need to see the bad realistically, and deal with it in as positive manner as we can. Then, we need to enjoy the good as it happens, not allowing the bad to take away the joy of little pleasures.

I'm preaching to myself, here, folks. I've been allowing the bad to color too much of my world lately. It's an easy pattern to fall into. But how ridiculous it would be to drive around with a bumper sticker on the back of your car that reads, "It's all bad," allowing the bad in life to negate everything good.

Signs of the Time/Two

It is all about me, isn't it?
Well, in fact, it is, if we're honest about it.

Starbucks knows that better than anyone and proved it with a simple and effective billboard I saw this past week. The board had very little to it: simply a cup of coffee with the Starbucks logo on it, then the words "Reward Yourself" followed by a couple of addresses.

That was it. Actually, it was perfect.

Rule of thumb for outdoor boards is to have no more than eight words. I think it should be no more than eight elements. In other words, for me, a logo counts as a word. It has to be seen, understood, and translated into meaning, just like a word.

From a moving vehicle, most people only have about seven seconds to see, read, understand and respond to a billboard. Think of that the next time you see an outdoor board with 10 words, a photo, a logo, and a long address line.

In contrast, think of the Starbucks example: two words, a graphic and logo combined in one element, and two addresses. Plus, the meaning is quickly understood and easy to respond to. Why? Because it really is all about me!

How many times have you said, "I deserve some kind of a reward for this." Or maybe the sentiment was, "I don't deserve this! I need something good to happen to me to even this out." Starbucks just taps into that mind set, offering both the means and the opportunity to even the score.

We seem to keep a running tab in our heads of the pluses and minuses we experience, sensing that a truly just world would allow the positives to outweigh the negatives. But, alas, the real world crushes that dream. So we're left with a void that needs satiated: "I want justice. I want some payback, even if I have to go buy it."

If this sounds familiar, take note. There are other companies aware of this tendency in us, and they don't mind tapping into your need to "reward yourself" to sell their products.

Caveat emptor! (The buyer beware.) In most cases, you're buying only a temporary feel-good substitute for true justice. You won't find satisfaction in a cup of over-priced java. Likely, just more calories than you truly need.

Signs of the Times/One

Are bumper stickers and billboards accurate measures of the state of the country?

If so, we're in bigger trouble than I would hope.

I've been spending a lot of time on the road, recently, and so have had time to catch up on bumper sticker philosophy. When I see a compelling message on the back of a car, I always have to catch up and look at the person in the driver's seat. But not in every case.

I saw a sticker on a domestic junker recently that seemed to speak to the political climate of the day: "I'd like to see things from your perspective, but I just can't get my head that far up my (bleep)!"

Well, all right then. The first thing that popped into my head was the condemning look of the church lady on Saturday Night Live years ago. My second thought was, "That pretty much sums up how people on opposite ends of the political spectrum think of each other nowadays."

Have you noticed this election cycle how vitriolic the language is getting, from both sides? We're in the last few days of the campaign and the airwaves are filled with fear-tactic messages trying to scare people away from either a candidate or a ballot issue.

How can people work together when they've shoveled that much dirt on one another? Even people within the same party disparage each other during the primaries.

The country is in deep trouble in a variety of ways. It seems we should be pulling together and trying to find ways to work toward the common good. But there's a definite "all or nothing" attitude at election time that carries over into the in-between times when legislation is supposed to happen.

We've been suffering, at times, from legislative gridlock that keeps us from having decent energy, environmental, and economic policies. Yet, everyone continues down the same ultra-partisan road that condemns us to inaction.

Hey, it's funny on a bumper sticker. But in real life, not so funny.